I like to do as much Christmas shopping online as possible– you get to skip the crowds, and stuff is delivered straight to your doorstep. In fact, the ease of online shopping is something I thank the sweet baby Jesus and former Vice President Al Gore for every year.
However, there’s a catch: online shopping means you’ll see some stuff that will make you scratch your head. That’s what happened to me this year, so I’m passing along the fun. Here’s the top 10 weirdest Christmas gifts I found on the internet this year:
10. For the NRA member who has everything:
Cause the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun– and a full stomach.
9. For the future NRA member of the family:
Get em used to carrying ammo while they’re young, you know?
8. For busy parents who just need an uninterrupted nap:
If it works for gerbils, why not for mini-people? With the Crib Dribbler you can afford to sleep in a little longer with the knowledge that if your kid is smart enough, they won’t die of dehydration.
7. For those who are pretentious about the appearance of the Christmas turkey:
I mean, this is just weird, even for weird people.
6. For the Donald Trump of your family:
You’re a child of the King of Kings, so why not have your bathroom reflect that spiritual reality?
5. For that loved one with a little extra somethin’ somethin’ out back.
4. For the extreme introvert in your home:
Because sometimes you just need to take space and unwind. Take some me-time in style with this body sweater.
3. For the conscientious world-traveler in your home:
Okay, so I censored this image because the original image is disgusting, but I’m not going to lie: this is the epitome of brilliance. While traveling internationally, I’ve often returned to my room to find my suitcase sifted like Satan sifts wheat, but with this nasty gem? I think the problem is solved and my cash will be safe.
2. For your kids who need a lesson in salvation:
I mean, what better way to teach your kids that salvation can mean more than one thing?
1. For the wee little ones you don’t trust.
Toping out my list is the creepiest gift I found on the internet this year. This lovely toy coaxes your kids into telling their deepest secrets… and then it uploads and emails you an audio recording of what they confessed to the bear. So yeah, this one is a potent mix of weird and creepy all rolled into one. (Wait… I wonder if this works on teenagers? I might grab one and try it out.)
What about you? What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever received?