What Are The Important Things In A Relationship?

What are some really important things to consider in relationships?

Transparency

If we can’t be transparent or honest with our spouses or our best friends, who can we be (besides God)? James wrote, “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16a). James says at least two things here; confess your sins to one another. He does not say confess your sins to “everyone.” Secondly, we are to pray for one another. This can bring healing…either physical or emotional, and certainly relationally. I think James’ point is prayer and confession can bring healing. There is something refreshing about sharing your struggles and exposing your faults to a close friend or spouse. With them, it feels like a “safe zone” where you can just talk about anything and everything, and not fear being judged by it.

Honesty

Nothing hurts like being lied to. If you don’t have someone’s trust, you don’t have much of anything in a relationship. It’s nothing more than a plutonic relationship if there is no trust. If it becomes a relationship where a husband and a wife continually lie to one another, and so often that it’s hard to tell when they’re telling the truth, then that relationship is in trouble. It’s hard to trust them with the finances, with the children, with other responsibilities, or just about anything. It is so much easier to lose trust than it is to gain it back. The dangers of lying to a friend or a spouse are just not worth the risk.

Accountability

As the Body of Christ, the church, we are all accountable to one another. Certainly the church treasurer is accountable to the church, the preacher is accountable to the congregation, and the church is accountable for how they treat one another. When Christ returns, will He see a bride that has self-inflicted wounds from other members judging them over non-essentials and wounding them with words that hurt? God will hold each one of us accountable in our relationships in life and we won’t be able to drag our parents or anyone else we might want to blame for our behavior. We shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ and have to give an account to Him (Rom 14:10). Thankfully, Jesus’ righteousness is accounted to us (2nd Cor 5:21) but that makes us accountable to Him. Ultimately, you’re accountable to God but God will hold you accountable for how you responded to others in your relationships with them.

Can’t Change Them

I remember a young couple that had marital difficulties right from the start, even they had gone through premarital counseling. What had happened was the woman married a man who had a drinking problem but he had promised, “Once we get married, I’m done.” He never came through on that promise. Their marriage has been on the rocks ever since. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding that she could change him once they were married, but rarely does permanent change come from outside influences. Change that comes from within the person is more likely to succeed in whatever they are endeavoring to accomplish and only that may bring permanent change, for the better you would think. In a person’s effort to change someone, all they end up doing is make them dig in their heels even deeper. It also brings about the possibility of a backlash which results in open hostility and a defiant resistance to any change.

Forgiveness

One pastor who had retired from the pastorate gave an account of an experience with a young couple in the airport. The older couple had been married for many years but the newlyweds had been married that very day. They noticed the older couple sitting together, holding hands, so the newlywed bride ask the older couple, “How long have you been married?” They said over 54 years, so the woman asked, “What’s the secret to staying married for so long” and the retired pastor thought and pondered the question for a moment but his wife knew the answer already. She said the key to a long and successful marriage is “forgiveness.” Of course, she’s right. The word “for” is used as a function to indicate the purpose of giving so forgiving is giving something; your forgiveness or you are saying, “I release this…it’s over. We don’t trip over what’s behind us.” So forgiveness is the function of giving…in this case, forgiveness. Letting go, releasing it and, like saying, “Drop the gavel. Case dismissed.”

Love

Love is the common thread of any relationship, including a spouse, children, parents, friends, and really, anyone and everyone. Jesus said that our love shows that we are or are not His disciples as recorded in the Gospel of John, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). The fact that Jesus mentioned “all people” is significant because it doesn’t refer only to those in the church but everyone, is all people. Those inside and outside of the church will know a disciple of Christ when they see them love like Christ. When they recognize that love, they can recognize Christ, however a red flag comes up when someone “says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen” (1st John 4:20).

Conclusion

We were created for relationships and God knew it was not good for us to be alone (Gen 2:18) and it doesn’t feel good to be alone, so I agree with God. Life is a lot about relationships because no man really is an island. No man really lives to himself (Rom 14:7). We all have an effect on those around us and those around us have an effect on us; either for good or for bad. We are an interdependent society and we need one another. That’s why relationships are so vital to our wellbeing and the wellbeing of others.

Article by Jack Wellman

Jack Wellman is Pastor of the Mulvane Brethren Church in Mulvane Kansas. Jack is also the Senior Writer at What Christians Want To Know whose mission is to equip, encourage, and energize Christians and to address questions about the believer’s daily walk with God and the Bible. You can follow Jack on Google Plus or check out his book Teaching Children the Gospel available on Amazon.