The Meditation Practice for People Too Busy to Meditate

November 17, 2023 By Tom Rapsas

waiting meditation — Kevin Rajaram vis Unsplash

If you’re the kind of person who says they don’t have time to meditate, this meditation may be for you—because it doesn’t take time out of your day, it’s something you do during your day. It’s called the “waiting meditation” and I learned about if from Zen teacher Jan Chozen Bays in the Everyday Mindfulness section of the Waking Up app.

Personally, I find the best time to meditate is in the morning, ideally at sunrise. But some mornings, when you wake up late, or need to tend to family responsibilities, or would rather just read a book, meditation doesn’t work. That’s the beauty of the waiting meditation: You can find opportunities to practice it throughout even the busiest of days. Bays explains the practice this way:

Anytime you find yourself waiting, whether you’re in line at the store, waiting for someone who’s late, or waiting for the spinning icon on your computer screen to go away, take this as an opportunity to practice a form of mindfulness, meditation or prayer.

Think about it: The next time you’re stuck in a traffic jam, or in a long checkout line at the supermarket, or waiting in a doctor’s office, you’re presented with the chance to get a quick meditation or prayer session in. And you might have this opportunity several times a day.

A barrier to waiting meditation: our natural tendency to distract ourselves.

Bays points out that when it comes to waiting, we seem to have trouble staying in the moment and begin looking for distractions. In her words, “We might turn on the TV or radio, text someone on the phone, or mindlessly scroll through our favorite social media channel, or just sit and fume.” The trick is to break this habit—by changing the way we view waiting.

While waiting “usually provokes negative emotions,” Bays also tells us it “can be transformed into a gift—the gift of free time to practice.” So, the next time you’re waiting in line, or stuck in traffic, you need to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of picking up your phone and instead try practicing mindfulness. Bay believes that:

Even a few extra minutes of practice woven into the day, can have great benefits. Each time we can stop and not allow a negative mindset—like getting angry at the traffic or irritated at the slow cashier—the negative feeling will dissolve and often be replace by a form of happiness.

By carving out moments in the day to become more present and mindful, we can enjoy some of the chillaxing benefits of meditation with minimal effort. It turns waiting into, in Bays words, “unexpected extra time to practice being present.” This allows us to “bring the thread of the awareness up from where it lies hidden in the complex fabric of our lives.”

Here are 2 simple waiting meditation practices.

For starters, if you find yourself waiting, remind yourself: It’s okay. You now have some free time to center yourself and become fully present. Bays provides us with a couple of practice ideas that I’m going to paraphrase and expand on.

Practice #1: Focus on your breath.

Turn your attention to the area of your body where you’re most aware of your breathing, whether it’s the nostrils, chest or belly. (For me, it’s the chest.) Then, taking slow, measured breaths, focus on the air as it enters your body … and leaves your body. Each time you breathe out, imagine releasing any tension you’re holding, around the eyes, mouth, shoulders, or stomach.

Practice #2. Listen to the sounds around you.

Move your awareness from your eyes and your head to your ears. Bays tells us to “open and expand your hearing to take in the whole room.” At the website Mindful.com, Bob Stahl explains the sound practice this way:

Any sound can be the object of our focus in mindfulness practice. Even the most annoying sounds, like a horn blaring outside, an alarm clock beeping, or people yelling, can be perceived differently when we bring mindfulness to them. The annoyance of those sounds doesn’t come from the sounds themselves; it comes from our interpretation of those sounds as “bad.” When we bring mindfulness to it, we shift our relationship from aversion to curiosity, allowing the sounds to rise and fall, lessening their negative impact.

What sounds are you hearing that you might otherwise overlook? You might hear birds chirping in the distance. Cars and trucks rolling by on a nearby highway. Or the whir of the heater or air conditioner blowing through the home, car or building you’re now sitting in. Listen without analyzing. Recognize the sound and then release it.

A final thought on meditation for those who are too busy.

The following ideas come from my friend Becca Chopra, an author and yogini from Hawaii. You might call these “instant meditations” as they only take a few seconds to implement. By following these simple ideas, you can bring a little more mindfulness to your day.

If you can’t meditate, pause before every sip of coffee.
If you can’t pray, simply say “thank you” before every meal.
If you can’t manifest, enjoy what’s already yours.

Don’t Like Meditation? Try this Simple Breathing Exercise

October 5, 2023 By Tom Rapsas

0 Comments

breathing exercise — Darius Bashar via Unsplash

I once read a story that asked a singer/performer, I think it was Bonnie Raitt, “What was the best piece of advice you ever received?” Her response consisted of a single word:

“Breathe.”

