when life’s unfair, sue somebody…

Deanna suggests perhaps you should sue God in her most excellent and beautiful post.

OK.

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Katrina Fernandez, claimant herein, would like to petition the courts and hereby files this claim for redress of grievances against God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, defendant herein, for damages and in support thereof states as follows:

FACTS:

1. The Plaintiff is a resident of Earth in the domain created by Defendant
2. Defendant acknowledges creation of Earth and conception of Plaintiff [Gen. 1: 1-27] [Jer 1:5]
3. That all of the injuries and damages sustained by the Plaintiff were the direct and proximate result of the actions of God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, without any act or omission on the part of the Plaintiff directly thereunto contributing.
4. Plaintiff did not receive 20/20 vision at time of creation, by Defendant, resulting in corrective optical devices found to be intrusive and uncomfortable; condition will continue to worsen over the course of Plaintiff’s existence.
5. August 18, 2001 Defendant took from Plaintiff her first born at 26 weeks gestation
6. July 09, 2004 Defendant failed to improve Plaintiff’s marital situation despite endless pleas for intercession.
7. September 14, 2009 God the Father saw fit to give Plaintiff debilitating heart condition resulting in cardiac arrest.
10. From the moment of Plaintiff’s adulthood every plan designed by Plaintiff has since been deferred or completely altered resulting from direct interference from God the Father without any consultation to the Plaintiff.

COUNT I (Negligence and Interference)

The Plaintiff re-alleges and incorporates by reference herein all of the allegations contained in paragraphs 1-10 above. That God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth deviated from the acceptable standard, as believed by Plaintiff, of Omnipotence during the course of the Plaintiff’s life since July 10, 1975 and herein and that this deviation was the direct and proximate cause of untold grief, suffering, making life unfair, and general malaise from not getting everything she wanted when she wanted.

WHEREFORE: The Plaintiff claims damages against God the Father individually in an amount to be determined at trial, plus costs, and for any further relief that this Honorable Court determines necessary and appropriate.

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Deanna’s right, why sue a mere doctor for giving birth to an imperfect child when you can go after the big guns. I mean, God has gotta be way more loaded than some mortal physician.

See how utterly stupid and highly egotistical those claims sound? Not to mention completely infantile and whiny. Life is not turning out the way I wanted or planned, someone must be at fault. Court house, ho!

Now if you’ll excuse me. I have to call my attorney, Gloria “Pact With the Devil” Allred, and sue the pants off Hammermill for this nasty paper cut.