One kid, Two Kids, Three Kids

I’m not sure when it starts, but at one point in a girl’s life she wishes, “I want to have ___ kids!”  She may even go further by saying how many boys and how many girls, and what she wants to name them.

Then she gets married. And oh the pressures of having a baby or getting pregnant and when! Does she still have the same wish she did long ago?

I remember saying I wanted four children. And if Allah would give me two boys and two girls, I would be so happy because that would be so perfect!

I currently have a stillborn daughter in heaven, and a son that’s almost a year old. As relatives, friends, and even strangers watch my son gain “independence” (self feed, take steps, 1 ½ syllable words) they eye me with the question of, “when are you going to have another?”

They ask as though it’s as easy as ordering a box of pizza. But if you say that, they’ll say- “Have them while you’re still young, while your body is still versatile.”  Yes, they’ll even add some details to that versatile part.

I personally want to wait until my son is out of diapers. I can’t imagine having two very needy children. But then they’ll say- “You’re doing it anyway, do it with two rather than getting freed up only to start over again.”

So when is that time to think of another sibling for your child? Or is one just fine. I would like another, inshallah. But three? More? What am I really worried about? A difficult, high-risk pregnancy? A needy newborn? The responsibility in raising a Muslim child?

Allah knows best. Allah will challenge us, but He will give no challenge that will prove too hard for us to handle.  And that is why the answer, “Inshallah” (If Allah wills it), I have found, is the best reply to those who ask.

Hoda

Hoda is a wife and a mother to a stillborn daughter in heaven and an almost one-year-old son. She is an elementary school teacher in public school and lives in Virginia.

About Mahaez
  • Blessed

    yes! and are you greedy if you only want one or two or three? but then subhanaAllah, its’ true that Allah makes one thing easy for every difficulty you imagine. when my two daughters were born 18 months apart, i though it would be the most difficult thing. Now, looking back, I am so thankful that Allah gave me two so close, to entertain each other, play together and become the best of friends!

  • Blessed

    But at the same time, i’m struggling with myself about having more children. What’s my niyyah? Do I need to have a niyyah to have more kids? Do i have the right to wait to have more kids?

  • Maha

    Great post! I loved your writing!

    I think everyone is so different in this perspective and every woman approaches it differently. But what we all have in common, ideally, is that whatever Allah swt writes for us we surrender to Him and put our whole trust in Him–whether it’s what we planned or not! I feel that when I do that, everything will turn out for the best in the end and we’ll look back and feel so cared for and protected and blessed.

  • ummossama

    AA,

    Yes….Allah knows best and then the parents know best….all the rest ……….well……they think they know best….but have the best of intention I’m sure of that.

    I agree “Insha’allah” is the best reply to those who ask…..but sometimes a quick change of subject or a graceful escape is needed also.:)

    Enjoyed your post. JAK.

  • SK

    Assalamu-alaikum,

    Subhan-Allah i dont know how i stumbled across this blog site (i guess i could trace my steps back but i wont) but im loving reading these posts….im not a mum, not even married…going to 27 years old soon though….but im taking mental notes from what im reading….insha-Allah i can use it for when i do become a mother/wife…….i just heard whilst in the middle of writing this someone i know of has passed away..innalillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon….may Allah have mercy on her. Subhan_Allah ….just making me think even more now that i truly should be grateful to Allah for all the blessings bestowed on me and not taking a moment for granted without thanking Allah.

    i will look forward to reading more.


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