Outrage Fishing Brought To You By Slate…

… What would it look like if I wanted to troll the internet just to drive up web traffic?

God doesn’t care if I wear daisy duke cut-offs and flip flops to mass. All that matters is that I am there to perform my liturgical dance. Michael Voris. And while I’m at it, now would be a good time to mention that I just got ordained a prophet and I am starting my own church. And I’m a lesbian. Michael Voris.

What does it look like when Slate trolls the internet?

Only bad people send their kids to private schools* because how else can we indoctrinate them. Or something. All your kids are belong to us. Hail Obama.

No really. They wrote that trolled their readers.

“You are a bad person if you send your children to private school. Not bad like murderer bad—but bad like ruining-one-of-our-nation’s-most-essential-institutions-in-order-to-get-what’s-best-for-your-kid bad. So, pretty bad.”

“…it seems to me that if every single parent sent every single child to public school, public schools would improve. This would not happen immediately. It could take generations. Your children and grandchildren might get mediocre educations in the meantime, but it will be worth it, for the eventual common good.”

I’ve been thoroughly convinced for quite some time now that bloggers on sites like Slate, Salon, Gawker and Jezebel are really just a bunch of coked out web marketing analysis nerds sitting around trying to come up with the next most outrageous and offensive topic just for lulz and web traffic.

In my mind they look like this…

So for the love of sanity, please stop linking to Slate and their ilk. Stop talking about them and sharing their sewage on facebook. They intentionally want you, the reader, riled and righteously indignant. It’s good for business. They call it “outrage-fishing” and you’ve just taken the bait.

Now, where was I. That’s right. It’s Friday. Time to prepare for the 3 day weekend.

*Direct link to Slate article intentionally left out.