Article in Christianity Today: The Real Problem with Female Masturbation.

Ed Brayton blogged about this article that must be seen to be believed.  It starts out:

It’s refreshing to finally hear women talking about female masturbation. Given the social stigma around the topic, it can be difficult just to bring it up.

Yes, where could that stigma possibly come from?  Maybe…religious taboos?  Most atheists I know are just fine (and then some) with female masturbation.  Perhaps it’s articles in religious magazines with titles like “The Real Problem with Female Masturbation” that contribute to this stigma?  Just a guess.

The article does get one thing right though:

The doublespeak here—that women are supposed to be simultaneously sexually adventurous, available, and willing yet without possessing lust themselves—is an impossible contradiction to embody. It treats sex as a man’s playing field, reinforcing the notion that women should cater to men’s desires without possessing similar desires of their own.

Yes!  This is very true!  Which is why in a healthy sexual relationship both parties are having their physical needs met.

Sadly, the very next paragraph in the article is:

To fully address female masturbation, we don’t need more psychoanalysis about sex that implicitly negates female sexuality. We need a biblical approach that recognizes both the immense pleasure of the female orgasm and the inherent goodness of sexual desire while reserving its proper place for within marriage.

Say what?  So the immense pleasure of the female orgasm is good.  Check.  Sexual desire is inherently good.  Not sold, your amount of sexual desire is just what it is.  It’s neither good or bad.

But then its proper place is in marriage?  How much sense does that make?  Does it apply to anything else?  Is exercise great, but you should wait til you’re married to do it?

This article talks about how noble the pleasure of female orgasms are, but acts like the the purpose of female masturbation is to validate a marriage…not because of the pleasure.

It’s just not enough to say that women struggle because they “want to be wanted.” Wanting to be wanted wrecks your self-esteem, it makes you dress immodestly to attract attention, it makes you reach out to any man who will affirm even a smidgen of value about you. Masturbating because you “fantasize about being wanted” means that you find the act of being wanted sexually arousing.

What’s wrong with dressing immodestly to attract attention?  If you want to get laid that’s a great way to go about it.  I know plenty of women with spectacular self-esteem who enjoy being pursued.  Enjoying being wanted is not at all synonymous with low self esteem.  In fact, speaking from the perspective of a recovering anorexic, most of the people with the same affliction as I dress as immodestly as possible on account of our pathologically low self-image.

You don’t choose what arouses you just like you don’t choose what foods taste good to you.  It’s just part of who you are.  If you want to have the best orgasm possible (this is assuming the crazy theory that women masturbate for pleasure) then you should probably fantasize about what turns you on.  If that’s being wanted, which is a perfectly normal impulse, go nuts.

While there may be psychological issues that contribute to a woman feeling this way, it’s also human nature to want to be wanted. It’s normal for that desire to manifest in a desire for sex. The problem is that there is no good moral outlet for these natural desires before marriage, and our sex-laden society has done a wonderful job of causing most folks, men and women, to stir up and awaken love before it pleases.

There’s nothing immoral about making someone else happy.  And there’s definitely nothing immoral about making yourself happy.  If anything, the immorality belongs to those who wish to dampen or destroy other people’s happiness by attaching shame to it or outright forbidding it when it causes no tangible harm.  But when religion is the source of this obvious dick move, then it’s piety and love.

If someone is displaying their love by making me less happy, their love has become indistinguishable from my enemies’ hate.  Spare me that kind of love.

The article suggests a mneumonic for whenever you feel tempted to enjoy masturbation: ANTHEM.  You read for this?

A – Avoid tempting situations as much as possible.

Yes, otherwise fun might break out.

N – Say no to lustful thoughts in five seconds.

Unless you don’t feel like walking around frustrated and tense the rest of the day or if you just feel like feeling good for a bit, in which case “yes” would be more appropriate.

T – Turn the mind toward Christ as a superior satisfaction.

Thinking of Christ has never once gotten me to orgasm.  What’s more, I just tried thinking of Christ.  On a scale of 1 to 10, it was not more satisfying than masturbation.  In fact, I can think of a long list of things that bring me considerably more pleasure than thinking of a guy who watches me shower and masturbate.  That list includes playing video games, sleeping, and watching my laundry dry.

Of course, I’m a straight guy.  I’ll bet thinking of Jesus has brought a woman or two to “superior satisfaction” if you know what I mean…

H – Hold the promise and pleasure of Jesus in your mind to drive other thoughts out.

Yeah, where does all this shame around masturbation come from…wonders this article.  The battle between the promise and pleasure of Jesus vs the promise and pleasure of sexual fantasy is like the battle between Hercules and a box turtle.

E – Enjoy a superior satisfaction in Christ.

Ok, that’s the same as letter T.

M – Move into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable situations.

Something useful, like prayer.  It’s like masturbating except less fun.

For people who really want to cast off the shackles of sexual shame, I came up with my own mneumonic: FAITH.  It stands for “Feeling Aroused?  Invoke The Hand.”

While I’m certain the triggers for men are often different than for women, adapting this biblical method to fit the particular nature of women offers more promise than a psychological approach to masturbation. For example, most women find, when equipped with patience and a good method of fertility awareness, that their lust generally increases around the time of ovulation. This awareness can be a helpful reminder that time alone when you’re approaching peak fertility will be more tempting than at other times in your cycle.

Yeah, and rather than relieve that tension with the handy means god gave you (pun intended), just keep walking around stressed.  Maybe you’ll snap at someone you love?  Because that’s what the god who loves you wants you to do.

We’re told that Christianity makes people more wise.  I’m not sure how wise it can make anybody if there are this many believers still stumbling toward the conclusion that women masturbate because it feels nice.

Sometimes internet bots are funny: 

I wonder if there’s anyway I can troll/abuse the hell out of this…