The songstress had been given this tip from her father, who had pointed out that when we’re stressed or feeling a little bit tense, we tend to shorten our breath. And at those moments, there’s nothing better we can do to steady ourselves than to take a big, deep gulp of air.

I was reminded of this advice when reading The Last Barrier, the autobiography of the late English author and spiritual teacher Reshad Feild. In the book, Feild is told by his spiritual mentor that learning to breathe properly is “the study of a lifetime” and the rhythm and quality of your breathing “can help change the course of your life.”

It was instruction that Feild took to heart, and as part of his life work, he continually stressed the importance of breathing. Feild was also the founder of the Sufi-inspired Chalice School and if you go to the school’s website, in large ninety-point type, you will be greeted by the following message:

“All is contained in the Divine Breath, like the day in the morning’s dawn.”

There is a section of the Chalice School site that is devoted to the importance of breathing titled “Breath is Life.” Here, Feild echoes the lessons he was taught as a young man telling us:

The secret of life is in the breath. We come into this world on the breath and we go out on the breath; but if we are not awake to breath, we will surely die asleep to the reality of life itself. Breath is life.

Feild recommends that we engage in a practice he calls the “7-1-7 Breathing Exercise” also known as the “Mother’s Breath,” a simple exercise that originates from ancient Egypt. I have edited Feild’s words on the subject and put them into the eight-step practice below.

Practicing the 7-1-7 Breath

Sit in a hard-backed chair. Keep your back straight, without forcing it. Feel the flow of energy move through you. (I imagine it moving up and down my spine.)
Place your feet flat on the floor, with heels together and toes apart forming a triangle. Legs should be uncrossed. Your arms should be relaxed and your hands should rest on your knees.
Before you start the conscious breathing practice, visualize the most beautiful object in nature you can imagine. It could be a plant, a tree, a waterfall, the sea, or whatever has special meaning to you.
Your eyes can be open or closed. Either way, focus on a point approximately eight feet in front of you. If your eyes are closed, imagine the picture of what you’ve chosen. If you’re focusing on an object, put it as close to eight feet away from you as you can.
Next comes the sacred rhythm, the 7-1-7 rhythm of the Mother’s Breath. The method is simple, though initially it may seem difficult since we are used to breathing without any form of attention or consciousness.
Breathe into the solar plexus (the pit of your stomach) for the count of seven, pause for one count, then for another seven counts radiate out breath from the “heart center”, the point in the center of your chest. Important note: When counting to seven, you do not have to count in precise measured seconds. It’s not the speed that matters, it’s the actual number of counts. Choose the speed, fast or slow, that suits you.
Having breathed in for the count of seven, pause for one count and at the same time, bring your attention to the center of the chest. Then breathe out for the count of seven. As you breathe out, radiate love and goodwill from your center.
To complete the practice, return to your senses. Come back to your body and be awake to the room and your surroundings.

The whole exercise should only take you about ten minutes and Feild recommends trying it a few times a day. I find it’s a great companion to and substitute for meditation, with many of the same calming and revitalizing effects. As Feild says, it will leave you with a “tremendous sense of wonder and gratitude.” And if you can’t spare the 10 minutes, remember this simple advice when feeling stressed: Stop what you’re doing—and simply breathe.

This story is included in the new book Wake Up Call: Daily Insights for the Spiritually Curious, now available from Wildhouse Publishing.

The Thinking Person’s Guide to Meditation

March 2, 2023 By Tom Rapsas

0 Comments

thinking meditation — Jen Theodore via Unsplash

Are you the type of person who has trouble meditating because they can’t turn off their chattering brain? Well, I’ve got a meditation for you. It dates back over 2,000 years and it comes from the Stoic school of philosophy. And unlike most meditation practices, it actually involves thinking.

The Stoics are an interesting bunch. Prominent before Jesus walked the earth, the Stoics followed a philosophy that centered on personal virtue. They believed the key to flourishing as a human being isn’t economic or social gain, but to live a morally ethical life. It isn’t what you say that makes you ethical, it’s how you live your day-to-day life.

In A Guide to The Good Life, The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, William B. Irvine covers all things Stoic, but one especially interesting section is on meditation. Through Irvine, the famed Stoic Seneca advises us to meditate regularly on the events that make up our daily lives. That means reflecting at the end of each day on any personal problems you solved, what temptations you resisted, and where you might show improvement.

