Michelle Duggar’s Tips for a Happy Marriage

February 16, 2012 By Lilit Marcus 70 Comments

This week the new season of 19 Kids and Counting premiered on TLC. Because so much of the Duggars’ life has already played out in the news, it’s weird watching the show and already knowing what’s going to happen (namely, Michelle is still pregnant with Jubilee, but we all know that the miscarriage is coming up).

In the premiere, Michelle was at a conference, giving a speech about how to have a happy Christian marriage. An eagle-eyed forum poster on TWoP was able to transcribe some of the sheet she handed out to the women in attendance. Spoiler alert: it’s about letting your man be in charge.

Seven Basic Needs of a Husband

1. A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man.

How does a wife destroy her husband’s manliness?

A. By expecting him to know what protection you need
1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Mental
4. Emotional
Tell your husband how he can protect you.

B. By being financially independent
1. Love is killed by self-sufficiency
2. Whoever controls the money controls the leadership.
Center your work and your ministry in your home.

C. By giving greater loyalty to outside leadership
1. Pastor and church leaders
2. Men and women Bible teachers
3. Relatives and friends
Ask your husband your spiritual questions.

D. By resisting his decisions in your spirit
1. A wife’s spirit controls her husband’s ambitions
2. Reviewing past failure destroys a husband’s self-worth.
Learn to wisely appeal to your husband

E. By resisting his physical affection
1. This is the unspoken crushing of a man’s spirit.
2. A wife’s Godliness is a powerful guard against her husband’s abuse of … [cuts off]

Update: Here’s the full text of the handout. Keep a barf bag handy.

Filed Under: Reality TV Tagged With: , , , , 70 Comments
  • Anonymous

    Why on earth would you berate her for her beliefs? This is how she wants to live and she was invited to speak on this very issue. I am not a Christian, I happen to be a Pagan. I still find the Duggars to be a caring, loving bunch who chose how they live and have the freedom to do so. There are more important things to worry about than what Michelle Duggar thinks constitutes a good wife.

    • Roddma

      Yes it is our concern when they broadcast to possibly vulnerable women. These kind of beliefs can lead to abusive situations. Just because something works for Michelle Duggar doesn’t mean it works for everyone.Educate yoruself on Bill Gothard, Vision Forum, and Chrisitian Fundamentalism. The truth is they want to take our rights away though it is never expressed on the show.

      • Cindy

        Michelle cannot be responsible for all vulnerable women out there. Every ADULT is responsible for their own actions and decisions no matter where they came from or how they were raised.
        If you made a decision in your life, that was good for YOU and someone came along and copied what you did, with bad results for them, would you take the blame for it?
        Everyone should be a good example, a good honest citizen, but lets stop with this blaming thing. Your mother is NOT responsible for every unwise decision you made. If a woman takes Michelle’s comments to heart when she is married to a low life who abuses her and DUHHH… it does not work for her, she needed help from the beginning no matter what.

      • Xtanner

        If women are vulnerable to Michelle’s beliefs then they are vulnerable to anyones. People that are so lost and needing to grab onto anything are just as likely to join any church as they are a cult. It all depends on what they feel can fill the void in their lives at the time. But I’m not saying I totally disagree with you…

    • mkzp

      She can do whatever she wants to but the problem is that she is trying to influence other women to think the same way. She has also raised 19 children in that prison of thought.

  • Elync

    Well I think I have a really good marriage but have never been less than an equal to my husband. In everything. Ms Duggar needs to put herself first for a bit.

    • Gtf222f

      shut up and get in kitchen and cook…

      • Carojayess

        Very mature. Your mother must be so proud.

  • Bonnie

    I was excited to read Michelle’s comments because she is a wonderful mother and is still interested in learning how to make her marriage the best it can be. I appreciate reading her advice. If any marriage can survive that many children, then it seems wise to listen to her advice!

    • Xtanner

      She seems to be a very loving, sweet, obedient wife. I don’t care what she believes and I don’t care what goes on behind closed doors. What I do care about is the fact that with 19 children how can they possibly get any 1 on 1 time with their parents? There aren’t enough hours in the day. When you add another one, they have to be depending on the older children to raise the younger ones. I think children want parents, not just siblings. That’s my belief and as far as I know they haven’t had any “Duggars go to Therapy” episodes.

      • Anonymous

        “Loving” wife – nice. “Sweet” wife -d’awwwwww! “Obedient” wife – Wait a minute, not so nice. Since when should a grown woman “obey” anybody? What are you, 12 years old?

