One of the most fascinating signs you are living outside your values is when success is not working for you. Everyone tells you how great you are; your bank accounts are full; it all adds up ‘on paper’. But you feel like a phony. Like you are getting away with something, living in a ‘supposed to’ – someone else’s dream. There is nothing wrong with success. But success outside of your values will always leave you wanting. Misaimed success can be a great catalyst for change.
If our values aren’t driving us, our circumstances likely are. We will say yes too often because we are trying to find something to connect with. Or we say no too often because we are afraid of failing or being found out. If you are blowing back and forth with every suggestion or terrified to try anything at all, you may be giving too much power to external perceptions and factors. Boundaries keep us from being too dependent on others and give us the freedom to discover our own unique voice.
Feel trapped. Can’t breathe. The walls are closing in. You have to get out of the office (or the house, etc.) every day just so you feel like you can breathe. If you constantly feel shackled, you likely are. But it is not the circumstances or people around you that hold the key to those locks. It is you.
8) The Out Clause
We live in an extremely transient society. Here today; gone tomorrow. One of the clever workarounds for living outside our values is to make everything new. Just work this job for a season. Just live here for ‘a while’. We always have one foot out the door. An out clause. We are terrified of commitment because we are afraid our choices aren’t going to serve our values adequately. This becomes a self-fulfilling-prophecy. If we cannot commit to something, it may be we need to face our fear and uncertainty. It may also be that this something does not align with who we are.