birth of a neurosis…

… Other girls played with Barbies. I was a geek and huge Star Trek fan. When I was seven my mom took me to see Wrath of Khan. I left the theater that evening with a newly developed neurosis, the irrational fear that bugs were going to fly into my ears and eat my brains.

Then two months later, while playing outside, a bee flew into my ear. I ran around shrieking and smacking myself in the head. The bug flew out but I made my mom take me to the doctor anyway. I wanted to be damn sure that nasty bastard was gone and hadn’t laid any bee eggs in my ear canal that would later hatch inside my brain.

To this day whenever I see a flying bug, instinctively, I run away with my hands over my ears crying like a little girl. I won’t sleep in a room with a bug flying about either because I know that evil bastard is waiting for me to fall asleep so it can fly into my ear and dig it’s way inside my head.

Oh you scoff and call me paranoid. But bugs are smarter than we give them credit for. They are sinister and evil and enemies of our country. It appears now I will have to enjoy America’s pastimes while wearing ear plugs.

Is nothing sacred any more?! Is there nowhere I am safe?!

Zombies aren’t the only things that hunger for your brains. And bugs are real. Who’s crazy now.