It hits us everyday. Fear. The act of being afraid is a universally human experience. It pierces all race, age, geography, and time. Why? Why are we so afraid? What is it about fear that finds its way into every human heart and mind? Safety It might seem obvious and simple, but the foundation for our fear comes from a desire for safety. We want to make sure we are ok – accepted, loved, cared for, seen. Fear is born... Read more
When we think about culture, we often think about some alien force that has inhabited humanity. It makes us do things and value things, reinforces certain thoughts and behaviors, and normalizes things, some good and some very bad. The thought of changing this alien entity feels overwhelming. We don’t know how we got here. We can name the things that are culture, but we cannot very easily say what culture is. Yet, culture is something we all participate in. We often... Read more
When we think about the word leader, we often think about it as a prize. A title. A trophy for the best and the brightest. Like fame, we seek leadership for the rewards. The money. The prestige. And most importantly – the acknowledgement that we are good and what we are doing matters. The result is a complicated dance of performance, self-interest, and labeling. Like a sporting event, we want to know our score, our value, and how we measure up to... Read more
It happens everyday. We mess up. We make mistakes. Imperfect people make imperfect choices. We live in flawed communities with faulty relationships, all in the midst of a culture striving to be better. Part of the striving includes inevitable failure. But how do we make sure we fail forward? Believe it or not, every situation, season and setting are an opportunity to learn. Pain is a faithful teacher. Like a kid falling off a bike, scraped knees can either be... Read more
It seems like it shouldn’t be so hard. I don’t like what I’m doing. But I am having trouble changing my ways. The attempts at new behaviors just aren’t working. A lot of us understand what to do but have a hard time figuring out how to do it. Our system one is so deeply embedded and reinforced that we cannot seem to find our way to change behavior. Change happens in the structural tension between our There and our Here. Too often, we are focused on... Read more
Every day, we face a myriad of choices. They flash and jump and shout in front of us, vying for the important result of our decision. With competing agendas, the hope is to influence us to choose a perspective that benefits the parties involved. We hear all the time the importance of priorities. Organizing what we are to do into what is most important and what is least. This sounds a lot easier than it is. The main issue with... Read more
It happens in every marriage. Two people who live together can’t help but grate on each other at some point. Two different backgrounds. Two different priorities and sets of values. Two entirely different people trying to live as one. Marital arguments are an age-old reality. One side trying to make their point and get their way. Both sides fighting to be heard and valued. The argument is nature’s way of deciphering a winner. It is relational survival-of-the-fittest. And you may... Read more
There is something significant about the start of a brand new day. The deck reshuffles. The cycle of life starts anew. We awaken to new opportunity. No matter what happened before, there is a freshness to the day. We may wake up groggy or dreading the agenda waiting for us. But the newness is there. When we despair, it is because the newness feels a lot like sameness. A lifetime of new days has convinced us there is nothing new... Read more
You may have heard it said a thousand times. Forgiveness is more about the person forgiving than the one being forgiven. It might be true, although it certainly does not feel like it. In the difficult challenge of navigating relationship, forgiveness can be a powerful tool, an asset or a liability. And it’s not just about the good of one or the other. Forgiveness sets the whole relationship free. It blurs the line between forgiver and forgivee and allows the... Read more
Deeply seeded in each of us is a fear of rejection. We wear it on us like a heavy cloak, constantly feeling its weight on our shoulders. It informs what we do, what we say, and how we think. It is the driving force (or at least one of them) behind how we relate to others, what we think of our leaders, and how we determine our commitments. We run from rejection like it is a plague. And it is.... Read more
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