The Eerie Efficiency of Disney

This picture, capping day three of theme park bliss, pretty much says it all.

Almost, anyway.

What you can just barely see on Zoe’s chin is the beginning of a three-inch scrape that travels from there and up along her left jawline. When Zoe gets tired, she gets hyper. she also gets clumsy, which makes for a potentially rough combination.

Especially when faces meet concrete benches.

It was both reassuring and a little creepy how quickly two Disney staff members descended on us like secret service agents after her fall from the bench where she was being Superman/woman. In less than thirty seconds, they were hovering over her. In another minute, they had an ice pack for her owie, and two minutes later, she had a complimentary Mickey Mouse doll to help her feel better.

The bleeding slowed, her smile returned and all was well.

Small wonder we wander through the rest of life expecting all our discomforts to be so swiftly and comprehensively addressed. And is it any surprise we look for such quick fixes from church and/or God?

Personally, I fall more in the camp of Pete Rollins, who claims that God doesn’t actually want us to be happy. It’s when we buy the illusion that a life of faith equals a life of comfortable happiness that we both convert Christianity into the latest product and also set ourselves up for misery (see Mattias’ sprinkle debacle in my last post).

As for last night, all ended fairly well, with kids passed out, Mickeys in a firm embrace, and boo-boos healing. In all, a pretty good day in fantasy land.

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

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  • John Wolforth

    Great story. Everybody always looks so happy in the pictures from Disney. I like to make up stories about what happens right after the shutter clicks and big brother grabs little sisters new toy and Mom looks at Dad with that “it’s your turn” look.