Oh, internet…

… Today I will conquer the world!

I will rise at dawn and spend an hour in contemplative prayer. Then I will take the dog for a jog and exercise, followed by a nice hot shower and a healthy homemade breakfast. Then I will write something profound and meaningful on my blog and change the world.

The rest of my day will be spent productively doing yard work. Then I will toast my efforts with an adult libation enjoyed in the comfort of my hammock.

Reality.

I will hit my snooze button four times!

I will begrudgingly rise an hour and a half later then planned. I will check my email. Oh, look. An email from a long time friend. Gotta reply to that. Let’s check my bank account. Hmmm, I wonder if there are any good movies showing. Before I forget, I need that chili recipe for next weekend. Google chili recipe. Image search chili. Follow link to Pinterest. Add pictures of chili to my board, “Sh*t I Will Burn.” Look at more Pinterest.

Realize it’s almost noon and you’re still in your pajamas.

Spiral into self-loathing. Have ice cream for breakfast. Surrender to the internet and check Facebook. Resistance is futile. Accomplish nothing and binge watch episodes of Parks and Recreation.

Curse you, internet.