My parents are in town visiting this week. They live in the Galveston, TX area and were deeply saddened, as we all were, to hear of a school shooting just a few miles from their house. What was once a rare occasion, the use of terror, has become less and less of an oddity in today’s world. There are hurting people out in the world. Even crazy people. We are at odds with one another, angry at our differences, convinced... Read more
I woke up a few days ago and thought about the day ahead. I hadn’t even rolled off the bed yet, but I was measuring, anticipating, and wondering. There is a lot going on in our lives right now. Ever since our miscarriage in December, I’ve encountered many difficult days. So, in the morning hours of that day, I had a crazy idea. I thought to myself: ‘Can I just choose the day? Can I just decide it is going... Read more
There is a high school around the corner from us in Brooklyn. A couple times a day students spread out around the neighborhood, laughing and cutting up in the unique way of adolescence. Yesterday, I passed a pair of teens who I presume were dating. The girl was very upset with the guy. She was screaming at him about a small misunderstanding that had caused some offense and hurt feelings. After taking the abuse for a few quiet minutes, the... Read more
There is perhaps nothing more devastating to modern relationships than our inability to really listen to one another. The noise we hear from our partners in community is only a fraction of what they are trying to say. We are terrible listeners. Always thinking of what we are going to say next. Easily bored and distracted by anything that is of no clear and direct benefit to us. The unity of our relationships is off-kilter when each of us desperately... Read more
As a writer, one of the things I struggle with is motivation. One of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was the idea that inspiration was this random magic I had no part to play in. I’ve wasted too many days not writing because I did not feel like writing. All of us, in all walks of life, struggle with motivation. We are crippled by our lack of desire. We wait around passively for the desire to jump-start us as if... Read more
Last week, I went to a movie in The Upper West Side of Manhattan. As I took my seat in the theater, I realized the median age in the room was about seventy. It made me smile and shrug. A cute older couple sat next to me. The woman and I made eye contact and she asked me which row and seat I was in to ensure they were in the right spot. Her husband was fumbling with a backpack,... Read more
It is really hard to love people. Sometimes they just need an ear and sometimes they need advice. Sometimes we ought to press in and sometimes we ought to back away. There is a particular kind of person who is hard to help. The Co-dependent Tarzan. This person swings from one relationship to another, searching for validation, his only salvation against gravity is the weight he pulls from those around him. Confused and desperate and stuck in the tornado of... Read more
I’m wrestling with the annoyingly constant fact that if I do not feel ok, I am not okay. I make a god of my emotions. My whole trust is put in them. They are my value, my perspective, and my guide. If I feel good today, it was a good day. If I feel lousy, it was an awful day. Emotion is the barometer I use to measure meaning, success, and validation. Is it possible I have vaulted emotions to... Read more
We work with an organization that sends teams out into the world. These teams usually consist of seven people who are assigned to be together. They live with one another, work, play, and travel – all together. Part of our coaching is helping them work through the inevitable issues of living in community. And there is one refrain we hear way too often. It goes something like this: ‘These just aren’t my kind of people. I’d never be friends with... Read more
We live in a constantly changing world. In a rapidly progressing culture, we find ourselves spurred on by newness. Some of the newness is helpful, but most of it is not. It doesn’t really matter. Almost immediately after receiving the new thing, we are waiting in expectation for the next new thing. Why? What is our culture’s fascination with newness? An obvious observation is that we are a dissatisfied people, unable to appreciate what we have and be thankful for... Read more
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