Church Sign Epic Fails, “Fuzzy Math” Edition

So many people claim to be bad at math, which is why I always pay anyone who does work for me in rainbows and belly button lint. So far, so good!

Who says you have to check your brain at the door when you come to church?!?

And this is no small thing. Do you know how hard it is to grade papers while being crucified?

Clearly he needs to brush up on his math skills. Problem is, everyone’s nervous to tell him when he gets one wrong.

So if I leave church early, you’re saying I should kill myself? Little harsh, dontcha think?

Talk about an internal reference. Or is this kind of like putting up a “No Solicitors” sign?

We’re not proud of it, but before that, we worshipped the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Nothing like dropping a Bee Gees reference to bring the whippersnappers in the door.

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

For more information about Christian, visit, or find him on Twitter ( or Facebook.

  • Alan Christensen

    Regarding the first one (“4 given”): Christians do believe, after all, that in the divine math 3=1.

  • Walter Knapp

    Be fruitful and multiply

  • Alan Christensen

    But then 3 also equals 5?

  • Tim

    The math isn’t the only thing fuzzy in the first one. Jesus was forgiving people’s sins BEFORE he was crucified.

    • Evelyn

      Yep! And if one follows that sign’s atonement model, the resurrection isn’t even relevant… Which would make the math add up, actually.