Protestant Hookers…

Protestant Hookers… December 4, 2013

… Kid’s say the darnedest things; like that their dad’s let them play Grand Theft Auto when you know full good and well this is a lie because his dad, an ex-Marine, fencing champion and Catholic deacon, would skin him alive like St. Bartholomew.

But you play along because he’s just a kid and there’s no sport in making him look foolish. But the kid’s persistent and says his getting the game for Christmas and you just roll your eyes and tell him you highly doubt it because it’s a really violent game full of hookers.

Wait. What?

Did you just “hookers”? Then your son overhears and his friend, Mr. Liar Pants’s younger brother, both ask you simultaneously… “What’s a hooker?”


Um, boys. A hooker is… is… a position in rugby.

Hmmm. Nice try, but no.

But the older boy, the worldly R-rated video game player, totally busts you because he enjoys knowing stuff that the younger boys don’t. “No”, he gleefully screams. “A hooker is a prostitute!”

Without missing a beat, both younger boys reply, ” a protestant?”


Dear Mr. Ex-Marine, Catholic Deacon, Ninja Fighter, Intimidating Beard Face, forgive me. I just allowed your son to continue on in his belief that protestants were hookers because explaining it further would have been weird and awkward, and frankly, I value my life over death by Mameluke sword. Plus, I admit to finding it funny.

“Yes, boys. That is exactly right. A hooker is just another word for protestant. Now who wants ice cream?”

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