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(Please ignore the man in the moustache. That’s our Christy on the right side of the picture and David on the left at our beloved Cherry Grove Beach).

“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”  Okay…but when will they truly be comforted?  The more closely you study the Beatitudes, the more you realize that Jesus is talking about eschatological consolation, not comfort here and now.  This becomes clear from the final clauses in some of the other Beatitudes—such as “for they shall inherit the earth,” or “for they shall see God.”  How does this help us with our grief here and now when we need COMFORT NOW?

I used to think that the Holy Spirit was rather like my granny’s big velvety blanket placed over us on a cold winter’s night.  Doesn’t the Bible say that Jesus would send another Comforter?  Actually, that turns out to be a rather bad translation.  What that text probably means is “I will send another Counselor/Advocate.”

The role of the Spirit is not in the main to make us feel snuggly, warm, or safe or bullet proof.  After all, it is the Spirit that keeps propelling us into mission, into battle as part of the Salvation Army.  Comfort is hard to come by here and now for those mourning a tragic loss, and Christians need to beware of offering glib clichés, or Scriptural McNuggets as a means of comfort.   Sometimes you need to go and mourn with those who mourn rather than serve up chicken soup for a wounded soul.

On the whole, I think part of the problem for 21st-century Christians is we have caught the disease of our culture — the disease of a strong, even overwhelming  sense of entitlement, not to be confused with great expectations.  The entitlement mentality says “I have a right to life.”  We even have a “right to life movement”  for the unborn, which is what I would call doing the job half way.  If you are going to go that route, the born have as much “right to life” as the unborn.   That’s in part why yours truly is a pacifist for Jesus sake.   I believe in being totally pro-life, not just pro unborn life.

Here, I must focus on a simple Biblical fact: Life is a gift from God.  It’s not a right.  It never was a right, and never will be a right.  It is a gift.

Once you let that really sink in and saturate your theo—logic, then what follows is that we are not OWED more of it.  We are not OWED a certain quantity of time or of life in this world.  It simply isn’t true.  And that leads to a further truth: it is not an injustice when someone dies young.  It’s not a justice issue at all, since life is a gift, not some sort of ironclad right.  God does not owe us a certain quotient of life.  Indeed, he does not owe us life or birth at all.  It’s a gift!

So, when I think about my sweet-pea Christy dying way before me, I must resist the temptation to think somehow THIS IS UNFAIR.   No.  It’s tragic, to be sure.  It’s sad, shocking and horrible in many ways.  But it’s not an injustice.  If all of life is grace, then we have to think differently about this issue.

A wise person once said that justice is when you get what you deserve, mercy is when you don’t get what you deserve (in a negative sense), and grace is when you get undeserved blessing.  Life falls into that third category, not the first or second ones.  Jesus came that we might have life and have it abundantly, but its not because we DESERVE TO LIVE OR GO ON LIVING, it’s not because it’s owed to us.   It’s a gracious blessing.

And here’s the good news.  God wants us to have it — and have it everlastingly.  In the next post, I want to focus on the mystery of life and death.  But in the meantime, have a look at the joy those three are having in the picture above.  This is what God had in mind — life with joy abundant, not life with horrible pointless non-martyrological suffering and then death.  To quote Jesus himself: Our God is a God of the Living, not a God of the Dead.  Even the dead in Christ are still living!

  • Matt Viney

    A sobering and helpful post. Thank you.

  • Marie Allen

    The other explanation I’ve heard about the Beatitudes is that they refer both to life within the body of Christ now, and in the eschatological kingdom in the future; another example of the “already and not yet” idea of the Kingdom of God. In this sense, anyone with such a tragic loss should expect to come for comfort to his/her church fellowship now, even though that comfort will be only partial compared to what God has for us in the future, and perhaps limited by the clumsiness of some church members’ attempts at saying the right thing. The Holy Spirit called several of us in our church to establish a grief support group last year, which was clearly infused with the Spirit’s comfort and did pour some healing balm over deep and tragic hurts. It wasn’t our perfectly-chosen words or deeds, however; it was something the Spirit did, that we only partially understood even while participating in it.