        That said, your main point is very well taken. From what I understand, the Duggars do indeed depend on their older children to raise the younger ones — oh, but only the girls. G-d forbid the manly, manly, noble boys should ever change a diaper or wash a weekly load of 19 x 7 pairs of kiddy underwear!

        As for “Duggars Go to Therapy,” I think you’ve just predicted Reality TV’s No. 1 hit show for 2022 – Bwaaaa-ha-ha-ha! Seriously, you should draft a pitch for the show NOW, before somebody else beats you to the punch.

        • Xtanner

          To clarify, my preface of “sweet…obedient” was referring to HER marital beliefs. Trust me, 40yrs ago I was one of the trail-blazers in my profession fighting hard to be accepted, respected and treated as an equal in a field previously restricted to males. Her life and beliefs in no way have any room in my world, but being obedient works for her. Women have fought long and hard to get where we are today. If we were all following the same belief system as she apprently does, we wouldn’t be voting, owning property….existing.

  • Jillhand1

    I am usually a live and let live kind of person but I draw the line when my personal liberty is threatened. The Duggars and other fundamentalist Christians have a political agenda that includes repealing Roe v. Wade, closing our borders to immigration and eliminating many desperately needed government programs that assist the poor, the elderly and the disabled. They are bent on wresting control of the government by electing political candidates like Rick Santorum, who has the morals of a feral dog but who panders to the religious right.
    Michelle can be as submissive as she likes to good ol’ Jim Bob, but she has no right to politicize her religion and by so doing dictate how the rest of us should live.
    Remember, the Duggars are performers in front of TV cameras. What you see of them is not the real truth.

    • Ocean

      How is she politicizing it? By handing out a worksheet to a bunch of women at a small conference who WANTED to know? Why not just let her have her beliefs? Don’t let them threaten you and what you believe….you have every right to believe what you want, but so does she. More power to her!
      And if you are so worried about personal freedom, I’d take a look at what our government is trying to do to you right now by taking away your rights and thus forcing you to rely more on the government for everything…..

      • Xtanner

        You hit that on the head. We are not only being stripped of our freedoms, but our RIGHTS.

    • Green

      I don’t even know what religion or beliefs the Duggars have, but I think you are giving them a little more credit than they deserve or expect. Either that or you are giving yourself too little credit. They cannot dictate how I live and I can’t imagine they can dictate how YOU live. The only person who can do that is YOU. Even God can’t . That is what’s called agency. A GOD given right.
      Just because the Kardashians are on TV and they may write books, it doesn’t mean they are going to dictate my life any more than the Duggars.
      Everyone has their right to believe in whatever they wish wether you agree with it or not.
      I’m sure you would not even dream of putting down how gays live and their life style. I’m sure you would say, if it works for them, great. So why would you get so upset when a woman who trusts her husband, and as far as WE know he has lived up to that trust, be submissive to him, If it works for HER? She is simply stating what works for her to those who are interested in hearing what she has to say.
      I love my husband of 11 years, but I can’t be submissive to him even if I wanted because he just does not grow up. So IT DOES NOT WORK FOR ME.
      How I raise my oldest son is completely different than how I raise my middle child. It would be ridiculous to. It does not work.
      Let her live her life how she sees fit as long as it works for her and their family.

    • Xtanner

      I understand the spirit of your post, but I don’t think anyone is dictating how others lead their lives. This is the way they live, what they believe and issues they believe in fighting for. However, as much as I support them expressing their opinions as we all have the right to do it. They have a reality show because they aren’t like you or me, because they fall outside the boundaries of “our normal”. I do passionately agree that anyone’s personal religious beliefs should have any bearing on any of our laws. Maybe you don’t believe in birth control, but I do. No one gets to take away our freedoms by their religions. What I choose to do with my body is not for anyone else to decide. Amen

    • Anonymous

      Right on, Jillhand1.

    • AngieA

      Actually, I would have to bet that what you see IS the real duggars, they’ve got it together, and in turn have blessed lifes. Note Tom’s post above, and realize that he and so many other men have found a true blessing in a wife. And so many, like you Jillhand1, are just jealous.

  • Turtleback2003

    I’m all for religious freedom but that doesn’t mean I can’t be disgusted when I see women willingly selling themselves to their husbands.

  • Aurens66

    These are not Michelle Duggars beliefs, they are a handout written by and also copyrighted by the South Heights Baptist Church of Sapulpa, Oklahoma, so she’s promoting someone else’s agenda.

