on faith…

… Jesus, I trust in You.

Every morning I am greeted by those words hanging on my bedroom wall in the image of the Divine Mercy. And every morning I say them to myself determined to make myself believe it.

But I wonder. Lately I haven’t been behaving like a women with total trust in the Lord. I have been plowing forward with typical take charge of the situation exuberance. Determined and driven. After all, I grew up being fed the unrealistic B.S. that I could do whatever I want as long as I put my mind to it.

The Lord is still trying to beat this out me. It is taking me an unusually long amount of time for it to sink in that the more I try to control various situations in my life the worse those situations become. I just can’t find the balance between the resourcefulness of helping myself achieve goals and knowing when to quit so God can take control.

It’s a sick internal battle of bull headedness and faith.