To the last point, Seneca once reflected on a dinner party he had just attended. He was not seated in the place of honor he thought he deserved but in the back of the hall. Steamed, he spent the banquet angry at the person who had assigned his seat and jealous of those who had better seats than he did. But at the end of the day, he assessed his behavior like this:

You lunatic, what difference does it make what part of the couch you put your weight on?

It was a behavioral faux pas he promised himself he would never make again.

The difference between Zen meditation and Stoic meditation

As you’ve probably surmised, there’s a huge difference between the Zen-influenced meditation that’s popular today and Stoic meditation. While most meditation practices encourage us to empty the mind, the Stoics do exactly the opposite. Their minds remain quite active. You might refer to it a thinking person’s meditation.

Similar to the Jesuit practice of examen, Stoics like Seneca would meditate daily. At bedtime, they would look back and reflect on the day’s events and examine their conduct and character. Seneca was well aware that while he could not control events, he could control his reaction to them. During his meditation period, Seneca would ask himself questions like:

Did anything upset my tranquility or composure today?
Did I experience anger or envy or lust?
Was I boastful when I could have been humble?
Is there anything I could have done better?

Irvine points out that the goal of Stoic meditation isn’t to stop us from experiencing emotion, but to have fewer negative emotions. This involves not over-reacting to any challenges or disturbances that come our way. We go with the flow and take them in stride. By doing this we spend less time wishing things could be different and more time enjoying things as they are. We also enjoy a degree a tranquility that the unexamined life lacks.

If you’re feeling especially stressed, or need to give your overanalyzing mind a welcome break, I still think that good old-fashioned Eastern-style meditation works best. But for those who want to reduce their negative emotions while honing their character, a regular Stoic meditation practice is well worth exploring.

Here’s a bonus meditation from another Stoic: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Movie star and former politician Arnold Schwarzenegger is a self-professed fan of stoicism. So it may come as no surprise that Schwarzenegger once said, that if you want to endure and overcome obstacles, “it’s not about what you are in life, but who.” In other words, character and virtue matter more to a satisfying life than lesser attributes like fame and popularity.

I receive Schwarzenegger’s daily motivational email and he recently pointed out that while he loves meditation, he realizes it’s not for everyone. So he called attention to a new study that showed breathwork can improve your mood and reduce anxiety—and might be even better for your mind and body. There were two breathing methods that proved to be effective.

Cyclic sighing. It works like this: Breathe in through your nose. When you’ve comfortably filled your lungs, take a second, deeper sip of air to expand your lungs as much as possible. Then, very slowly, exhale through your mouth until all the air is gone.
Box breathing. This consists of equal lengths of inhaling, holding your breath, and exhaling. For example, breath in for four seconds, hold your breath for another four seconds, and then breathe out for four more seconds.

The amazing news is the study showed that using one of these breathwork practices for just 5 minutes a day had a positive effect, resulting in less stress and a better mood. You might want to try one right now.

For another alternative take on meditation, see The Lazy Person’s Guide to Meditation.

The Lazy Person’s Guide to Meditation

January 26, 2022 By Tom Rapsas

easy meditation — Jeremy Bishop via Unsplash

I’ve written about meditation many times at Wake Up Call. In fact, so many times that you might get the idea that I meditate on a regular basis. I do not—though I do go through phases where I meditate daily.

The issue with meditation? It’s hard to find time to do the recommended two 20-minute sessions a day. I know, there’s the old saying that if you can’t find 20 minutes to meditate, you need to set aside an hour. Call me lazy but I find myself frequently using my spare time elsewhere (including pursuing other spiritual activities).

That’s why I’d like to introduce you to 2 meditation-like techniques that only take a few minutes. You can do them whenever you feel like. And in both cases, they have a way of calming and centering you, offering a taste of the benefits of meditation without the work.

Both of these approaches are pulled from the Sam Harris Waking Up app, which also features a bevy of standard meditations. Each represents a way to get “out of your head,” giving the over-thinking, ego-driven mind a break. They also help us become aware that the world is vaster and more awe-inspiring than our little brains ever imagined.

First, a look at 2 different types of consciousness.

The English philosopher Alan Watts once talked about 2 types of consciousness. One Watt called “spotlight consciousness” which is the ego-based, “me” consciousness. It’s the focus most of us bring to daily life. The other type of consciousness he coined “floodlight consciousness.” It’s a state-of mind where we have a total awareness of our surroundings and the vastness of life.

Watts cites an example when we use both types of consciousness at once. When we’re driving a car and having a conversation with a passenger, we employ our spotlight consciousness to engage with the person next to us. But even though we are not thinking about it, we are also engaging our floodlight consciousness. We are totally aware of our surroundings as we safely motor down the road.