    Some facts: if a woman cannot be financially independent, what happens if death or accident take the breadwinning spouse ? Though incidentally, the Duggars receive welfare and food aid, so in the eventuality that Mr. Duggar would pass on, they’d doubtless be fully supported – your taxdollars at work.

    More women than men live in poverty because women on average live longer than men.

    A marriage should be an equal partnership between a man and a woman, and a man and a man, a woman and a woman, so each support the other, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and that means having your own opinions and learning to compromise.

    • nostatusquogirl

      For goodness sake!! I’m shocked at the devolution of human character! Everybody slamming a lady who is the epitome of motherhood! Some of you can’t even handle one toddler without becoming Frankenstein – have a shred of honest decency and give credit where it’s due! Michelle Duggar had the brains to NOT marry a little boy who won’t grow up (@ Cindy). Women can be such idiots! They marry buffoons they have no respect for. They want him to be the ‘perfect man’ but they refuse to even TRY to be the perfect wife! The Stepford Wives belong to the realm of Star Trek – hello, people! FICTION! We might as well as have Twilight be the standard of living! Everyone is expected to have common sense and make their marriage meaningful according to their own belief system and what makes society orderly and beautiful. A raging wife is quite unattractive as is a simpering bimbo who can’t break away from an abusive bum. Character, my friends is what is missing in the world today. Sacrifice is fundamental to peaceful living. It’s about compromise. BOTH husband and wife must submit to each other. Or they will turn our prodigious future parolees instead of law abiding citizens! Abigail Adams must be turning in her grave! Submission does NOT mean inequality. I submit to the Law because the law has my best interests in mind. The Bible clearly states that men and women are equal and is the only religious book that promotes the rights and freedoms of the women.

      • Denelian

        you’re JOKING, right?

        Mama Duggar DOES NOT take care of her kids – that’s why she has daughters!

        the BIBLE freaking says – read Jesus, PLEASE, that men and women are equal. that whole “women, submit to your husbands… husband, love your wives as Jesus Loves the Church” – at least you quoted the relevant bit – “wives AND husbands, SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER”!!!
        that ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT MEAN “wives, you MUST be stay-at-home wives and mothers, PERIOD, and the HUSBAND is in charge” NO they are BOTH to submit, and EQUALLY, in an EQUAL PARTNERSHIP!

        Jesus – the ONLY person who matters anymore, He and the Holy Spirit – taught that men and women are EQUAL, that marriage was a EQUAL PARTNERSHIP where BOTH partners were to SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER.

        THE ONLY LAW THAT STILL APPLIES ARE THE 3 LAWS JESUS GAVE US – “Love God; Love thy neighbor; do not judge”
        those are the ONLY LAWS. he came, he FULFILLED OLD TESTAMENT LAW, it NO LONGER APPLIES.

        and even in the Old Testament, women were allowed to inherit, were allowed to pick their own husband, did NOT have to marry, etc etc etc.

        though i WOULD like to point out that your last statement is INCREDIBLY ignorant and incorrect. for instance – and despite what the CULTURE says – Mohommad taught that “your daughters and your sons are equal in the eyes of Allah[God]” and he taught equality between the sexes. many Native American religions taught that men and women were equal, and had women on councils as much as men were [sometimes MORE] and would allow women to pursue “manly” jobs, like hunter, and allow men to pursue more “domestic” jobs, like farming [because in most NA cultures, farming was what WOMEN did]. and many MANY pagan and neopagan religions *REALLY* preach gender equality. as does my religion, which is probably pagan, though it’s more a blend of pagan and Cherokee.

        also, Abigail Adams urged her husband to “think of the ladies” and wanted him to make sure that women were, in ALL WAYS, equal to men – she wanted equal property rights, the right to vote – the list could go on for a WHILE. trust me, Mrs. Adams is NOT turning over in her grave at women being disgusted by the idea that the ONLY “way” for women is to turn yourself into a literal SLAVE of your husband, only having what rights and emotions HE says you can have! and seriously, if sacrifice is fundamental, why is that QF/P men NEVER have to sacrifice? we don’t see THEM doing what they demand of their wives – they aren’t, quite literally, risking their LIVES to create more “arrows” for the culture war QF/P fundies are trying to wage, we don’t see THEM laboring 18 hours a day to care for a dozen+ children while keeping a spotless home and hand-making EVERYTHING, including clothing and bread… oh, no, those men, they sacrifice NOTHING.
        i recommend the blog “no longer quivering”. really. go read the REALITY of the evil that happens in this cultish branch of “Christianity” that doesn’t bother to follow EITHER Christian or Judaic Law AT ALL.

