On the Other Hand: Christianity and Dual-Master Bedrooms

I was struck by several articles (here, here, and here) discussing a surprising phenomenon… the rise of the “dual-master” bedroom.

Apparently, large numbers  of new homes, especially custom homes, are being built with separate bedrooms for husband and wife.  I encourage you to read the articles, because they draw out the many complexities of this issue.

On one hand, I can imagine Christians condemning this architectural trend without reflection.  After all, it seems right in line with the increasing individualism and isolation of our culture, things we tend to view with dismay.  It can seem like a threat to the “one flesh” ideal of marriage.  And when we hear about a couple sleeping in different rooms, we immediately assume there’s either a short-term fight or a long-term problem going on.

Pastorally, I do have some of these concerns.  Being together at night brings a level of accountability that many (most often men) tend to need.  And abandoning classic structures and rituals can have the dangerous impact of allowing people to drift away from interest in their relationships more easily than they might have.

But on the other hand, it is our responsibility as Christians to take challenges like these carefully and seriously, and to respond with Scripture rather than with stigma.  And try as I might, I cannot immediately see a reason to say, “no,” to couples sleeping in different rooms if they hold to all the Scriptural directives on marriage.  This is especially true for those who find that it brings more zest and less stress in marriage.  In fact, at other points in history this was quite a common practice, and it is interesting that we will often look to those periods for guidance in other areas but not in this one.

I suppose my greatest hope, while watching trends like these in our culture, is that church leaders would be forced to think carefully about how they care for, counsel, and encourage the marriages in their congregations.  New times and changing mores present dozens of unique challenges to assumptions we never thought would be assailed, and it is important that we practice careful thoughtfulness about each issue.  If we don’t, we’ll be forced to make blanket ethical statements without strong Scriptural backing… an approach that tends to alienate people from the church rather than drawing them in.