  • Marie Allen

    The other explanation I’ve heard about the Beatitudes is that they refer both to life within the body of Christ now, and in the eschatological kingdom in the future; another example of the “already and not yet” idea of the Kingdom of God. In this sense, anyone with such a tragic loss should expect to come for comfort to his/her church fellowship now, even though that comfort will be only partial compared to what God has for us in the future, and perhaps limited by the clumsiness of some church members’ attempts at saying the right thing. The Holy Spirit called several of us in our church to establish a grief support group last year, which was clearly infused with the Spirit’s comfort and did pour some healing balm over deep and tragic hurts. It wasn’t our perfectly-chosen words or deeds, however; it was something the Spirit did, that we only partially understood even while participating in it.

  • Myron

    your posts are helping many people as they also ponder the death of a child, a miscarriage, some unforeseen suffering, and even life when it seems everything goes against you. thank you for opening our eyes through your open eyes.

  • Winky

    I am sorry about your daughter’s death. I can’t imagine losing my son like that and the hurt and sadness you and your family are feeling.

    I’m also deeply grateful for your intimacy right now. To pour out your heart as you have in these posts is a gift – and a connection – that seems so right and good.

    Thank you.

  • Earthymom2150

    Thank you. These articles bring much “comfort” to me — in both senses of the the translation: “comfort” and “counsel”. Grief is so hard to bear. Your sharing and caring means a lot.

  • Earthymom2150

    Thank you. These articles bring much “comfort” to me — in both senses of the the translation: “comfort” and “counsel”. Grief is so hard to bear. Your sharing and caring means a lot.

  • Shana

    Your gentle honest wisdom moves me to tears. You are so brave. I know you have such pain as even I do as I read what you have written. Thank you for sharing from your heart. Through your grief you and Christy will touch so many people for Jesus. My hearts breaks for you and yet cheers for you at the same time for your maturity and spiritual insights.

    Praying for you, Ann and David….

    Shana, Lenny, Shalen Morell and LenPaul Stadler

  • Shana

    Your gentle honest wisdom moves me to tears. You are so brave. I know you have such pain as even I do as I read what you have written. Thank you for sharing from your heart. Through your grief you and Christy will touch so many people for Jesus. My hearts breaks for you and yet cheers for you at the same time for your maturity and spiritual insights.

    Praying for you, Ann and David….

    Shana, Lenny, Shalen Morell and LenPaul Stadler

  • Shana Morell-Stadler

    I know you have heard this but it ministers to me when my father died my nephew wrote it (although it didn’t originate with him) and now my husband is very ill with stage IV colon cancer. Think of dying like a ship that sails out into the ocean. We are on the shore and we watch it leave and sail away. We can still see it for a long time. Then, at one point it becomes so distant we can no longer see it with our eyes but it is still there only on the other side. So while we say – there she goes – someone else on the other side has the pleasure of the welcome and says – there she is!

  • Shana Morell-Stadler

    I know you have heard this but it ministers to me when my father died my nephew wrote it (although it didn’t originate with him) and now my husband is very ill with stage IV colon cancer. Think of dying like a ship that sails out into the ocean. We are on the shore and we watch it leave and sail away. We can still see it for a long time. Then, at one point it becomes so distant we can no longer see it with our eyes but it is still there only on the other side. So while we say – there she goes – someone else on the other side has the pleasure of the welcome and says – there she is!

  • http://www.christineascheller.com/ cas

    Dr. Witherington, What a beautiful picture of joy and love. I know you will cherish it.

    I couldn’t agree with you more that life is a gift of grace and that as American Christians, we must battle a sense of entitlement in regards to it.

