Spiritual Growing Pains

When I was kid I would get these phantom pains in my bones. It would hurt, mostly a dull, yet persistent, ache. The pain would come out of no where and for no apparent reason. Adults would say, “oh, it’s just growing pains”, as if that made it less painful. Our little kid bodies literally stretch, expand, and get bigger, in a very short amount of time. No wonder it hurts. Spiritual growing pains may not hurt our physical bodies, but they still can be painful.

Maybe that coven you’ve loved and been in perfect harmony with starts to feel less and less like a place you want to be. Perhaps your solitary practice is starting to feel stale or uninteresting. It could be that the spiritual community you’ve been in love with for years begins to make you feel like an outsider. With any of these issues it’s possible for a generic spiritual malaise to set in.

The good news: there are actions you can take to shift out of the pain of spiritual growth (mostly). But the first step is discernment.

Discernment

When you’re having discomfort, unhappiness, or unrest around your spiritual practice you first need to discover if your growing pains are actually rooted in some other conflict or issue. If possible, take a step outside of your current situation and look at it as objectionably as possible. Do your issues seem to stem from one person? Are you feeling uncertain or uncomfortable about your groups ethics/trajectory/plan/practices?

You may be too emotionally tied to be truly objectionable. Then it’s time to seek help. Ask your elders, friends, partners, allies. Speak to people in and outside of your tradition. Is this issue yours and connected to your path or is it a bigger/deeper issue.

If your issues are connected to another person there may be conflict resolution or relationship healing that can happen. With work you may be able to shift the group dynamics and make the situation better. This may require help from the larger group or calling in mediation. If you want to stay in a healthy group dynamic, you might have to consider these options.

If your issues are connected to a chasm between your beliefs and the beliefs of the group, this is also something worth exploring. What are your personal boundaries, keeping in mind that boundaries can change? Are your boundaries shifting away from the group norms or is the group shifting in a way that makes you uncomfortable? What is that discomfort about? Is this potential for your own growth or a personal deal breaker?

Leaving Community

Spiritual growing pains may also be a signal that you aren’t in the same place anymore. It may indicate that it’s time for you to move on. This is really common in spiritual communities. You get involved, you grow, you learn, and sometimes you outgrow. It may be time to look elsewhere. Maybe reach out to another group, hive off, or look at practicing solitary for awhile. Groups change and we don’t have to stay in them when they don’t fit anymore. (This is not taking into consideration abusive group dynamics, which is a whole other ball of wax.)

As painful as a romantic relationship break up can be, a spiritual community break up can be just as difficult, if not worse. Be prepared to deal with some discomfort or fallout from walking away. You may need time to heal. There may need to be a time of decompression where you review and reevaluate your role in that community. You may need to do some spiritual cleansing or ritualizing of the change. This may need to happen on your own or with members of your community.

Spiritual Boredom

Of course, your malaise could be related to being over a specific practice or being bored with your current practices. If you are experiencing spiritual boredom change things up. Try out some new daily practices. Go outside. Read a book about practices that are totally new to you. Take some classes or reach out to a new group or tradition.

Even if you’ve been practicing for twenty – thirty – forty years or more, there is always more to learn, more to do, more to discover. Sometimes we need to step back into beginner’s mind in order to find that spark again. The only way to do that is to become a beginner at something. And it doesn’t have to be a new spiritual tradition. It could be a knitting group, or a canning meet up, or a book club. You can turn any activity into a spiritual practice.

Spiritual Growing Pains

Spiritual growing pains are an important indicator that something is not right in our spiritual world. It may be that you are about to have a break through or a break down. It may be time for a big change. Whatever the reason, spiritual growing pains should not be ignored, because they tend to hold powerful and important information.

When feeling the pangs of growth, don’t give up. Instead explore, use your discernment, and find relief.