The Dreaded Jeans + The Inappropriate Comment of the Day!

I know I promised to write about fairy tales, and I’m going to. It’s just that the research for this particular post involves reading Tremendous Trifles, and I got so distracted by the research that I sort of forgot about the post.

G.K. Chesterton is hilarious.

Anyway, my parents are also in town for a surprise visit (hurrah!) so I probably won’t have time to get to the fairy-tale post until tomorrow night. But I thought I would let you know, in case you were under a different impression, that Jeggings are the worst. idea. ever.

What moron came up with this? I really do understand the concept. Skinny jeans, blousy tops and boots are kind of in right now (actually, are those things still in? Someone correct me if I’m wrong. I saw a lot of them at Old Navy so I just assumed.), so it makes sense that someone would say, “You know what? That button and zipper seem like an awful lot of work for someone to do first thing in the morning. Let’s just eliminate them altogether.” But what they’ve created in the place of the button and zipper resemble nothing so much as a medieval torture device.

I have to make a confession. I went to Old Navy yesterday because it was time. I don’t yet fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, but my maternity jeans are now falling off me, so I had to make that most dreaded of all purchases: the post-partum jeans. I love jeans and pretty much refuse to wear anything else, even though my waistline is getting to that size where I should really consider stretchy skirts and slacks. Nevertheless, I found a pair of (enormous) jeans that buttoned (!) and were comfortable (!!). Then…I did something really stupid. I turned my head.

And there, right next to my comfy jeans, were a rack of jeggings. I thought, Hmmmm…they have an elastic waistband. The tag says “stretchy”. I could wear them with giant sweaters and blouses and hide my post-partum stomach without looking frumpy and while still being comfortable. My thought process ended there, while it should have continued on to but compare the size of them with the size of those jeans you’re holding.

But no. I just grabbed them and grabbed a couple giant tops and took off, foolishly optimistic, in the direction of the dressing room.

As those of you who have seen or, God forbid, tried on these creations can imagine, after about ten minutes of huffing, puffing and pulling I managed to get the jeggings over my ample hips. And let me tell you, nothing tells you the truth like a fitting-room mirror. And this mirror said: Jeans, t-shirts and yoga pants are your best friends for the next few months until you shed this baby weight. Please don’t ever try this again. You’re hurting me. Love, the painfully honest, fluorescently-lit Old Navy mirror. 

So I came away with comfortably large jeans, one big button-up shirt, and two pairs of yoga pants. And all was well with the world.

Speaking of the world, I’m adding a new feature on my blog! This one is called “The Inappropriate Comment of the Day.” Sometimes, like today, it will be combined with a post; sometimes it will stand on it’s own. Sometimes names will be changed to protect those who say these things; sometimes they won’t. Sometimes they will have actually been said on that day, to me; sometimes they’ll be old comments or said to someone else. But one thing I can guarantee: they will always be massively, incredibly inappropriate.

We’ll start out with something that was said to us by a grocery store employee. Here’s how the exchange went.

Grocery store employee: Are you pregnant again?
Me: Yes I am!
Grocery store employee: (Gesturing toward the Ogre) Is he gonna get snipped now?

Inappropriate? Yes! Insulting? Absolutely! None of her business? Completely!

And that concludes today’s inappropriate comment.