The two approaches that follow are all about engaging the spotlight form of consciousness, the total awareness that is always present, even when we don’t recognize it. As Loch Kelly says, to find this awareness, there’s no manager or thought process required. The awareness exists by itself, so it’s just a matter of getting the “small mind” out of the way and realizing it is there.

Lazy Technique #1: The Direct Approach

This mindfulness practice comes from Stephan Bodian who believes it is “more spontaneous and less laborious” than regular meditation. Author of the landmark 1998 book Meditation for Dummies, Bodian tells us that we already have the wisdom and compassion we’re looking for. We just need to locate it by parting the clouds that hide it and tuning into the awareness that is always present. When we do this, we arrive at a natural state of “inner spaciousness” with little or no effort on our part.”

As you begin this exercise, remember to have no expectations. There is no need to strive for anything. Just sit in a comfortable chair.
Take a few moments to shift from your focus from your thinking mind to your breath. Allow both your body and mind to settle in.
Sit quietly and let everything be as it is. Don’t follow your breathing, just let everything be.
Let any sense of boundaries dissolve between you and the world around you. Move beyond the mind and the body and rest in this open awareness. There’s no need to look for it, it is already there.
Consider the sky. It doesn’t have to do anything. This innate openness is your natural state.
Thoughts are like birds or clouds. They are just passing through. If you find yourself fixated on people or events, let them pass. Return to the field of awareness.
Let go of any judgements. There’s no doing, no manipulation, just rest. Sink back into the awareness that is the source of all that is.
When you are ready go, about your day, remembering this awareness that is always there.

Lazy Technique #2: Glimpsing

The glimpsing technique comes from Loch Kelly and represents another way to get out of the head and enjoy “the pervasive, spaciousness of awareness.” Kelly, a meditation teacher, says his goal is to get the ego to “let go, to semi-retire.” To do this, he focuses on our vision to help calm us and tamper down our internal monologue. (Sounds crazy, but it works.)

Sit comfortably and settle in, keeping your eyes open. Feel your body resting on a chair or cushion.
Focus your eyes on a specific object in the awareness field in front of you for a moment. Move to another object. Then to a third object.
Now, soften your gaze away from individual objects and with your eyes open, begin “receiving” the world around you. Keep your vision as open as possible, without focusing on anything.
Breathe. And smile.
Now, open the awareness to each side of your body, using your peripheral vision, on both the left and right. Become cognizant of the field of awareness that is on both sides of you.
Move this awareness into your head and then allow it to move through you. Recognize the field of awareness that is now behind your back.
There is no effort involved. The awareness exists by itself. Let go. Just be.
Stand up. Stretch. Move with this open-hearted presence. It is still with you and around you.

You can see a short video of the above exercise. Start at the 3:00 mark.

The 10-Step “God Loves You” Meditation

January 12, 2020 By Tom Rapsas

Whenever I feel myself getting stressed and overburdened by the demands of work and/or life, I often come to a sudden realization: I haven’t been meditating lately.

It’s weird how this very simple act—and meditation is simple—has the almost magical effect of calming you down and making you better prepared for the day ahead. It’s a way to get your chattering “monkey-mind” under control, so you’re not captive to your brain incessantly jumping from thought to thought to thought. Meditation allows you to be more mindful and fully present to the series of moments that are your life.

For those who say they can’t meditate, know this: the important part about meditation is NOT how well you do it. It’s about how consistently you do it. The fact is you can have a stinky meditation session, where your thoughts keep intruding in on your attempts to quiet your head, yet you will still come away feeling better for having done it. The effort alone seems to help.

Plus, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Saying you can’t meditate is the equivalent of a sedentary person deciding to take up jogging and quitting after 2 or 3 attempts because they’re having trouble catching their breath. You get better with practice—and it is worth practicing because of the benefits you will receive.

The author and creator of the Waking Up app Sam Harris, explained the importance of meditation, and its benefits, this way in an interview with Leapsmag:

Until you have some capacity to be mindful, you have no choice but to be lost in every next thought that arises. You can’t notice thought as thought, it just feels like you. So therefore, you’re hostage to whatever the emotional or behavioral consequences of those thoughts are. If they’re angry thoughts, you’re angry. If they’re desire thoughts, you’re filled with desire.

The 10-Step “God Loves You” Meditation

This meditation is based on a practice I read about in Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation email. Rohr adapted the meditation from the book Christian Meditation: Experiencing the Presence of God by James Finley. I have modified it further, by editing it down to a series of steps and adding a few additional thoughts.

