I Am Deeply Disturbed

For the past few days, I have been deeply, deeply disturbed by the media coverage surrounding the murder of two Manhattan children by their trusted Nanny.

I have been unable to stop thinking about the suffering of the kiddo’s Mom, Marina Krim.  She’s been heavy, heavy on my heart and I have whispered “Lord, hold her, ” “God, keep her,” “Father, give her peace somehow” many times in the last few days.

When Marina came home from a swimming class with her 3-year-old she found her two-year old son, Leo & her six year old daughter, Lucia “LuLu” lying in their own blood in the bathtub.  From news reports she apparently started screaming “help me, help me!”  And then even as her Nanny was bleeding out from slitting her own throat, Marina asks her in disbelief, “you slit her throat?!” while she put a towel to the neck of the Nanny.

That my friends, as a Mama, is just an incomprehensible moment.  Yesterday, I saw a video that showed Marina carrying her 3 yr. old out of the apartment amidst the fury of ambulances, police & media.  She’s convulsing, she’s shaking and her hands were stiff as a board, each finger sticking straight out in strong tension, there was a not a single relaxed muscle in her body.  Later, they had to sedate her.

Just weeks ago, She blogged about how much she adored afternoons with her son Leo, whom she called “Lito,” whom he callef “Dito.”  Her blog has since been removed due to people declaring she got what she deserved for being a stay-at-home Mom with a Nanny and other angry responses due to the family being well off.  The lack of compassion is disgraceful.

Her dead children were 2 & 6.  All I’ve been able to think about is how my children were -just a few weeks ago- 2 & 6 yrs. old.  Most of us Moms would rather lose limbs, eye sight, house or financial stability than lose a child.

Marina’s life will forever be divided into two portions.  Before, her happy life as a stay-at-home Mom with her three precious children and after.  She will NEVER, never stop asking the question “why did this happen?”  She will NEVER stop wondering if she should have seen it coming.  She will NEVER stop mourning the fact that her 6 yr. old daughter had multiple stab wounds, her 2 yr. old son had his throat slit (later revealed to also have multiple stab wounds) and that her children died painful, criminal-worthy deaths.  She will NEVER stop wondering if her children knew how much she loved them amidst their suffering.  She will NEVER be the same.

She will never ever be the same.  She may never fully live again.  God help her.

And so I have been unable to stop praying for this woman for three days, even as I believe with 100% certainty that her children are in Heaven.  I don’t know much about heaven, haven’t been there myself, but I do know there’s no more crying, no more pain and that it is actually a better place than this present earthly home.

The nanny has a 10 yr. old son.  His mother apparently snapped & is in critical condition, she may not make it.  His mother is hated nationwide. His mother -even if she lives- will certainly spend the rest of her life in prison.  And what of his suffering?  I feel compelled to pray for him too.

And what of the surviving daughter, “Nessie?”  How many times will this 3 yr. old lone survivor ask her bewildered parents  where her baby brother is, where her big sister is?

In the past few days, I have been hugging my kids non-stop, thankful for their alive-ness.  This story has reminded me that our days are numbered and there are no guarantees than any of us will get another day free of evil or chaos or tragedy.

I know that lots of people in the world go through tremendous suffering, and I in no way mean to highlight this particular story as if these families are the only ones worthy of discussing, but as a Mom, I wanted to appeal to the other Moms out there…if you have a child and you understand how painful it would be to have that child violently murdered than pray for Marina in these next few days as she buries her children.

I only want for her what I hope people would do for me if I lost my boys ~ pray.


About Grace Sandra
  • Laura

    Great blog on this Grace…..such a tragedy ….my heart breaks for that family

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra

      Thanks, Laura. It is a tragedy indeed. =(

  • Alison

    This is really a heartbreaking story. My heart goes out to the bereft mom. May God continue to hold her in His arms throughout this difficult time.

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra


  • tereva

    wow. May His kingdom come. Similar story happened here in Illinois http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/31/naperville-children-killed_n_2049653.html We’ve got a lot of praying to do.

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra

      Oh, Tereva, you are so right! Just clicked through to that link. How awful. In some ways worse! a mother stabs her own child. I’m so flummoxed right now!

  • Michelle

    Beautifully written Grace. I had avoided reading the details of this situation although I had been praying for that family. I just can’t imagine. As a mother I literally can’t. And you know, I have to force myself not to read the comment sections of most articles online because it is SHOCKING how horrible, ugly and mean spirited these Internet thugs are. I mean it has gone to a whole new level. To not have compassion for someone who has lost their small children is beyond my understanding.

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra

      I know right?! It’s hard to imagine the limited level of thinking for someone to be cruel to a greiving mother just days after such a heartbreaking & horrendous loss. You are right, you just can’t possibly imagine. I just keep praying her grief will lead her straight into the arms of Jesus.

  • pastordt

    Oh, amen. I have not even been able to read about this story, it troubles me so deeply. But I will remember to pray for this mom – for her entire family, for the 10 year old boy who is left to wonder what happened, for our nation – that we might by some miracle of grace be able to see past the exteriors, whatever they are, and relate to one another’s struggle and pain. Lord, have mercy!

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra

      Yes, Lord have mercy!!! Thank you for your prayers. This story is a good reminder for me to pray for God’s Kingdom to come fully and soon.

  • Michelle

    I too have been unable to stop crying and praying for Marina Krim. Please God help her is all I can think numerous times throughout the day.

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra

      yeah, ugh, it’s just so sad. I actually decided yesterday that I had to stop thinking about it, it just puts me in such a helpless and depressed state.

  • Jem

    I have a son and a daughter and I know the limit of what I could survive. If they were to die (especially that way) it would send me into my own private hell and I would be irretrievable. I am haunted, kept up nights, interrupted at work by this terrible, terrible crime. What is happening to people’s minds? Why are we hearing more of this stuff than ever before? Or does it just seem that way?

    How will the three of them go on? How much will Nessie remember? How will her parents be able to find joy in the things she does or achieves, knowing that her brother and sister aren’t there to share it with her? I pray that they find the support they need as they try to come to terms with their horrific loss. They seem like incredibly strong people, but it is early days yet. I cannot stop thinking of them, of their pain and wishing that I could do something. The only thing that would be justice for those children and this family is the death penalty for Ortega. I’m sorry, but that’s just how I feel right now.

    • http://www.www.patheos.com/blogs/everydayblackmatters/ Grace Sandra

      Jem, I think the word you used is how I have felt too: “haunted.” I can’t stop thinking about it, mourning for them and then when I go online to find something out -mostly i’m just wanting to know how Marina is doing- I am again plunged into a great deal of sadness over it. So yeah, it’s just been terribly terribly sad for so many…and I too, have the same questions as you. And I must say, the death penalty sounds good to me too, though I think it is mostly out of angry revenge right now. Will just keep praying for them!