Cry Me a River

I have been really struggling with Greek lately.  Instead of working harder I’ve allowed my fears to keep me pushing it aside.  Now, I have a test next week that I feel hopelessly unprepared for.

I’ve not been sleeping well.  My hubby has some sort of sleep disorder in which his violent flinching causes him to elbow me in my head all night while kicking me fairly regularly.  Every Thu. night I stay in the wonderful guest room of my new Seminary friend, Marla where she has a space heater in which I regularly subject myself to a thorough cooking.  I think last night got up to like 90 degrees in there.  I couldn’t sleep a wink.  Too much of a good thing, eh?

There is an opportunity I’d really like to take (which I will share later).  Because it’s sort of a big deal my hubby & I invited 7 of our close friends & fam to help us make a decision.  As the emails have been rolling in decidedly against what I would like to do it’s felt like all the people that I love are standing in front of me with a bb gun, just pelting away.  On the other hand, we are doing what wise people do: consult the wise.  This is how I have always lived, but for some reason this time it is harder than other times.  I’m trying to figure out why this particular decision means so much to me, but I’ve come up blank.  Sad.   Not just because I will probably not get my way, but because I cannot figure out for the life of me why others could see the situation so differently.  It’s perplexing, actually.  Disturbing, even.  I have just two advocates, yes, out of 8 & oh, how deeply I am cherishing their support right now.

Additionally, there is a very important paper I’m working on for school.  I thought it was great!  I turned it in for suggestions only to have to revise it 3 times.  After the 3rd embarrassing revision, I was told to take it to another source who also gave me a junk load of constructive criticism.  Now I am facing yet another revision, another paper & a Greek test next week.

 That my friends, is what broke the camels back today.

I think the combination of my tiredness, the stress over this decision, my fear of failing Greek, my lack of confidence with my paper, the bb gun pelting from my closest friends and a brewing head cold caused me to bust into tears today when my Greek tutor asked me a very simple question: “how can I help you today?”

This is my pity party for today, come on in, the water’s warm.

About Grace Sandra