    • Just Me

      The Duggars do NOT receive welfare, food stamps, or any aide from the government. They have a secure financial future whether the husband or the wife were to die tomorrow.
      Oh–and FYI–Michelle Duggar is not indicative of YOUR view of women. She is educated, competent and has supported the family financially in the past.
      Despite your lip service to political correctness, it’s obvious that the Duggars have a much higher opinion of women than you do. You seem to think we are all helpless, stupid, baby-making, welfare wanna-bes who need a husband to live long enough to support us.
      Good Heavens–at least believe your own rhetoric if you’re going to beat us over the head with it!

      • Anonymous

        Why on earth would they need food stamps, etc.? They’re Reality TV stars!

        The fact that Michelle Duggar is “educated, competent and has supported the family financially in the past” makes her endorsement of this horrendous agenda that reduces women to the status of loyal, adoring, selfless brood-mare/body servant/helpless dependent to her husband very, very much worse. At least if she were ignorant, incompetent and incapable of earning her own living, she’d have a credible excuse.

  • nostatusquogirl

    Wow! What is this world coming to? Sounds like there is as much cynicism for Michele Duggar as there is for Casey Anthony! Pretty wild. There is NO doubt the world is degenerating into a cesspool of nonsense. I may not appreciate Mike Phelps faith (what is it anyway?) but he is a darn good swimmer. What does it matter what Michele Duggar believes? She is a good wife and an outstanding mother. She does not break the law and she brings up children that know how to behave. She is happy with her husband and he is happy with her. So….what’s the problem? Did she shove a pamphlet in anyone’s face who did not want it? Did she FORCE her beliefs on anyone? Please, people, get a life! I actually do not watch her show and am NOT an advocate of having many children BUT she does it well – so, kudos to her! I think the people with issues are those who have trouble in their marriage and relationships. They are not prepared to make the sacrifices involved to produce change. the golden rule holds true in every sphere of life…for those of you ignorant of this age old adage – do unto others as you would want them to do unto you or as in the words of Confucius, ‘Don’t do unto others as you don’t want them to do unto you.’

    • forTruth

      Thank you for having added some common sense and logic. Adding to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I think that also applies in our marriage. My husband hasn’t always communicated well and he had a few things to learn in the beginning( the first seven years ) but I did apply Biblical truth to our marriage and took God at His Word. His Word did not return void. There were a few times I about threw in the towel. I understand where many of these posts are coming from. Every woman wants security. Submitting to an imperfect man can lead to insecurity. I submit myself first to a Perfect, Holy, Loving God. MY SAVIOUR.
      I loved my husband when he was unlovable and asked God to help me see him through His eyes. I now have a man who loves and honors me. I don’t throw fits and demand him to do what I want. Putting self aside is not a popular idea these days. I do not condone physical abuse and would plead with any woman to find safety.
      I do not know Michelle Duggar personally but we have mutual friends. I know that there are slanderous words spoken of her but she is a Jewel! If there were more women in this world like her it would be a better place.

    • happywife

      You and forTruth could not have said it better! I have been with my husband 19 years, since I was 17 years old, and we have been through every single type of mentality, marriage trend, and socially acceptable belief and none of it created the love, peace, respect, and honor our marriage needed until I did two things: brought God into my life and submitted. Submitting doesn’t mean becoming a Stepford Wife, as Stepford wives don’t have a mind of their own, they are insecure and controlled. Submitting to your husband is the art of letting go of what society thinks a woman should be doing in her marriage, but instead do what the bible and God want you to do. It took me a LONG time to figure this out! I am not a holy woman, nor was I ever, I’m only 35 years old so my views were not old and outdated, but they were of society’s norms and values and that’s where we went wrong. Like Michelle, I’m a happier more patient mother, wife, sibling and friend. I have never felt more love from my husband, respect, and honor as I do now. My husband shows this love for me in so many ways, i.e. taking out the trash, doing the dishes, attending church with us, playing with our kids, these are all things he didn’t do before when I wasn’t allowing him to be the leader he wanted to be in our marriage. So back off Michelle, let her be and if you can learn from her, more blessings to you. Michelle is a wonderful example of the loving, graceful wife and mother who knows it’s no longer about her, but about those who surround her and depend on her – the rest, God takes care of = a wonderful marriage.

      • happywife

        in the first line, I meant to put quotations around “socially acceptable” – oops… please read as if the quotations are there, that’s important.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. She forces them on her children (especially her daughters, who are being raised to go into voluntary servitude to a man chosen by Jim-Bob) every day. By my lights that precludes her from being “an outstanding mother”.

