In Wake of #MeToo, a Tibetan Buddhist lama Offers a Teacher-Student “Sex Contract”

The post, which was taken down after circulating for around 24 hours, caused anger, sadness, and confusion as supporters discussed the immaturity and inappropriateness of the supposed joke. However, as a public posting it was archived and can be found elsewhere online.

Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, often addressed with the honorific “Rinpoche” and also known as Khyentse Norbu, is a well known Buddhist teacher, writer, and filmmaker from Bhutan. He caused ripples in the Tibetan Buddhist communities in August when he wrote a rambling 10,000 word-long letter both defending Sogyal Lakar’s abusive actions from within the Vajrayana context and questioning the very credentials that Lakar claimed to hold.

Tendencies to play victim

On Tuesday he posted a 16 page contract (linked below) with this introduction:

I thought this might come in handy for Rinpoches like myself who are not omniscient, not omnipotent, and not well trained; who don’t give enough preparatory training on the prerequisites to their students; and who get carried away by their own self-agendas and, from time to time, by their hormones.

MAKE LOVE NOT HEADLINES! SCREW WITHOUT GETTING SCREWED!

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Let one of our ironclad consent forms protect you from fears of future litigation. Our in-house psychologists are on call 24/7 to assess your potential partners for any unsuitable moral quirks and/or tendencies to play victim.

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One response to the contract read, “Do you realize you’re associating this with Buddhism and kids are viewing this with confusion. Not as a joke. If this stays up I’m done man.” (emphasis added) Another commenter elsewhere suggested that for abuse victims, seeing such a thing publicly posted by a Tibetan Buddhist teacher might set them back in their healing process.

Is there Consent?

Another wrote, “It is none of my business. After all they are having sex with adults who are capable to give their consent. There are some students who do anything to get some favors or privileges out of the Rinpoches. And if they don’t get what they want, they turn against their
Rinpoche.”

However, in a White Paper on Clergy Sexual Misconduct and Misuse of Power, Katherine Wiedman, Ph.D. and Leslie Hospodar of An Olive Branch write:

… Since clergy have a responsibility to set and maintain appropriate boundaries, those who are violated by clergy’s inappropriate sexual behavior are not to be blamed even if they initiated the contact.

The term ‘consenting adults’ also reflects a misunderstanding of sexual behavior between clergy and congregants. It is assumed that because two people are adults that there is consent. In reality, consent is far more complex. In order for two people to give authentic consent to sexual activity there must be equal power. Even if the congregant or student may initially be a willing participant in the faith leader’s misconduct. The fallacy is that he/she is a consenting participant because consent is not an option in a relationship where there is an imbalance of power.

A problem that has arisen, time and again, in conversations around this matter is that certain Zen and Tibetan teachers have convinced their students to give up their critical thinking faculties and to ignore their own sense of appropriate boundaries. Currently there are no checks on Buddhist teachers to prevent sexual and physical abuse. Given that Sogyal Lakar’s abuse goes back decades, with one student settling a 1994 $10 million lawsuit out of court, it is likely that other prominent Tibetan Buddhist teachers knew or had reason to know that he was an active sexual predator and abuser.