when life’s unfair, sue somebody…

when life’s unfair, sue somebody… March 15, 2012

Deanna suggests perhaps you should sue God in her most excellent and beautiful post.


Katrina Fernandez, claimant herein, would like to petition the courts and hereby files this claim for redress of grievances against God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, defendant herein, for damages and in support thereof states as follows:


1. The Plaintiff is a resident of Earth in the domain created by Defendant
2. Defendant acknowledges creation of Earth and conception of Plaintiff [Gen. 1: 1-27] [Jer 1:5]
3. That all of the injuries and damages sustained by the Plaintiff were the direct and proximate result of the actions of God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, without any act or omission on the part of the Plaintiff directly thereunto contributing.
4. Plaintiff did not receive 20/20 vision at time of creation, by Defendant, resulting in corrective optical devices found to be intrusive and uncomfortable; condition will continue to worsen over the course of Plaintiff’s existence.
5. August 18, 2001 Defendant took from Plaintiff her first born at 26 weeks gestation
6. July 09, 2004 Defendant failed to improve Plaintiff’s marital situation despite endless pleas for intercession.
7. September 14, 2009 God the Father saw fit to give Plaintiff debilitating heart condition resulting in cardiac arrest.
10. From the moment of Plaintiff’s adulthood every plan designed by Plaintiff has since been deferred or completely altered resulting from direct interference from God the Father without any consultation to the Plaintiff.

COUNT I (Negligence and Interference)

The Plaintiff re-alleges and incorporates by reference herein all of the allegations contained in paragraphs 1-10 above. That God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth deviated from the acceptable standard, as believed by Plaintiff, of Omnipotence during the course of the Plaintiff’s life since July 10, 1975 and herein and that this deviation was the direct and proximate cause of untold grief, suffering, making life unfair, and general malaise from not getting everything she wanted when she wanted.

WHEREFORE: The Plaintiff claims damages against God the Father individually in an amount to be determined at trial, plus costs, and for any further relief that this Honorable Court determines necessary and appropriate.


Deanna’s right, why sue a mere doctor for giving birth to an imperfect child when you can go after the big guns. I mean, God has gotta be way more loaded than some mortal physician.

See how utterly stupid and highly egotistical those claims sound? Not to mention completely infantile and whiny. Life is not turning out the way I wanted or planned, someone must be at fault. Court house, ho!

Now if you’ll excuse me. I have to call my attorney, Gloria “Pact With the Devil” Allred, and sue the pants off Hammermill for this nasty paper cut.

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  • Gregg the Obscure

    Me gusta.

    Comes now Plaintiff pro se and avers:
    1. Plaintiff has no tolerance for people who are simultaneously evil and stupid.
    2. Plaintiff experienced heart attacks on April 14, 2010 and May 14, 2010.
    3. Said heart attacks were the direct and proximate result of the stupidity infused into society by Defendants: the infotainment industry, Barack Hussein Obama, Jared Polis, Diana DeGette, Barney Frank, Bill Maher, Ellen DeGeneris, Rosie O’Donnell, Chaz Bono, the Democratic Party, all other “gay pride” organizations, Banned Parenthood, Planned Barrenhood, the Log Cabin Republicans, the Republican Party, and John Does 1-1,000,000.
    Wherefore Plaintiff seeks injunctive relief requiring all Defendants to move to Antarctica. Immediately.

  • kenneth

    I’ve seen lawsuits against God before. They all tank off the bat on the grounds that the plaintiff cannot establish that He is a legal resident of the state or jursdiction in question. If there’s nobody with a definite address for someone to serve a summons, you’re out of luck. 

  • Tcn

    Monday I had a minor procedure on the nerves in my neck. When the staff moved me from the surgical table to the gurney, they forgot to lock the wheels, and dumped me rather unceremoniously on my butt. I now have a technicolor bruise on my backside. The sad part is that it was an honest mistake–nobody’s fault–but they all were so apologetic, as if I would automatically sue. That is sad–that they wouldn’t expect me to simply forgive a silly mistake. Which I did.