Finley sees meditation as a way of slowing down and settling into a deep awareness of your oneness with God. Yet, if you talked to Harris, he would leave the God part out. I think this is a personal choice. Either way, you wind up at the same destination, a place where your mind is clear and you are better able to be present to others and more tuned in to your own life.

Sit down. Quietly focus your attention on your breathing.
Breathe out slowly and be quietly aware of breathing out. Breathe in slowly and be quietly aware of breathing in.
Begin counting each in-and out breath. Breathe in-ONE—breathe out-ONE. Breathe in-TWO—breathe out-TWO.
Each time you realize you have drifted off into a random thought or memory, simply return to your breathing and start your counting back at one. Try to anchor your attention in the present-moment.
Once you feel anchored and your mind is relatively clear, stop counting. With each exhale begin repeating the simple phrase “I love you.” You are directing this love to God or whatever higher power you believe in.
As you inhale, listen to the incoming breath intently and imagine hearing a silent “I love you” from God. In this moment, God loves you in return and is flowing into you.
As you exhale, breathe out a silent “I love you” back to God.
As you inhale, be aware of the air as being that of God flowing into you, as a divine gift.
As you exhale, allow your silent “I love you” to be your very being, flowing back into the depths of God.
Continue to be open to God breathing love into the depths of your being, as you breathe a gift of love back into God.

Like most meditations, you should devote about 15-20 minutes to each session. Daily is best. It’s okay to miss a day or two, but when you first start try going a few days consecutively to get the hang of it. Finley believes the benefits of this meditation are substantial. In his lightly edited words:

This one practice alone, engaged in with heartfelt sincerity and devotion, can awaken you to God’s total and complete oneness with you. As this realization grows, you will begin to realize how foolish it is to imagine that God is, in any way, distant from you. You discover how foolish it is to imagine that you could in any way, hide from God, who is wholly one with all that is within your mind and heart, your very being.

For a variety of other meditations you may want to try, click on the links in this story. They lead to additional meditations or meditation-related activities.

The 10-Step “Loving God” Meditation

November 5, 2019 By Tom Rapsas

A funny thing happened on the way to publishing this column. I discovered that the person I was writing about, a former-priest who had authored a series of books about the healing power of meditation and prayer, had been credibly named as a child molester.

His name is Ron Roth and he served as a priest for 25 years, primarily in the Catholic Church Archdiocese and Dioceses of Illinois. A self-described mystic, he once appeared on “The Joan Rivers Show” and knew the spiritual author Caroline Myss, who wrote the introduction to one of his books. He later formed an independent ministry where he served until his death at age 71 in 2009.

Doing a Google search of Ron Roth to try and determine why he left the priesthood, I found his name in a local 1993 news report, where he was accused of sexually abusing two children. I then found him listed in a shockingly large compendium of clergy sex abusers in Illinois, published in 2019, where additional incidents of abuse are reported. (Link here, see page 104.) Which got me wondering…

Is it possible to separate the teacher from the teachings?

The past half-century is littered with gurus and clergy, spiritual teachers and religious leaders, who have abused their positions of power, betraying their calling and harming the very people they should have been serving. Most despicable is the sexual abuse of children, a plague in the Catholic Church I once called home.

Yet, when we look at these miscreants, in some cases we must ask: do the spiritual lessons they taught still have merit? Is the message spoiled because the messenger is rotten? Ultimately, you, the reader must be the judge of that, but in Roth’s case, it may be worth trying to separate the teachings from the teacher.

Roth believed there was a common thread that ran through all religions. That thread is a “Divine light” that radiates within all of us, regardless of our race, age, sex or faith. By tapping into this light/energy, we have direct access to the “Divine Source” or God and the love that God has to bestow upon us. Writing in his 1997 book The Healing Path of Prayer, Roth explains:

The essence of God is light; the essence of God is energy. So when God said, “Let there be light,” He created from the essence of his own being a process through which all of creation would contain the essence and the life of God. Through the spoken word, energy was created. Everything created from that point on was created out of light, out of energy.

While Roth believed in the power of prayer, he also believed that meditation provided us with an alternate way to connect us with the light of the Divine. For Roth, the light/energy is “all around us and we haven’t tapped into it.” He claimed that when we learn to tap into this energy through prayer or meditation, “it will work wonders” for us.

