Every child at some point makes the claim that life is not fair. And if we are honest with ourselves, it is a sentiment we never fully let go of. Even as adults, in our most troubling and frustrating circumstances, we feel the same thought bubbling to the surface. Just like with a child, when we talk about life being fair, we don’t really mean fair. What we mean is “life is not fair towards my advantage”. When we think this... Read more
The reality of communication is really a miracle, when you think about it. For reasons science cannot fully explain, my self has an idea. My brain or heart or soul (or all three in harmony) come up with an idea, a concept, a thought. And the instruments of my voice vibrate and push sound through invisible waves. The message travels through space toward my intended target. At the same time, there is a tiny little cone in my wife’s ear... Read more
I saw yet another ad today about dogs being “man’s best friend”. We’ve been talking about getting a dog for a couple years. I’m fine with dogs, just not crazy about them. I do think they are cute. I do think they are worth having and fun to be around. But what turns me off of the dog-owning idea is how we have taken something good and healthy and gone completely bonkers with it. We make jokes about how we love our dogs more... Read more
We are in a hurry to name villains. We want to call out bad behavior and bring it to justice. We might hide behind the façade of “goodness”, but what we really want is to feel safe and secure in who we are. We want villains to be “others”, “them”. It can be anybody as long as it is not ME. Part of it makes a lot of sense. We’ve seen villains get away with it for too long. Power... Read more
Almost everything about our world is fake. We are careful to make it so. The word fake does not just mean false. It is a false based on mimicking truth. There is a level of intentionality about fakeness. It is fools gold, counterfeit money, art forgeries, and plastic surgery – intended to look like the real thing, but sorely lacking in authenticity. Why We Are Fake The truth is too hard. It takes time, effort and intentionality. It costs... Read more
We humans have worked ourselves into a very specific narrative. When things are happening to me and I like them, life is good. When things are happening to me that I dislike, life is bad. And when life is bad, I need to fix it. I need to make it better. There are problems on either side of this spectrum. People get everything they ever wanted and are miserable. Some will find addictions, commit crimes, or steadily insist on more... Read more
We are all trying to lead. We want to be the boss. The one in charge. We want to call the shots and have others do our bidding. We want to be the captain steering the ship, the General giving the orders. Each of us has charge over exactly one person on this planet – ourselves. And it stands to reason that if we are responsible for that one person, we should want that one person to succeed in every... Read more
There is nothing more challenging than the onslaught of pain. Healing is a difficult and challenging proposition. Especially when you are in a relationship. We experience hurt differently. Pain is a very personal thing. Even if you are grieving over the same thing (the loss of a child, for example), the suffering plays out within each of us in unique ways. This is why pain can be so destructive to relationships. The divorce rate skyrockets for couples who have lost... Read more
I’ve heard my whole life that I need to be humble. I’ve read all of the Bible verses, listened to all of the definitions and the advice. Yet, I have to admit, when I hear the word humility I am not really sure what we are talking about. Once a pastor of mine called me a narcissist. And I don’t think it was true, but it really stung. Plus, how do you argue against the claim you are a narcissist?... Read more
Have you ever spent a day just doing “nothing”. You know, the days where you sleep in, never leave the house, maybe watch a lot of Netflix or read a hundred pages of a book. They are nice days, some of the time. But the weird thing about those days is how tired you feel after them. Those lazy days are exhausting. There is a weird (and very thin) line between rest and complacency. Sleeping twelve hours puts us in... Read more
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