    I learned to accept mortality early, as my father dropped dead of a heart attack when I was 11 and he was 41. His death caused me not to take life for granted and to cherish every day I have with those I love. My son who died had many life-threatening asthma attacks in his 23 years, so on some level my family and I were prepared the fact that we could lose him (I use that verb in the subjective sense).

    I was not prepared, however, for how we lost him. Mine was an unplanned pregnancy at 19, and I “chose life,” so for him to “choose” death felt like an especially cruel blow. Now, I don’t believe his suicide was a rational choice, but that’s another conversation.

    Jesus himself, facing death, asked God why he had been forsaken. He surrendered himself despite the apparent sense of having been betrayed by the Father, and yet commited his spirit into the Father’s hands. He shows me it is possible to live this paradox: acknowledging that underneath it all, I FEEL betrayed by God, even though I know ontologically that I am not. As they say in 12 step programs, acknowledging that we have problem is the first step in healing. I know I have a subjective problem that I also know may take a lifetime to resolve.

  • Diana Trautwein

    I am deeply grateful to have found this series, Professor Witherington. Thank you for your thoughtful, honest, heartfelt words. I am sharing links to these with our local grief group, which meets for 8 weeks every fall, a great gift to our larger community here in Santa Barbara CA. Your words are so very helpful.

  • Michael

    This series ranks among your most annointed writings. Thank you. Death and grief really does allow us, as Nouwen suggested, to move from opaqueness to transparency.

  • Michael

    * do allow us…

  • Michael

    * do allow us…

  • Cindy

    I read your name on Lenny Stadler’s CaringBridge site and was moved by the poem “The Bridge of Faith.” Did you write it? I searched your name on Google, found your website and this blog; I’m so glad I did! Your writing is amazing, totally from the heart, and way beyond trite Christian one-liners. Thank you! I know God will meet you where you are, sustain you and your family, and grant you grace for the days and years ahead. Many blessings ….

  • Benw333

    Hi Cindy: Yes indeed, I wrote the poem. Blessings on your farm living, Ben

  • FrKevin

    Your best post yet. God bless.

  • FrKevin

    Your best post yet. God bless.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=518297246 Rachel Koopmans

    Hi Dr Witherington,
    More insightful and heartfelt words…thank you so much. When our baby son died, the things that came out of Christian mouths…goodness there were a few occasions when I had to steer my husband quickly from the room before he caused a ruckus. I remember the shocking and tremendous pain that was just as much physical as emotional – there were days where I hurt so bad that I was genuinely surprised when another breath came. And the tears…I think I cried until there were no tears left. The best comfort came from the most surprising sources – my oldest child’s teacher (a very stiff upper lip kind of fellow) called us at home, revealed that he too was a parent with a child in heaven, and said to me, “I’m going to tell you the truth: you will never get over it, but you WILL get through it.” Those words meant more to me than I can express, and I share them with you now. God’s comfort to you and yours as you grieve xxx

  • Jay Hutchens

    When I make similar observations about 21st century Christianity, I add the qualifiers… “21st century NORTH AMERICAN Christianity.” I have found that missional xty other countries don’t alway fall under the influence of our insipid consumerism.

  • Anonymous

    Amen!

  • Donna J. Young

    Dr Witherington,
    Others have shared comments that I just want to say, “Amen!” to.
    I also want to thank you for the clarity with which you write. I too
    lost an adult daughter a few years ago, and I understand your pain.
    That grief has just been renewed by the loss of my husband last May.
    Every day I tell myself the same quote you began with from Romans 8:28
    “God works all things together for good for those who love him….”
    May abundant joy soon find its way back into your life and the lives
    of your family. With thanks and love, a former student, Donna Young

  • Eldrikl25

    As someone who has experienced many losses and grieved deeply – including the loss of my unborn baby boy, your courageous words in the midst of your own agony bring me great solace.

    Thank you, and I’m praying for you and your wife and family.