What follows is a lightly edited version of one of Roth’s meditations, a way to access the energy and light of God he writes about. While unnamed in the book, I’m calling it:

The 10-Step “Loving God” Meditation

Gently close your eyes. Take 3 deep breaths and release yourself from the thoughts and concerns of your day.
Spend a few minutes focusing on your breath as a way of grounding yourself, observing your breath coming in and out of your body. As you breathe in, you breathe in the light and breath of God. As you exhale, the light is returned to the world.
When you have settled in, begin to envision a glowing light surrounding your heart. Think of that light as the essence and presence of God.
Envision this merciful and loving light of God moving through every part of your body, your shoulders, your arms, your hands, your torso, your legs, your feet, your eyes, your ears, your throat, the crown of your head, until your whole body is engulfed in light.
As your body is being flooded with light, envision your entire being engulfed by the energy that is the love and mercy of God.
Imagine a powerful ray of light moving from the center of your body to the top of your head and out your body. You are now in the very presence of God whose spirit is everywhere.
Allow the spirit of God to conjure up someone in your life who is in need of love or prayer. Imagine the light surrounding that person with the presence of God which is light.
Continue to allow the Holy Spirit of God, the breath of life, to engulf you. Feel that the energy is coming to you. Allow the spirit to fill you with light.
Allow that light, the presence of God, to move out of you. As it energizes and heals others, it returns to you.
When you are done, take 3 deep breaths. Remain quiet for a few moments as you let God love you. Open your eyes.

Was Ron Roth a charlatan? Or simply a broken, damaged man who, while having the ability to write and preach convincingly about the power of prayer, had sinister urges he could not control? Is it possible that great goodness and great evil can simultaneously exist in the same person? Did his double life, one that swung between light and deep darkness, trouble him? If he was alive and confronted today, what would he have to say?

Feeling Lonely? Try the 8-Step Heart Meditation

June 6, 2019 By Tom Rapsas

loneliness — Madison Lavern via Unsplash

Have you ever felt lonely—even though you’re surrounded by people? Today, it’s easier than ever to become disconnected from those around you. One reason: There are so many potential diversions in our lives, the leading culprit being the smartphone you may be holding right now.

Too often, our online connections supersede the relationships we have with the people sitting right next to us. The result can be an emotional vacuum or empty feeling inside, because our online relationships just can’t replace the intimacy of real life.

This is one of many modern-day problems that Pedram Shojai addresses in his book The Urban Monk. The good news is Shojai has a solution that can break us out of our smartphone stupor. It starts by connecting with someone you can easily get in touch with—yourself. In his words:

If you feel lonely and isolated, then you must know that the solution is an inside game. Don’t look to fill the silence or emptiness with meaningless things to do or other people to waste time with. Fill it with yourself.

What Shojai asks us to do is tap into “the Source,” a place within us “from which happiness springs.” While the author isn’t too specific as to what the Source is, it’s pretty clear that it’s the Divine, aka God. It’s that flicker of light that exists within each of us that, with a little fanning, can be turned into a strong and enduring flame.

Saying you need to tap into the Source sounds well and good, but how do you do it? Shojai recommends you try the meditation below, a slightly different take on traditional meditation as it places a special emphasis on the area around your heart. It appears below, in a slightly edited version; be sure to spend a full minute on each step before moving on to the next one.

The 8-Step Heart-Centered Meditation

Sit in a comfortable position and start breathing in and out through your nose, all the way to just below your navel.
Take a few minutes to settle your mind and anchor your breath down low.
From here, move your attention to the center of your heart and bring your hands in front of you with your palms together fingertips facing up.
Focus on your breath coming in and out of you for a few breaths.
Feel this area within you warming up.
Sense the unconditional love in your heart; feel it expand.
Feel this love with each inhale and exhale; project this love outward from your heart. Feel it for everyone you know, love, hate, need to forgive, have yet to meet.
Do this for several breaths; anchor this love in the center of your heart.

Note: You’ll see that in this meditation there is no mantra, but you can feel free to add one. While many mantras consist of a single word, I find I do better with a short phrase. In this case, “Lord, open my heart” repeated over and over.

Here are some other ways to address the loneliness void.

Shojai also has some practical ideals for dealing with the feeling something isn’t right inside us. He asks us to ponder four pointed questions that can often uncover one or more deep-rooted issues that we’re subconsciously dealing with and need to work out. Ponder each question below and see if one or more resonate within you.

Do you need to make better friends?
How can you make amends with your family?
What are your interests and how can you move toward those?
How can you use your alone time to better yourself?

For those with families at home, he advises us to reconnect the old-fashioned way—by doing things together. He recommends taking walks, riding bikes, playing board games and cooking a meal together as great ways to connect with family members, young and old. These activities, when done together, can help us bond on a deep level.

