When it comes to relationships, we are experts in the game of self-preservation. We build up walls, fortify defenses, create story. All to protect the deep chamber of our souls, the core of us, from facing rejection and hardship.
The problem is that we have become too good at this game. The result is that even we cannot penetrate those walls! The stories created become the perspective through which we view truth. Everything is a little bit tainted, a little biased, and a little skewed toward our fame and betterment.
The cost of this mistake is true intimacy with one another. How are we supposed to let others know us when we do not truly know ourselves? The false sentiment of ‘you complete me’ has become popular as we expect others to tell us who we are; we hope that the relationship itself can define us since we are otherwise unsure how to define ourselves.
The Deep Chamber
We’ve effectively cut out the world from our deepest chamber. In doing so, we’ve forgotten what is in there ourselves. The reason we protect this sacred cavity is because it is the real us, the vulnerable truth about who we are and what we love.
We spend so much time going through the motions of self-preservation. We are so good at lying, even (maybe especially) to ourselves. If someone were to ask us what we really want, most of us would say money or notoriety or a vacation. We don’t know ourselves past the circumstances we find ourselves in – yet, we are aware enough to know we want more than these circumstances.
If we want to live a transformative life, full of healthy relationships, we need to take a journey to the center of us. Wielding the tools of courage and honesty, we need to explore who we really are and why. What really matters to me? What really makes me come alive?
Naming this deep chamber will help us begin the journey of knowing ourselves. Discovering our values and motivations, past the superficial level into their truest form, will help us understand our own thoughts and behaviors.
Aren’t we tired?
I don’t know about you, but I am so tired of being confused all the time. I’m tired of my own insecurities and the opinions of others having such a dominant influence on my daily decisions.
Aren’t you? Aren’t you tired of silencing your true self?
We cultivated a garden of lies to protect ourselves from being hurt. What it has done is prevent us from being known. The redemptive path begins internally.