Church Sign Epic Fails, “Fill Your Cracks” Edition

Pentecost is my favorite religious holiday, because all the good boys and girls get a visit from the Great Pentecost Lizard, who leaves magic droppings under their pillow. Ahh, memories…

The thing is, once you get him in there, there’s no getting him out. Kinda like thong underwear.

It may not look like much, but they’re still rebuilding from all the flaming heads last year. Man, Pentecost is DANGEROUS! Oh, and the tamales will make the other end burn too. consider yourself warned.

As long as you put little red Xs through the wrong ones, it’s cool. You’re still totally legit.

Lest you mistake this for some veiled reference about church accountability, check that. We just want money.

As has been proven, time and again, by the fact that only unmarried ministers fall victim to sins of the genitalia.

So…sin is a fish? I thought it was a serpent. Or some bad guy with wings and a pointy thing and…oh, forget it. Once again, Alfred Almond overshoots his audience.

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

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  • Ethan Longhenry

    Re: sign #3. The person behind that sign is arguing against dispensational premillenniallism and Camping and his theology, hence showing the dates Camping advertised and how they did not come to pass.

  • JarredH

    I’m thinking that the first one is another fine example of why church’s need to run their signs by non-church people. My mind took the saying in an even worse direction than the one you suggested in your comment.

    • Michael Mock

      My mind went there, too.

  • Brian P.

    Is there any good way to make the Sacred campy?