      • Duggarfan

        Except that this isn’t even remotely true. The daughters are actually free to choose a career – one of them is going into nursing and another is becoming a photographer. It must be pretty easy to argue your point when you just make stuff up.

    • Cbh1951

      She forces them on society, and women “Like” me, and then supports Rick Santorum, and serves as a standard bearer to those who believe that HOW GOD makes a woman should be ignored, and how MAN wants a woman to be should be primary.

      It hurts all of us, from her children and how they view the opposite sex, to politically how the 5 out of 1 families led by women are made to feel inferior. I could still have my ex-husband; by this point, however, he’d be dead or I’d be dead, cos it was a living hell NOT meant by MY Creator to be.

      People thought that slaves were happy too; just check out
      “Gone With The Wind.” They were NOT. Any form of religion and government that supports the suppression of anyone in ANY Form is a BAD thing.

  • Xtanner

    I’m a little confused. If the woman is the “weaker” sex, then why is the man’s self esteem, success and respect from others dependant on her being his cheerleader, adoring him in public so others will respect him and tell him what a good job he is doing when he makes a bad decision. By the words written, a man needs the weaker sex to make him feel superior. If she’s weaker wouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t his self esteem, work, ethics, Godliness be enough to gain respect of others as well as himself? There are a lot of very successful, respectful men and women out there that don’t need cheerleaders to constantly tell them how wonderful they are.
    I honestly respect everyone’s individual beliefs. What works for one doesn’t another. But like most religions and faiths that I don’t know, I question what I don’t understand. In one phrase the wife is submissive, the next it’s her responsibility to make her husband feel like a man, she should dress and wear her hair the way he wants but it’s her responsibility to teach him about fashion and fabric and how to style hair. Huh?
    Please, anyone, help me understand.

    • Just Me

      Maybe you should go back and actually READ the article. It’s not her responsibility to make her husband feel like a man, but rather to avoid damaging his confidence. In other words (for the less literate among us), don’t call him an asshat.
      Take “God” out of the advice and you’ll see that they are just basic rules of respect and support.
      I find it interesting that the OP did not include the companion booklet to what Michelle handed out–The Seven Basic Needs of a Wife. That booklet suggests corresponding suggestions for husbands.
      Can anyone say “hidden agenda?”

      • Xtanner

        Thank you very much for your response. I do appreciate you explaining it in terms I can relate to. I don’t demean anyone’s religion or beliefs. It’s not for me to judge. I just question things I don’t understand. Whether I agree with it is not important. If God wanted us to all be alike, we’d be clones.

    • Ktorres1977

      Hm, well in this world of acceptance of all types of religious beliefs and life style choices, it’s sad to hear anyone berate Michelle Duggar for her choices. The Duggars do follow a very fundamental Biblical teaching but there is nothing wrong with that it just isn’t what the average person believes. I watch the show because I am amazed at how they do it(with no government assistance) they are 100% debt free. I am a Christian that attends a Southern Baptist Church(judgers go ahead I’ve heard everything negative you have to say so feel free). I have not always been a submissive wife and I have 2 failed marriages to show for it. I was boastful and proud and chose my own mate in the past with no regard to the type of man God may have chosen for me. From what I was taught and from what I read in the scripture, wives should submit to their husbands. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t entitled to our own opinions, thoughts and beliefs but it does mean that we should be willing to follow our husbands lead first. This is such a hard concept for the modern woman. We have been taught to be independent and fierce and self-sufficient from our mothers and society. God teaches that as well, but when we marry there are guidelines for the husband and wife in a marriage and it is up to each to follow them. From personal experience being submissive doesn’t mean I just blithely stand by and let my spouse dictate my thoughts but I do let him make the decision first. I trust him and whether it’s a good decision or one that will surely turn out bad, I submit to his decision and I am supportive of however it turns out. If I think it’s not a good one or a Godly one, I speak up, but only to encourage him to make sure he’s decided from a good place. I think the word submissive is a dated word and should probably be “supportive”. It’s a tough ideology for sure, why should we let a man tell us what to do, why should we trust a man, blah,blah,blah. Well, woman, when you marry a man you are pledging to do just that, trust, love,honor and respect. Too quickly we expect it from the husband. I can only speak from personal experience: submitting first really seems to be the first step to building the type of marriage God wants for us.

