My kids are in to Harry Potter, and I told them that I relate a lot to the Weasleys, the large family with lots of hand me downs and a crazy but affectionate
mom. They told me that there are two differences between us and the Weasleys. One, we are not poor. Two, our house is not upside down. They didn’t say anything about the crazy.
The seven year old girl down the street cocks her hip out, extends her opposing leg, tilts her head, and plays with her fingernails as she and my daughter chat. Where in the world did she learn this MOST unbecoming teenage girl posture that communicates “I don’t respect myself, and I don’t give a d*** about you”?
My malleable six year old has definitely noticed, and I can tell she is contemplating whether she is drawn to that sass posture or whether she disapproves. So I am doing what any good mother would do and brainwashing her before she has time to decide for herself.
Over the last year, we have chosen one area of manners or behavior to focus on every season. The key is making it fun and putting it in proper context. Manners failures are not sins; we observe manners in order to show respect for the dignity of others and for ourselves.
My husband and I enjoy ourselves immensely when we are demonstrating for the kids what to do and what not to do, and the kids are in stitches. Watching adults exhibit poor manners is hilarious and makes a real impression. Once we have given demos and done some practice scenarios, all we have to do is gently remind them when a manners situation is imminent.
Over the summer, we focused on how to communicate with adults–stopping when addressed, standing still, speaking when spoken to, making eye contact, using Mr./Mrs. Last Name. This is the bare minimum, even for introverted children.
We then moved into a September refresher class on table manners, to prepare ourselves for several big events in October.
We are now onto body language, especially proper standing and sitting postures. I am having to treat the sassy girl posture delicately, to discuss what it communicates and to practice standing with legs together, back straight, arms by your side or gesturing. Standing upright communicates confidence, engagement, and respect. Another big area for us right now is sitting posture for girls, that is, sitting with legs together and backs straight–my girls wear skirts and dresses often, but even with pants, their legs should be relaxed but together. Way way too many girls and ladies sit spread-eagle these days. Is that supposed to be empowering? Fortunately our school reinforces what we are learning, especially with boys’ posture. When the middle school grammar teacher catches a boy slouching around with his hands in his pockets, she sews his pockets closed, and that nips it in the bud. My children think this is a riot and totally edgy.
Very few tenets of traditional etiquette are arbitrary, even down to the small details that only Emily Post had memorized–those details smooth social interactions and honor our own dignity and the dignity of others. The Southerner in me grieves the loss of some lovely norms of etiquette that are just too old-fashioned to survive. But at minimum, my husband and I want to exemplify basic norms of manners and etiquette, so that they come naturally to our children. I hope my girls will sit and stand with refinement, my boys will hold doors and protect ladies, my children will greet adults properly, we’ll write thank you notes before we play… and we’ll continue laughing through our family manners sessions one season at a time.
I am reposting this so that anyone who is interested can be prepared. I know that it is super dorky, but Candy Math has become a big part of our halloween tradition, and we really do visit lots of concepts which then help the children with math throughout the year. Even with very young children, you can do a lot of math with one pack of m&ms!
Halloween Candy Graphing | Building Cathedrals.
So, this is sort of a post about running, but also a post about life. Now that I am running a lot, you all may have to be listening to a lot of drawn out analogies on how running is teaching me about life. I run really slowly, so in the course of 10 miles I have way too much time to think!
I am training for half marathon, which is coming up in just a few weeks. Last Saturday morning I ran 10 miles. This is, frankly, an amazing number of miles. I did not like to run when I started training, and that was just about six weeks ago, but now I love it.
When I started, I could run an easy three miles, but I did not like it and I did not do it often. I decided to do this race, and my husband printed out a training plan from the internet. In the past, I have been pessimistic about these sorts of things, thinking that there was no way that I could get up to that sort of mileage, but this time around I just decided, and it was a decision, not a feeling, to trust the plan. I do what the plan says, without thinking about it, and as long as I do so I trust that come Saturday I will be able to do whatever crazy long run is scheduled for me. The first long run was 4 miles, which seemed difficult at the time, but I have been able to add a mile or two each weekend. I am confident that if I continue to trust the plan I will be able to complete the 13.1 on November 20.
One of the reasons that it is often hard for me to trust a plan is that I think that my circumstances are unique, so the plan doesn’t really apply to me. This is just an excuse to try to take control and create my own plan, which is sometimes better but not always. In this case, I don’t know much about running, and I don’t have time to do a ton of research about the best plan. There may be better plans out there, but this is the plan that I am using.
Trusting the plan, and being optimistic about success, has completely changed my relationship with running. I am like an automaton, I just go out and run what I am supposed to run. I get to enjoy the scenery, and the run, because I am not the one doing the planning, and I am not thinking hard about any run beyond the one that I am doing right then. I am not thinking “this three mile run is stupid, because how is running three miles today going to get me ready to run 11 this weekend?” I don’t know, I don’t really need to know, I just do it, and so far I have been able to make all of my long runs pretty well. Then, when I set out on my long run, I just say “I know that this will be hard at the beginning and the end, but I also know that I can do it.”
I can apply this to many other areas of my life, areas where I would do better to trust a simple plan. With big things, I need to trust that God has a plan and just do what I have to do each day. With little things, that can seem insurmountable, it helps to have a plan. A meal plan on a white board, for example, means that I don’t have to think too hard about what is for dinner and frees up some mental space. A plan for laundry is crucial to my mental health — all of the laundry is never done in our house, but if I can go to bed knowing that I did what I was supposed to do today, now, whether it is one load or sheets or whatever, I can have peace. I don’t do laundry on the weekends, and every Monday I am stressed about a pile of laundry that will never get under control. But I do two or three loads a day, and every thursday I am caught up. Every Friday I try to make sure that the kids have put away all the clean laundry that is hanging around the laundry room. Lather, rinse, repeat. Laundry does not have to be a crisis, I just have to remind myself to trust the plan. We homeschool a little bit everyday, most days, and by June my kids have always done a full year of school. Every time, I don’t know why, I freak out along the way and then I am surprised that the plan actually worked!
It is worth reflection. Are there areas in your life where you could use more trust, or where you need a plan? Who can help you create that plan? Without totally giving up your freedom or your wisdom, can you accept a plan that someone else made?
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