Loneliness cannot be overcome by getting something, only by giving something.

Are you in a place in your life where your friends are few and family is far away? John Templeton advises us that “You cannot be lonely if you help the lonely.” Look inside to find the empathy and resources you have that can be shared with others.

Templeton asks us to “spend an unselfish hour with someone less fortunate,” be it a neighbor or a homeless person you regularly encounter. “Share the priceless gifts of caring, encouragement, appreciation and praise” with someone in need, for it helps both the giver and the receiver.

The simple breathing exercise that works like meditation

July 9, 2018 By Tom Rapsas

breathing — Eli Defaria via unsplash.com

I once read a story that asked a singer/performer, Bonnie Raitt I think, “What was the best piece of advice you ever received?” Her response consisted of a single word:

“Breathe”

The songstress had been given this tip from her father who had pointed out that when we’re stressed or feeling a little bit tense, we tend to shorten our breath. And at those moments, there’s nothing better we can do to steady ourselves than take a big, deep gulp of air.

It was instruction that Feild took to heart, and as part of his life work, he continually stressed the importance of breathing. Feild was also the founder of the Sufi-inspired Chalice School and if you go to the school’s website, in large 90-point type, you will be greeted by the following message:

‘All is contained in the Divine Breath, like the day in the morning’s dawn’

There is a section of the Chalice School site that is devoted to the importance of breathing titled “Breath is Life.” Here, Feild echoes the lessons he was taught as a young man telling us:

The secret of life is in the breath. We come into this world on the breath and we go out on the breath; but if we are not awake to breath, we will surely die asleep to the reality of life itself. Breath is life.

Feild recommends that we engage in a practice he calls the “7-1-7 Breathing Exercise” which is also known as the Mother’s Breath. This simple exercise originates from ancient Egypt and is focused entirely on the breath. I have edited Feild’s words on the subject and put them into the 8-step practice below.

Practicing the 7-1-7 Breath

Sit in a hard-backed chair. Keep your back straight, without forcing it. Feel the flow of energy move through you. (I imagine it moving up and down my spine.)
Place your feet flat on the floor, with heels together and toes apart forming a triangle. Legs should be uncrossed. Your arms should be relaxed and your hands should rest on your knees.
Before you start the conscious breathing practice, visualize the most beautiful object in nature you can imagine. It could be a plant, a tree, a waterfall, the sea, or whatever has special meaning to you.
Your eyes can be open or closed. Either way, focus on a point approximately eight feet in front of you. If your eyes are closed, imagine the picture of what you’ve chosen. If you’re focusing on an object, put it as close to eight feet away from you as you can.
Next comes the sacred rhythm, the 7-1-7, 7-1-7 rhythm of the Mother’s Breath. The method is simple, though initially it may seem difficult, since we are used to breathing without any form of attention or consciousness.
Breathe into the solar plexus (the pit of your stomach) for the count of seven, pause for one count, and then for another seven counts radiate out breath from the “heart center”, the point in the center of your chest. IMPORTANT NOTE: When counting to 7, you do not have to count in precise measured seconds. It’s not the speed that matters, it’s the actual number of counts. Choose the speed, fast or slow, that suits you.
Having breathed in for the count of seven, pause for one count and at the same time, bring your attention to the center of the chest. Then breathe out for the count of seven. As you breathe out, radiate love and goodwill from your center.
To complete the practice, return to your senses. Come back to your body and be awake to the room and your surroundings.

The whole exercise should only take you about 10 minutes and Feild recommends trying it a few times a day. I find it’s a great companion to and substitute for meditation, with many of the same calming and revitalizing effects. As Field says, it will leave you with a “tremendous sense of wonder and gratitude.”

A 4-step guide to the prayer that’s “better than meditation”

May 24, 2018 By Tom Rapsas

It’s called centering prayer and it’s a method of prayer that comes out of an ancient Christian contemplative tradition. It dates all the way back to a 14th century text titled The Prayer of Unknowing. And for over 500 years, it fell out of favor with the Roman Catholic church, until it resurfaced thanks to one Father Thomas Keating.

In the 1970s, Keating (still alive and praying at age 95) saw that the church was losing vast amounts of young members to Eastern religions, drawn by the allure of meditation. He was aware that the church once had its own form of meditation known as centering prayer. So, with help from a few cohorts, he took it upon himself to promote centering prayer once again. He spread the word far and wide through lectures and books like Intimacy with God, An Introduction to Centering Prayer.