      • Hannahekz

        Whatever works for women and other people in their marriages. If I suddenly began “submitting” to my husband the way this article suggests he would find it amusing for about a day, then he would seek therapy for me and if it continued he would divorce me. Why? Because he wants a partnership, not another child to mentor

        • AngieA

          If you suddenly began submitting to your husband, you would find that he (after the initial shock) would suddenly begin to be more loving and respectful back, as you unknowingly began to build his much needed self esteem–you would become his greatest fan/partner, not child. A wife can build a man/home up, or tear it down, it’s fearful how much power she has.

  • grandma 7

    Michelle is following the guide lines of what God expects in marriage. God loves marriage, He is the one that thought of it. He doesn’t want women to be a whipping post for husbands. He wants them to respect each other in a love relationship. There can only be one captain on a ship. It doesn’t mean that the husband barks out orders and doesn’t give his wife respect. Your working as a team not a dicatorship. Michelle is showing us how successful a marriage can be when we follow God’s intentions. There are millions of marriages that follow their own ways. They will dig their heels in and do it their way. What are the stats now? Over 50% end in divorce. I wonder who is doing it the right way?

    • Xtanner

      She is following the guide lines of what she believes God expects of marriage. How many religions, faiths, beliefs are there? They all read the same Book but interpret it differently. Some take it at face value, others take into consideration the terminology and translation from the language at that time. Whatever the reason they all take things out of it that they can “hang their hat on”.
      I don’t think either is right or wrong and my God loves everyone, not just the Baptists, not just the Catholics, not just…we could go on. If that were they case, that God is only available to one belief system, then the children in 3rd world countries that are uneducated or haven’t been exposed to or know about God, they don’t deserve God’s love?
      Not in my world. In my world God’s love is limitless.

    • CarojAyess

      A marriage where the husband is the ‘captain’ IS a dictatorship. If a man loves & respects his wife, he will recognize that her ability and right to make decisions is equal to his own

    • Xtanner

      There are many reasons for a divorce. I’ll bet if you were to take a poll there would be a very small percentage of divorces caused because the wife is doing what she is told to. If everyone set aside their needs, beliefs or opinions because of conflict, we would be serving tea at 4:00 and money transactions would be based on the Pound Sterling. Sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves so we aren’t sitting sheep waiting around until we’re dinner for a wolf.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kate-Pollack/504625142 Kate Pollack

    http://drphil.com/shows/show/1790

    “If she would be more submissive, we would have less conflict.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Knotanes-Cmh/100002050882349 Knotanes Cmh

    Dreck. I don’t believe God’s blueprint for marriage included plans for every woman on Earth turning into their husband’s live-in, 24-7, life-long parasitic toady.

    If your husband’s ego is that fragile, your husband needs help. And if you’re that eager to be his in-house rump-kissing specialist–first class, no less–you probably have some issues, too.

    Believing in God doesn’t require acting like a loony. There are normal people who believe in God. They just don’t end up with TV shows.

  • Amb

    If you don’t like her beliefs then don’t follow them. She’s not asking you too. I don’t believe in god, have been happily married for many yeadbuydos& probably would never sit through a full episode but it’s because that’s my choice. If you all are so threatened by what she’s living or teaching to those who are interested, then the problem lies in you and your own insecurity. It’s her right and her marriage. Worry about your own & get a life.

  • justmy2cents

    I am a Christian, but I would say my misunderstandings of what submission meant and what to expect from a wife came from Media. Media has twisted what Masculinity and Femininity really mean and should really be. My wife put up with a lot and I am thankful that she was supportive as I learned what the Scriptures were really saying our relationship should be like. When your wife whole heartedly supports your decision and it fails, you can plainly see where the failure lies and you can learn from it. Her support has made me admire her. I outweigh her by 100 pounds and am many times stronger than she, she is the weaker one physically. She is many times stronger than I in many other ways. If she had not been the supportive wife she had been our marriage would have ended years ago. Her strength allowed me to mature to the man she needed. Many of my friends that married and did not apply balanced Scriptural counsel lost their marriages. I do make the final decision in our family, as I am held responsible for those decisions by the Highest Authority, the One that I am submissive to. I would be a fool not to listen to the wisest counselor in the house, my wife.

  • Kylaingp

    Hey Michelle, the 1950′s called – they want their attitude back. A marriage is not about one person being submissive to another. It is about both people respecting each other, balance, and bringing their strengths to the table. There is too much emphasize on having the woman put herself down in order to save her husband’s “spirit”. If his spirit is that fragile, then maybe he should work on his own self-worth and not look to his wife to do it for him. If your spouse feels “threatened” by anything you do, you really need to take a step back and question if it’s a healthy relationship.

    No wonder women back in the 50s were drinking martinis and taking vallium. They did what they had to to survive the unrealistic expectations that they are responsible for their husband’s egos.