  • Michael Thomson

    Thanking God for the gift of Ben Witherington…opening his heart even as it is full of tears. Grace!

  • Talty8412

    I read through this and I wasn’t much satisfied. Wouldn’t it follow then that when a child is still birthed, or even aborted, then they are just not blessed by God? Wouldn’t it follow then that no one deserved life, so there is no injustice for those that don’t get it? I have thought through the idea of babies and the abortion issue a bit in the last few months and it just is one of those paradoxical ideas I don’t feel can be resolved. Death does not mean we are not blessed. The blessing is that Jesus conquered death and that death is not final. But perhaps it isn’t for those that are not counted, like the ones that never truly started living. I just can’t see how someone with your degree of education could say that life being lived is a blessing and that when someone dies it isn’t injustice. It seems that there is much injustice and lack of blessing to those that never started to live and that is discounted by this article. Life with joy abundant is life without injustice.

  • Benw333

    Hi Taity: When a child is aborted there is indeed an injustice done by a human being to that child which is of sacred worth. This has nothing at all to do with whether or not life is inherently a gift or not. Of course it is. You seem to be muddling together two different issues. God however owes none of us life or more life, but he loves to create it and give it. As for a still born child this is a result of the Fall on our human bodies, and again has nothing to do with a justice issue.

  • Talty8412

    So God chose for the baby to not get the gift of life? Or does god allow people to take his gift away? Does god ordain the ones that get the blessing of life? and if not then by your standard no one ought to cry out for the life that was taken, especially that of an infant because its not like they deserved the life they didn’t get. You said “THIS IS UNFAIR. No. It’s tragic, to be sure. It’s sad, shocking and horrible in many ways. But it’s not an injustice. If all of life is grace, then we have to think differently about this issue.” so in the same way we have to think differently about abortions and those that lives are ended very, very shortly, like in the 3rd month of life.

  • Benw333

    Again you have confused twoi different issues. Abortion is a human action of murdering asnother person. Noit God’s action. This has nothing to do with the inherent valuer of thast life in God’s eyes.

  • Talty8412

    Yes, but when life is taken too early you say “it is not an injustice when someone dies young. It’s not a justice issue at all, since life is a gift, not some sort of ironclad right.” Unless you are now changing your first claim, to add in “Unless it is taken by another person, then it is injustice.” I don’t really see how one can differentiate between how God allowed someone to exit life; whether shortly after conception, or in one’s eightieth year; whether through natural causes, accident, or through murder. It either pains god to see someone die, or it doesn’t. It’s either always a gift and never unjustified, or a right and always unjustly ended. I understand that this is your own experience with working through grief, but I just don’t see it being very well thought through for someone with your experience and education. Sorry if that bothers you, but It just want to hear a response to how life ending cannot be an injustice in one instance and then an injustice in another instance. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Corbett/149700866 Aaron Corbett

    Hey, if you haven’t read the other comments on this string, they all go something like this:
    I’m sorry for your loss, Dr. Witherington. I’m praying for you.
    You are the only person here arguing with the man. Have some decency and save it for later. Stooge.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Corbett/149700866 Aaron Corbett

    I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m praying for your family.

  • Benw333

    Taity you are assuming we are entitled to a certain length of life. We are not. Life is a gift, so the language of ‘too early’ is not appropriate. How would you know it was too early anyway? Only God knows such things omnisciently.

  • Talty8412

    Then abortions are not an injustice, cause it’s not a justice issue at all.

  • Talty8412

    No, being sad or greiving doesn’t give someone the right to say stuff that has contradictions and may be incorrect. If he is really trying to help everyone else out, maybe he should be willing to take his thoughts out to the furthest extent, covering the issues that may come up with what he is saying, being open to question of the nature of what he is saying. And if the grief or sadness is getting in the way of this, he just shouldn’t be writing.

