Church Sign Epic Fails, “Get Behind Me Satin” Edition

I once came up with a spell-check app for church signs, but after a while, it just melted from exhaustion (sihg)…

Yes, Satin. You smooth, silky, evil temptress. Damn you and your softness. Damn you!!!

Especially a new church sign guy. This one has taken one too many baseballs to the head.

And this, folks, is why China is kicking our ass.

…and when we find him we’re gonna hog tie him, barbecue him and serve him with potato salad.

could you ask him to do something about the hand painted sign? Maybe? No?

Is it with a “PH” or an “F?” oh hell, just to be safe, put both.

so let me see if I get this right…non-Christians are thinner than Christians? Sounds about right.


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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

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  • Mira8

    “love is spelled TIME” is actually a pretty good message. It’s called metaphor – Google that shit!

    • The_L1985

      Congratulations for showing everyone that you don’t get the joke.