    • AngieA

      Many more marriages survived in the 1950′s. Go ahead and argue, as those of you who do not agree with Michelle’s beautiful way of life will continue to argue, AND have a miserable life in which you find yourselves faking everyday to be happy when you’re not.

      • Hitlerwasmormon

        Does overpopulation mean anything to do? Do you think maybe someone producing so many kids has anything to do with it???

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/SirWinstoneChurchill Winston Blake

          You shouldn’t be reproducing anyway, it severely denigrates the gene pool.

          If you think the world is overpopulated, you can do us all a favor and reduce it by one all by yourself.

        • ebd

          Check your facts… Overpopulation doesn’t exist. There are studies that actually show the world size is decreasing.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/SirWinstoneChurchill Winston Blake

      Hey, Kylaingp, the Middle Ages called – they want your ignorance back…

      Monogamy is a corrupt and hackneyed tenet of religion.

      This ceremonious sanctification does nothing to change the fact that all men are born of a woman.

      Polyandry and polygyny are the natural order.

      You are a throwback from the middle ages.

      • Seatbelts are for atheists

        While they are the natural order, humans rejected polygamy because it had too many social implications, it was too difficult to handle a relationship with multiple people.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/SirWinstoneChurchill Winston Blake

          The Constitution says NOTHING about polyandry or polygyny…

          There is no logical justification for monogamy as a religious rule of law for homosexuals.

          Mammals can only evolve heterosexually.

          All men are born of a woman.

          In case you didn’t notice, a lot of people get married several times and have many children without marriage.

          It is not your place to impose your religious rule of law on anyone.

    • Ravenmad3

      Right on Kylaingp!! I coudn’t have said it better myself, thanks for the wonderful comment! It is so true, what you said about a wife and the husband “both’ bringing it to the table. “Both” being the the man and the woman, not the man because he has a “set of @#$%% that automatically puts him in charge of the entire world”, or in charge of his home. I think that both the man and the woman should be equal and nobody should be the “leader” or be “submissive”. My ex husband, who was extremly abusive to me, wanted me to be this little “submissive”, closed minded woman, who never said nothing back to him and always “done what was told to do”, because the man said so. Well, I left him and that situation, it wasn’t me , nor is it in me to be like that. I was often told by this egomaniac that it was in the “Bible’ for the wife to be submissive. Well, maybe it was in his but not in mine. I have never read in any Bible where it’s ok to treat your wife like a slave and to make her do what a husband wants done, (ie,sex with strangers, sex with his brothers, sex with an animal. Just because he was “in charge of me” and I was to do what he said, cause he was born with a set of %^&*, I don’t think so!! As far as any other woman, who thinks it’s ok to be submissive to their “better half”, well keep those closed minded ideas to yourself and don’t give us women “who can handle life pretty good on our own, without needing a man to tell us how to”. I think it’s a shame to raise a young girl with these horrific ideas that a man needs to be in charge of everything, including the home life, PLEASE!! DON’T push those ideas down my loved ones throat, they wouldn’t go for it anyway!!

  • karen

    She is a poor excuse for a 21st century woman.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/UXBVPOVMSES2O3CUFAYXFGLTJY Tom

      Interesting conclusions by most of you women. Judging by your opinion I would beg to bet most of you are not too happy with your marriages. As a married men for 17 years I would support it word for word. “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” and she will make sure of that. Divorce rate speaks for itself as well as statements so often made these days by women that men are not manly enough as they used to be – Too closely in touch with their feminine side i think(trying too hard to keep their wife happy as impossible as it is).
      Married man.

      • Kitmonk

        Hey Tom,
        Why am I not surprised that you think Michelle has the right idea? If men are so damn happy and easy to please, why are they starting wars all over the world.

      • seatbeltsareforatheists

        Of course you would like this, you have a penis.

      • JimmyYoJimmy

        Well said Tom, ignore the ultra-feminist derogatory comments; you’re on the right track.

  • Cheryl

    Wow. Oh my. I am truly flabbergasted.

  • Sanely Crazy

    See … right now, after reading this article and the comments below? THIS is when I thank God that He blessed me with the ability to see past the bull$h*t.

    And right after that, I thank Him for making me a lesbian.

  • kneeslappinghilariousone

    this ‘multiple choice’ test needs some serious tweeking. i.e. how could christ jesus have come into being at all if mary had’ve asked her husband? Hey, larry: could we get pregnant by immaculate conception? yip; these deceptive ‘answers’ are far from manageable.

