A sister posted this quote from the O website on another group.
“Parents who neglect to love themselves raise kids who don’t show themselves self-love, either. They don’t treat themselves the way you treat them. They treat themselves the way you treat you.”
This quote opened up a flood of emotions in me.
This was my response to her post:
I think that the single most important thing that we as mothers can do for our children is to give them a quiet sense of self-respect and self-worth. And in order to do that we have to feel that self-respect and self-worth within ourselves.
A few years ago I was sitting with a sister and she quite frankly told me, “You have low self esteem”. “Really?” “Me?” I had never given it any thought before (my self awareness was about a -1 on a scale of 10) but her comment forced me to start looking inward. I began to reflect on my behavior, thoughts, etc. and realized that she was right. But the most painful part of my new awareness was not that I had low self esteem but that I could see it reflected in my children. As you know nothing pains a mother’s heart more than knowing that she may have some how caused harm to her children. Al-Humdulilah.
So I started my own personal program of improving my self-respect and self-worth. How to do it is a big topic in itself but the thing that helped me the most was that I had a sister that believed in me- she saw my worth even though I couldn’t. She stuck with me through all my moments of self-doubt etc. and gave me the encouragement and positive feed back etc. that I wouldn’t give myself. She cared.
Al-Humdulilah I have made some progress on that never-ending road of personal development- my only sadness is that I didn’t have that self awareness when my children were young.- Al-
Humdulilah everything is from Allah (swt) .
So I guess I would like to say to you dear sisters:
If you haven’t started on the road of self discovery you need to begin now…..Just grab a sister and start walking. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids.
PS: This link has a lot of points to get started:
Here are some identifying characteristics of low self esteem: (from above site)
- Negative self-talk, such as, “I’m not worth other people’s time, so I
shouldn’t ask for help,” “I’m a failure,” or “I’ll never amount to anything.”
- Frequently apologizing, making self-doubting statements, or making
cruel comments about yourself that you wouldn’t make about someone else.
-Focusing on perceived flaws and weaknesses.
-Seeking constant reassurance from others and not feeling better even
with positive feedback.
-Refusing to accept compliments or denying positive comments you get.
-Tending to be a perfectionist who’s afraid of failure, which may
impair work or school performance.
Sumayah Guilford lives in Maryland and is the mother of three now grown, home-schooled children and three grandchildren. She enjoys reading and inspiring others in the areas of self-development, parenting, and creative activities for kids.