Progress Not Perfection

~

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had  (Romans 15:5) NIV

4 years ago our oldest daughter turned 12.  She began to do her own hair.  She began to express herself through her own style in dress.  She started to learn the art of “speed reading” to get an “A” on a quiz, just so she wouldn’t have to read the entire book.  She began to leave clothes on her bedroom floor for days.  She also began to show signs of procrastination with important tasks.  This behavior began to drive me CRAZY!  Even when my own mother reminded me she once knew of a teenager who drove her crazy with the same art of messy.

In the midst of trying to navigate these new habits with our 12 year old, I still had our sweet, over achieving 9 year old.  She was excelling in school, kept her room picked up and took on a new sport that she has found success in.  I still had a little bit of balance in my “mom world”.  It was extremely difficult not to compare the two based on their performance.

EEK yes I just admitted to comparing my children.   

If I let myself, I can allow my joy to fade with the daily reminders to train them how to maintain areas of their life.  I struggle with the things they leave undone.  I struggle with the lack of attention to detail.

I hate to admit that I allow their words to dictate my mood for the moment. 

I struggle with the last minute approach to tasks that warrant more time to complete with better results. Did I mention that it drains me to be the reminder police for things that were not done the first time?  I have a love/hate relationship with summer because it’s a reminder to me that one more year has gone by and we are one year closer to them not spending summer at home.

The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. (Proverbs 16:21) ESV

The approach of summer causes me to stop and ask myself if I have been mindful to use speech that persuades them to grow in who they are academically and in their talents.  OR did my speech communicate their lack of performance for who they are in the last year?

Was I mindful enough to praise them when they progressed in something or did I focus on their imperfections?

The independence seen in our girls is rewarding to me as a mom.  It is especially rewarding when I hear one of them encourage a friend with advice I have given them.  It is rewarding to see them complete a task with excellence.

BUT there are days when I get so frustrated I wonder if anything I have said over the last 16 years of parenting has been heard?  In the midst of my frustration I prayed about this unwanted level of frustration with the two beautiful blessings the Lord has given my husband and me the privilege to raise.

He reminded me that as a mom I am still the primary source of instruction for our girls, but they are beginning to make choices on their own that will define who they are and define their future.  Some of those choices may be poor choices.

* I have to choose not to let their poor choices define who I am as a person.

* I have to choose not to let their choices determine how I love them.

* I have to choose to not let their choices keep me from praising them.

Part of the process in allowing them to grow into their own person is allowing them to not be the picture of perfection I think they need to be.  Part of my job as a mom is to reflect on the progress our girls are making as they develop into independent young ladies not focus on their imperfections along the way.

It is by the grace of the Lord that I am able to parent them.

My poor choices haven’t kept the Lord from loving me. These lyrics from the song “The One Thing” by Paul Colman are a reminder to me that I never have to question the Love of God.

“The one thing I don’t question is you.  You really love me.”

I pray that our girls don’t ever have to question my love for them despite my imperfections as their mom.  You have probably heard the phrase “progress not perfection”.  This phrase has taken residence in my journal and in my mind, in hopes that it will take residence in my heart so my actions will reflect its meaning.  Goodness knows I’m not perfect-so how can I expect our girls to even strive for perfection?   As long as I focus on the lack of perfection in our girls I will remain frustrated.  If I change my focus to see the progress they are making-even if its progress in a small area of their life- as they grow into their independence I will become more gracious and understanding.

As I progress through the years of parenting our girls this is my prayer.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you (INSERT YOUR NAME HERE)  the same attitude of mind toward each other (INSERT YOUR CHILD’s NAME/HUSBAND’s NAME HERE) that Christ Jesus had  (Romans 15:5) NIV

~

Christy Baca holds a teaching degree from Texas A&M.  She has taught abstinence education for 9 years in public schools, private schools and youth groups. Christy teaches from the perspective of a real mom living in a real world.  Her communication is filled with truth, delivered with energy, warmth and grace.  She has just published her first book-Saying Yes! to Saying No-A parent’s guide to values based abstinence.  Christy Baca lives in North Texas with her husband, David, of seventeen years and their two teenage daughters. When Christy is not speaking or writing she can be found in the kitchen, at the Architect’s office keeping books, at a basketball/soccer game, choir concert, football game watching her favorite hi-stepper dance or with her friends.  Christy blogs here.