Stay At Home Moms

Stay at home moms. Hmm, I wonder where this term came from. I think it’s supposed to refer to moms who are out of the work force, who are the main caregivers of their children, and whose primary job it is to manage their homes. I’ve been a “stay at home” mom since I jumped off the career track when my first child was born about 8 years ago.

For a brief time, I tried to be a “work at home” mom, but an inability to concentrate – or even finish a thought – got the better of me. As the years passed and the number of children increased, my

days were filled with trips to museums, nature centers, classes and children’s programs of all kinds, and just about every park and playground in the area. Our mini-van became more like a second home

as the demands of accommodating my growing children’s ever-changing interests became greater. I certainly stayed at home a lot less than when I was “working”.

At some point, I began helping with my husband’s business. Staying at home suddenly didn’t mean not working professionally, and the management part of managing my home became, well, unmanageable.

After zipping around town trying to carry out some business-related task with crying babies and active toddlers, I longed for the literal aspect of my supposed title. “DON’T YOU REALIZE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE STAYING AT HOME?” I wanted to shout to whoever might listen, or care.

Sometimes, no matter how we’re classified, we simply overdo it and understate it. “Working” moms still come home to their other duties downplaying the stresses that come with their dual – and sometimes conflicting roles; and “stay at home” moms undersell their abilities although they demonstrate a multitude of skills and never really leave their work. It’s a delicate balance of fulfilling our commitments to ourselves and others, but we should always try to give credit where credit is due.

There’s no way to know how life would have been for me had I stayed the professional path, but for all its successes and failures I’m doing what I can on the road Allah selected for me. No matter where

being a “stay at home” mom takes me, I’ll gladly accept the title.

Susan Assaf

Susan lives in Maryland and is a homeschooling mom of 4 growing munchkins.

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  • kelly

    Asalaamu alaikum susan,

    i feel the same way. yes, let’s give credit where credit is due. one day we will all recognize this and be all the better from it, insha Allah.

    love, kelly

  • Sumayah

    Since marriage I have been a “stay-at -home’ mom…… now that my kids are all grown up – I have thought about working outside the home … Naaaaah!!! I like being a ‘stay at home’….especially now!!!! Hmmm…. What do I do all day? Whatever I want!!!!!!

    Loved the post.

    Sumayah

  • Hagar

    I feel like screaming sometimes, too.

    Thanks for the post!

  • kelly

    i do scream sometimes/a lot!! woo hoo!!

  • Maha

    It’s so true Susan. I’m finding that a stay-at-home mom (and a working mom too!) have to call upon so many abilities, so much fortitude and determination.

    Being a mother is such a character-building, challenging experience, alhamdulillah that Allah swt has blessed us with this task. But there is not as much validation and acknowledgment of the challenge.

  • kariman

    you made me smile susan. i think “stay at home” and “mom” shouldn’t be used together anymore–maybe we should start a movement:)

  • Yumna

    I never understood the whole “stay at home” thing either. I think “homemaker” is a more appropriate title for mothers like us.

    I read a book recently called, “Mommy Brain – How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter.” I didn’t even realize the numerous ways our brains are stretched as a mother. I mean who else but a mom can drive with screaming kids at the back, arrive at her destination in peace, and help manage a business! MashAllah Susan :)!

    You’re BUILDING a home. And by home I mean the one place in the world that makes you feel safe, loved, and comfortable. Without women like you..home would not exist.

  • Firdaus

    As-salam alikum,

    Actually they have a new name for the “stay at home mom”. You can actually put it on the resume and application for work. We are called “domesticated house keepers” I’m not sure if that is really much better, lol. It gives you credit for all those skills you get for staying at home and being the ring leader.

    I been both stay at home and the work force off and on for the past 19 years. and i like the stay at home too. I always hated not seeing my kids grow.


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