How does centering prayer, which is also known as contemplative prayer, work? Let me give you a guide that was created by Thomas Keating himself. Much like meditation, it’s recommended that you practice centering prayer for about 20 minutes a session, twice a day. And like meditation, a short session is better than no session.

The 4 Steps of Centering Prayer

Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God’s presence. Invite God within.
Sitting comfortably with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God’s presence.
When you become aware of thoughts, silently return ever so gently to the sacred word.
At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes.

Now as a practitioner of centering prayer myself, I want to let you in on a few additional pointers that come from both me and the writings of Keating:

While meditation has the mantra, centering prayer has “the sacred word”. I will admit I cheat a little and actually use three words: Rest in God. It’s a constant reminder of the action I want to take.
You don’t have to repeat the sacred word or phrase continuously, it’s merely a way to maintain your intention of faith and bypass the thinking process.
Let your thoughts go by “like boats on the surface of a river.” Pay no attention to them, “it’s like noise in the street or music in the supermarket.”

What makes centering prayer a better version of meditation?

According to Keating, the Eastern traditions put a great emphasis on what the self can do and as a result “contain the innate hazard of identifying the true self with God. The Christian tradition, on the other hand, recognizes God as present but distinct from the true self.”

In other words, centering prayer adds God to the equation. Keating points out that it can be easy to forget the presence of God. What centering prayer does is allow us to “sense God’s presence and eliminate the feeling that God is absent.” He believes this act “furthers our spiritual journey” as it makes us aware of the Divine indwelling at the core of our being. This Divine force is available to us anytime, anywhere, 24 hours a day.

Keating believes that when we practice centering prayer on a regular basis, “a different kind of knowledge rooted in love emerges, in which the awareness of God’s presence supplants the awareness of our own presence.” He sums up the effects of centering prayer this way:

(Centering prayer) is the opening of mind and heart—our whole being—to God beyond thoughts, words and emotions. We open our awareness to God, who we know by faith is within us, closer than breathing, closer than thinking—closer than consciousness itself.

The 10-Minute “Thinking Person’s” Meditation

November 25, 2017 By Tom Rapsas

Do you meditate? While I make a noble effort to meditate most days, I often go through periods where my chattering monkey mind makes it close to impossible. And quite frankly, there are other periods when I feel so calm and centered from my other morning activities (like running and spiritual reading) that I don’t feel the need to meditate.

So, it was with great interest I recently read about a unique approach to meditation that actually involves a little thinking over the course of the practice and only takes 10 minutes to complete. (It comes courtesy of Tony Robbins via the Tim Ferriss book Tools for Titans.)

Now most meditations are all about clearing the mind, or some might say going beyond the mind, to establish a sense of peace, contentment and even happiness. However, this meditation puts the mind to work in a constructive fashion and for me achieves the same goals.

Granted, this is not a typical practice, but it’s a great way to obtain the clarity and confidence you need to meet the day ahead. Please note that I’ve altered this meditation just a bit by adding some focus on the breath and expanding on some of the descriptions. Also, should your mind begin wandering, just come back to the task at hand.

The 10-Minute “Thinking Person’s” Meditation.

Minute 0-1. Focus on Your Breath.

This means paying attention to the air coming into your lungs on the inhale and out your nose on the exhale. Take deep, l-o-n-g breaths. It’s amazing how the simple act of paying attention to the breath has a way of quieting the mind.

Minutes 1-4. Give Thanks for Three Things.

Consider anyone and anything that brings happiness to your life. Having trouble coming up three things? Keep it simple. Be thankful for the sun streaming through the windows, the roof over your head, your good health. Then, repeat them again. It’s impossible to be angry when you’re expressing gratitude.

Minutes 4-7. Feel the Presence of God.

I lost at least one of my readers here (I’m talking to you Chuck), but the idea is to look within and sense the vast compassion and benevolence that emanates from your heart. For me, this is where I feel the presence of God. Again, focus on the breath and let this sense of goodness move outward from the heart to your arms, your legs, your mind.

Minutes 7-10. Visualize Three Things You Want to Happen That Day.

This is especially productive for the Type-A personalities out there. It is what it sounds like, looking at what the day ahead has in store and visualizing positive outcomes for three things you want to accomplish. In the words of Robbins, “See it as though it’s already been done, feel the emotions, etc.”

Not sure of the timing of each activity? Use your best judgement—or if you need to, use your phone or a watch. Again, this is not a standard meditation practice. But if you’re looking for a quick practice that mimics meditation’s calming, centering effects, it’s definitely worth a try.