6. Be the Golden Rule in Action
Within Wicca, I’d say there is one steadfast taboo: Thou Shalt Not Proselytize. We can’t even begin to change them, or their long-held religious beliefs. To even suggest that their religion is wrong for them, is a form of cultural violence. In my opinion, people who knock on my door and suggest to me that my relationship with Divinity is invalid or incorrect are being assholes, and I have no tolerance for assholery. (See my second rule of Witchcraft.) But we can show them what the Golden Rule is supposed to look like by offering them the peaceful coexistence that we all deserve. Be a shining example for them to see; make yourself available to them for counsel, should they seek it. But, honor their free-will to practice their religion as they see fit…at a healthy distance to your own, if necessary. Namaste Away.
7. Grow into Adult Relationships
When little children know they are doing something their parents have forbidden, they sneak around and try to hide it. They are eventually caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar, and it is comically clear that they were knowingly, willfully breaking the house rules. Pitiful lies, cover ups, and guilty posturing will not help them. Blubbering apology and appeals for merciful release from the consequences of their actions are pointless. They agreed to the rules, they broke the rules, now there are consequences. None of this behavior is honorable. This is a parent vs. dependent child model similar to the Abrahamic paradigm of judgmental Father God vs. a naughty child in need of a spanking, model.
But neo-paganism, and Witchcraft in specific, are supposed to be a parent in co-creative relationship with independent adult child paradigm. In the case of an adult choosing a Spiritual path separate from their parent’s paths, there now becomes a whole new set of rules. Human parents can offer advice as long as they live, but once their kids are out of the nest, they have no authority over their Spirits. With sovereignty and free-will, these human parents have no power to dictate the conscience of their descendants.
We pagans have to stop participating in that old system with our human parents, sneaking around, lying and acting like naughty, guilty children. If our spiritual work is honorable, then we must act accordingly without shame, or apology. Otherwise, their fears that we are doing something dishonorable might as well be true.
At some point, all of us have to both treat our human parents like respected equals, and insist that they do the same for us in return. Adults engage each other in meaningful conversation about the important things in life. They are free to disagree and argue with each other, too.
8. Choose your Words Carefully; Do your Research
As you broach the subject of your religious beliefs, discuss ideas at first, like “honoring the earth as sacred” and “celebrating the cycles of nature,” while omitting trigger words like “pagan” or “witch.” Before those words make their way into the conversation, I suggest keeping a copy of this book on hand:
When Someone You Love Is Wiccan: A Guide to Witchcraft and Paganism for Concerned Friends, Nervous Parents, and Curious Co-Workers by Carl McColman.
Or this one Paganism: An Introduction to Earth- Centered Religions
by River and Joyce Higginbotham.
Take the time to read it carefully, highlighting and making notations about what points you agree and disagree with in the margins. When the moment is right, give it to your loved one with a sincere request that they read it if they’d like to understand your point of view better, then let it go. Remember, that you are also obliged to give them the same courtesy should they offer you something similar in return. Then comes the hardest part of all: release all expectation on the outcome.
9. Get right with Jesus
Finally, I would offer this piece of advice from the other side of the trenches. Until you come to terms with the religion of your parents and childhood, you can’t fully evolve into your next big adventure. Those shadows will always be nipping at your heels. I’m sure you have wounds, attend to their healing. Release all that does not serve your highest good, including resentment towards the system or people that created them. You know what they say?
“Hatred is like poisoning yourself and waiting for your enemy to die?”
Get to know the Jesus mythology from an academic bible, like the Oxford Annotated Bible. Learn the history of how the Christian church began, and changed over time. Jesus is fabled to have been a healer, a seer, a walker between the worlds, clergy, wise one and a co-creator of reality on speaking terms with a Deity. He was a necromancer, raising folks from the dead. He spent long periods of time alone in nature, where he heard the voice of his god.
Jesus was a feisty revolutionary who respected women, challenged the status quo, and cracked a few heads when necessary. He was awakened to his inherent divinity and his message was that we were all “children of god” who should love our neighbors as we love ourselves. All the same things can be said for the Witches I know. Once you understand the stories of this mythological character in an objective way, common ground is not too hard to find, if you try.
10. “Be the Change you Wish to See in the World” ~Ghandi
It won’t be easy, but through my experience I’ve found it to be worth the effort. Be wise, show discernment and act with grace. Let your heart be your guide and you’ll know what to do.
Blessings,
~Heron
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