  • Pilgrim

    Thank u everyone for your input. (Excluding the propaganda posted by Jillhand1–obviously having your own political agenda). Some heartfelt and deeply spiritual, most were insightful and intelligent, others-firey and passionate. Truly was a trip in the minds of many.
    I think it is wisdom to reserve judgement against others and to be open at all times to receiving whatever knowledge you can from those around us. Are we doing this from previous generations? Did we learn from the mistakes our ancestors made? Or did we just run to the opposite extreme?
    I think it is plain to see how threatening it is for the “independant women” of today to think about being supportive in a relationship with a man. To the point that we live in a female dominant society (in the western world). The media broadcasts a steady message of female “empowerment” and sexuality. So in essence I think we have gone from one type of abuse to another. Certainly overcompensating.
    Women are regarded by the vast majority of men as equal. It is only the female “ego” that remains bruised by the mistakes of men in times past. Yet they are still quite intent on punishing todays men for the sins of their forefathers. Today, relationships are regarded as disposable and nothing seems sacred. Statistically, more than 50% of marriages fail in the first 2 years. Tragic. Where I live women carry out 75% of all domestic abuse that is reported. Yet it is well known that in family law men are quickly stripped of their rights and assumed to be less than fit parents, compared to their female counterparts. How many women do you hear of paying child support or spousal support to their ex-husbands or common-law partners? Equal rights…
    The dichotomy that men want to dominate women and abuse whatever trust and privledge they are given in that relationship has been so overplayed. It has nothing to with what is happening in society today.
    As for Michelle Duggar’s tips: I think trust is the desired end result here. A woman trusts her husbands instincts. A man does not abuse that trust and will certainly listen to his wife’s input. If there isn’t trust what do you have?
    For a man or woman to submit to anyone who they believe may abuse that is unwise.
    I think it is time we lay down our weapons, begin to learn from one another, and try to encourage healing as a society. We spend so much time congratulating ourselves for all we know and how far we have come–we are ignoring the obvious. We are becoming sick and depraved. We are materialistic and shallow. Even the earth itself is telling us how wrong we have been by so many natural disasters. And yet all we want to do is argue and rip each other apart, point fingers and place blame.
    God forgive us and help us…

  • Ander

    Too bad about the religious stuff… This could’ve been pretty useful.

  • Guest

    “Keep a barf bag handy”?

    So what, just because it’s a Christian giving the advice according to her beliefs, we think we have the right to belittle it publicly?

    Would we EVER think of doing this if it was a Muslim wife giving the advice? No, of course not — we would never think of offending her then.

    Sheesh … So much for free speech and freedom of religion, huh, America?

  • AngieA

    I see many jealous women are out there, as they haven’t found the ‘secret’ to a happy marriage. If they ever do, they will stop spewing hate toward those women who have. Marriage isn’t easy, as Michelle Duggar will tell you. It’s alot of work, but it CAN be a Blessing… “Her children will rise up and call her blessed”. My mother was a Godly woman also, and has celebrated a 50th anniversary, she did it through prayer, and has a blessed home. She taught me how to love and respect, and I too am celebrating 27 years of marriage to a godly man I adore and respect more everyday.
    Michelle, continue to spread your wisdom, there are many young women who still desire a happy home. And for those of you who are still confused by the simplicity of a happy/loving couple, you should read the writings of Debi Pearl.

  • ruth brown

    i have been married for 17 years on sunday 4 th march which i will be spend in hospital and i have a very good married and i am very happy

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/SirWinstoneChurchill Winston Blake

    The greatest knot upon the liberty of all European people is the praeterpolitical power of the churches to institute monogamy as an ecclesiastic rule of law, thereby enabling them to determine the legitimacy of the succession of the pagan kings and abrogate the natural rights to property and self-defense as well as power of ecclesiastic censure for divorce…

    The government of men’s external actions by religion, pretending the change of nature in their consecrations cannot be esteemed a work extraordinary, it is no other than a conjuration or incantation, whereby they would have men to believe an alteration of nature that is contrary to the testimony of sight and of all the rest of the senses.

    The idea “thou shalt marry and be given in marriage” is corrupt and degenerate, which is an impossible immortality of a kind (i.e., eternal love), but not of the persons of men.

    Religious ecclesiastics would have men believe they will receive condign punishment and are not worthy to be counted amongst them that shall obtain the next world for their contumacy of monogamy, as opposed to the freedom of the polygamy found in nature, which is inherently pagan.

    All men are born of a woman.

  • Adoringcreations

    Thank you for providing the full text! I am excited to read it and apply it :)