Jesus Is My Plumber

Disgusting, that’s what it was. This morning, after watching the sink slowly fill up and realizing that the half-bottle of drain cleaner I put in over the weekend hadn’t been very effective, I decided to put on my plumber’s hat and tackle the problem at the source. I removed all the bottles of hair spray and other assorted products from under the sink, put down a tray to catch the water and, ahem, “whatever else” might drain and proceeded to… Read more

Inaugural Poem for Donald Trump

I was inspired to write this parody after reading a post published by The Independent. There is nothing quite like a strong, well-nigh singable rhythm to get the creative juices flowing. Enjoy! ***** Come out for the Dumbbell, ye scavenging crowd, That lyin’ malfeasant who’s boorish and loud! With horrible purpose he came from his tower To drum up from nothing some ill-gotten power. For the cry has gone up with a cheer from his crowd: “Come out for the Dumbbell,… Read more

When You’re Overwhelmed

I wasn’t planning on things getting worse. But then they did. I have been steadily caregiving for my elderly parents. Along with a variety of the other ailments that come with aging, like heart trouble, loss of appetite, and sadness that all her friends and most of her relatives are dead, my step-mother is 84 and has dementia. My 88-year-old father, who, for his age, is remarkably able and chipper, fell in the garage. I called the ambulance and they… Read more

What Does It Mean to be a Queen?

If you were a queen, what kind of queen would you be? A “good” queen? A bad one? Can you even imagine it? Perhaps you’ve come to think of queens as people that only show up in fantasy novels like those written by George R.R. Martin (bad queens?) or J.R.R. Tolkein (Galadriel, who is surely a good queen?), from long ago history (Anne Boleyn?), or fairy tales, or stodgy albeit well-dressed elderly ladies like England’s Queen Elizabeth II. Maybe, if… Read more

Highway Hemline

The cars flow down the freeway Like so many beetles abustling their busy way Along the dirty grey ribbon of a lady’s dress Her faded green finery Brocaded with bushes And ruffled with rough brick barriers The white running stitch of the painted lanes Drifting past into oblivion ***** Image Credit: Taj Expressway, Delhi, India by sarangib at Pixabay Read more

Prayer Before Meals

Who does that? Who plants a HYDRANGEA right next to an established bush? Clearly an idiot. What kind of groundskeeper does the Cathedral employ? A poor one, that’s for sure. These were the thoughts running through my mind as I entered the cool marble interior of the Mother Theodore Guerin Chapel and dipped my fingers in the glass holy water font. Making my way to an empty pew, I ranted on. And on. Being so distracted, it’s really no wonder… Read more

This Is How We Make Love

This is how we make love: Sitting beside each other on the sofa Reading poetry aloud Each syllable in our mouths Full of all the emotion hidden in the Black letters The white pages of our books Like sheets Between which our limbs entwine, And our mouths, Full of all the emotion hidden in our hearts. We take turns Giving each other pleasure The spoken words like caresses The rise and fall of our voices The pauses pregnant The feelings… Read more

How NOT to Have Sex with Your Boyfriend

Let’s just get one thing straight. Up until about two months ago, I was the least likely advocate for pre-marital chastity in maybe the entire Catholic blogosphere. Maybe in the entire world. I had a Catholic understanding of sexuality, but it didn’t matter, because I was, essentially, a hedonistic pagan who believed “all acts of love and pleasure are [God’s] rituals.1” I thought sexual purity was a quaint, outdated idea that belonged to the ages before birth control. It was… Read more

Enough Already

I always feel like I’m not trying hard enough. Right now, I’m sitting here at the mall, in the Barnes & Noble, and there’s a man who is accomplishing a lot of business on the phone behind me. There are people who are ordering drinks and taking their seats, computers at the ready. There are people looking at books and taking notes. They all seem to have a purpose and I don’t. They are busy. They look like they are… Read more

Spring

  Today is chilly and overcast and that feels like my life right now. Maybe that’s like your life, too. Trees are leafing, tulips blooming, baby birds are hatching. It’s supposed to be spring, but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s not winter, but it’s not spring. It’s… blergh. Every magazine cover hints at New Possibilities! Fresh Opportunities! But I feel stuck in the Miasma of Mediocrity. Not leafing, blooming, or hatching. But it’s coming. I know it. The whisper… Read more


Browse Our Archives