It is a bizarre human phenomena. One of us can say something and another hear something completely different. Since a big element to our communication is physical, we are indeed saying more than we realize. In our politically-correct, emotionally-driven world, we are trying hard not to offend anybody and that saturates what we say. We can be passive-aggressive. We can get upset about something without naming (or even knowing) the deep cause for an anger. The result is that the... Read more
My brother once dated a girl and the two of them constantly got on my nerves. They had this weird relationship that was addicted to drama. Things could never be normal. Any semblance of normality and one of them would pick a fight with the other. It was like the relationship ran on high emotion. They constantly had to feel turbocharged to feel the relationship was justified. When I was dating the woman who would become my wife, the lack... Read more
There is a fascinating verse in the Bible that says this: “Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed” (Matthew 21:44). It is essentially saying that the person who willing surrenders to the truth will be hurt, challenged, and convicted by it. And the only other option is to deny it; but in doing so it will fall on us unawares and destroy us completely. One way or another,... Read more
One of the hardest things for us to do is admit when we are wrong. Acknowledging fault feels dangerous to us. And it is. While there are some good reasons we are afraid, the benefits outweigh the risks. Don’t Make A Mistake The reason we try so hard to cover up, deny, or run from our faults is because we live in a Don’t-Make-A-Mistake culture. There is evidence of this all around. We were watching a popular baking-competition-show on... Read more
The truth is, we don’t like consequences. At least, we don’t like the ones we don’t like. We actually love consequences when they work out in our favor. We love the feel of compensation for a job well done. However, most of us take this as a given and hardly notice it or associate it with consequences. When we think of consequences, we are most often considering the negative repercussions of our behavior. And we hate that. We try to... Read more
As we’ve traveled around the country doing leadership training, we read lots of books on leadership, and seriously contemplate how leadership affects our lives, one question has turned up with glaring consistency: Can anyone be a leader? Before we get too deep into tools and practices, concepts and approaches, for leadership, we have to determine exactly who the audience is. Can everyone be a leader? Or is it a calling for a select few? Why the Question Matters I... Read more
The New Year is underway. The holiday season is on the downswing as 2019 gets going in earnest. Some have already given up on resolutions, students are heading back to class soon, and work has started again. With traditions, complicated family dynamics, and transforming decorations, the gap of time between Thanksgiving to New Years is full of emotions. The ups are particularly high and the downs are especially low. Why are our emotions so heightened during this season? What are... Read more
Expectations are a tricky thing. On the one hand, it is healthy to expect certain things – to be treated with respect, to not be interrupted, to have the laws obeyed, etc. On the other hand, our expectations are so deep and so thorough that we do not even know their full extent ourselves. We expect people to react in very specific ways. I once had a friend who would ‘test’ people in her life by acting a certain way.... Read more
In this season of new beginnings, all of us are contemplating change to one degree or another. We all want to change. We want to feel better or be better or look better. We want more money, more friends, more free time. And all of these things are possible. They really are. But it takes work. There aren’t any shortcuts to change. Well, there are, but they are as rare as winning the lottery. We are convinced we want to... Read more
There is perhaps nothing more definitive for a culture than language. A shared vernacular helps distinguish one community from another. Ethnic cultures around the world can be discerned by their languages. You can tell which generation a person is from by hearing the kinds of words and references they use. Vernacular shapes culture. It helps determine a nuanced set of jokes and verbiage to delineate what is honorable and what is shameful. And to delineate one culture from another. This is... Read more
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