  • Benw333

    Abortions, caused by human beings, only become a justice issue if the law prohibits them of course! It doesn’t have to do with whether the unborn child has a ‘right’ to life under human law, unless the law says so. And if you bother to read the Bible, the Bible says nothing about the unborn having a legal right to life. The issue in the Bible is the sacredness of life, including the life of the unborn. That is not a forensic issue– kapish???

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Corbett/149700866 Aaron Corbett

    And just who, Talty8412, came down from on high and said “GO AND DISABUSE THE GRIEVING OF THEIR FAULTY LINES OF THOUGHT!” ? I find an analogue for you in the friends of Job. You’re being an ass. Stop it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Corbett/149700866 Aaron Corbett

    Besides, you are confusing two issues as DocW said. When a human shortens another human’s life, that is injustice. When stuff just happens, when God takes one of us home, it is not. God cannot be unjust. And you, and me, as infinitesimal specks cannot and should not judge him. Stop it.

  • Talty8412

    Ok, now I am starting to see your line of reasoning, that murder (or law breaking) is an injustice. But, certainly murder of any kind (whether it be abortion or a man shooting another man) is an injustice that that God allows. Now you are saying it isn’t our place to call God out on these things, for life is a grace, an undeserved gift.

    God is either allowing injustice, or being selective with his blessings. If God is allowing injustice then he is unjust; if God is being selective with his blessings then he is disproportionate. SO, God is either unjust, or disproportionate.

  • Talty8412

    Well, I don’t believe anyone has to come down and tell me to correct someone for not thinking clearly. It just seems obvious that if one post publicly, they should expect criticism. Im not attacking him personally, I have never once said anything negative towards his grieving or said that he is entirely wrong for wanting to attempt to rationalize the grieving process. Im just saying he has brought up a great point, that if followed through, seems to cause God to either be unjust or disproportionate (see above discussion). I do mourn with him in the loss of his daughter, but am also very troubled with what he is saying. To tell someone that life isn’t deserved often discounts tragedy. I have heard many christians shrug off death simply because of ideas like this that never seem to fully sprout, or consider ideas that may just be wrong, And as far as I can tell, doing this sort of reasoning, does more harm than good. If you want to call me an ass for trying to make a rational line of thought from his prose, then so be it. But I will not stop it, unless he asks me to, and I do not expect someone like Dr. W to just ignore the problems with his own line of thought, lest he succumb to a prideful dogmatism. I do appreciate your concern Mr. Corbett, Thank you.

  • Benw333

    Maybe now we are getting somewhere Taity. Let’s just take the illogical statement if God allows injustice, God is unjust. This would indeed only follow if in fact God caused everything, including every injustice. But God doesn’t do that. God also allows love, and mercy, and all sorts of good things. Shall we then attribute all that to God as well? No. Because the universe is not made up of a single actor— God. It is made up of many actors, and that is the way God set up the universe— there are beings other than God who have the power of contrary choice because God has not predetermined all things. I agree there is some mystery to why God chooses to intervene in some cases and not in others when it comes to healing, rescue etc. but if the primary cause of the human dilemma is human behavior going back to the beginning, and ‘all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory’ then selective intervention is hardly a just matter. If God were going to be purely and simply just, none deserve salvation or rescue or help—- none. It’s not about merit or rights, its about grace and mercy!!

  • Talty8412

    Ok, So now we are left with the fact that God’s mercy and grace are disproportionate to his allowance of injustice. I think we are left with only three possible solutions to this: 1. this is not true. 2. this is true but isn’t our place to question God’s disproportionality or 3. this is true and we ought to wonder why it is God isn’t more merciful and giving, and less allowing of injustice. I think rationally we have to except 3 if we are free beings capable of choice and God actually does allow injustice. So now I ask why would God not allow more grace, is it that he can’t, or that he won’t? and if he won’t, why would we choose to serve this god that holds back mercy on finite people who cannot see the full picture at the time they live and often make decisions based on this poor vantage point?