I hate it!

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Seriously.  How could I not have known that I was going to hate it?  When we were deciding whether or not to do this, we read a book about how to decide if you should homeschool.  There was a list of questions to help you think through the issues.  One of the questions was something like, “Do your children resist learning from you?”

Yes.  The answer is clearly yes.  And I knew it was yes.  But I kept thinking that when I really devoted myself to them, things would change.  When they could no longer sense that I would rather be somewhere else, they would love to learn from me.  That may still prove to be true.  But as of Day 1, I would rather be somewhere else.  Anywhere else.

When Zach found out that he would not be writing in his bible notebook, but would instead be narrating to us, telling us what he heard in the bible lesson for the day, he threw the book across the table, spilling coffee all over it.  Ezra wouldn’t sit up for more then 2 minutes at any point during the morning without a lot of “encouragement” by me.

I had chosen Hudson Taylor’s favorite hymm, I am resting, resting, as our first hymn because we are doing a unit on China.  The words seemed nice and I can’t read music.  So I had no idea that it’s a horrible, horrible song.  Not fun to sing.  Since the boys worship Jeff, I hoped he might inspire us to give it a try.  I asked him if he sang this as a child and if he liked it as a boy.  His reply: I liked it – a little bit. Which I’m sure was a lie.

Some cheery comments made by the boys this morning:

  • “These choices are boring.”
  • “When are we going to WRITE something?”
  • “Zach, quit answering for me!”
  • “Why can’t dad just play his guitar?”
  • “I don’t like this.”
  • “You’re about to lose your temper, right?”

While this may capture their lack of respect and our poor parenting in having raised such snotty kids, it doesn’t get at just how awful the entire morning was.  I was seething inside that they were ruining my perfect day, the one I stayed up until midnight to plan.  Not one activity was something I would consider successful.

The only real highlight of the day happened before we started.  When I came downstairs at eight, I greeted the boys with, “Good Morning!  Happy first day of homeschool!”

Zach: Thanks, Mom.

Ezra: And we don’t even need a tour!

Choice time is almost over and I am heading back into the fray.  Praying, praying for patience.

Tara

About Tara Edelschick

Right now, Tara is on sabbatical in Costa Rica. She is sleeping more, and exercising and flossing every day for the first time in her life. She is enjoying her husband, her boys, and Nafisa (the daughter she never had) more than she ever has. And she is learning to rest in the arms of the one who doesn't rank you based on how many things you can cross off your list at the end of the day. Follow her on Twitter@TaraWonders.

  • Cindi

    Homeschooling!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh! Good for you. And overwhelming it will be. Although it eases the pace of the day…getting up, getting ready, rushing off to school, pick-ups, packing lunches, and getting through homework, it will eat away at time for other duties…cooking, cleaning, down time — guard your affections. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, but it doesn’t have to suck away your life. Set up boundaries and acknowledge resources are limited. Mainly time. I’m here if you need me…I’m in my 9th year of advising homeschool families who go with a public charter. But there is plenty online from every perspective and philosophy of homeschooling.

    • tedelschick

      Thanks Cindi. When I can get my head above water, I'm sure I'll give you a call. Do you want to move to MA to homeschool my kids? We have an extra room.

  • Kristin

    Oh, Tara! I hope the day improved!! Hang in there.

  • Brenda

    Great "blog". Why it's not just a e-mail I don't know, but o.k. :0) Maybe I'll learn something too. Right now I am sooo glad that the county gets the pleasure of schooling my children. Not tomorrow though, my son has a fever and is throwing up.

  • Marianne

    We laughed out loudly at your comments. Don said, " Hang on, it's going to get worse!" I say, "Keep up the great work, and just keep planning." Praying for you all. marianne

  • Linda Souder

    I had neighbors who home schooled. I wondered how they did it also. The oldest might have been high school age. At first I thought it strange, how do they socialize. Than I found out they belong to a home schooling group and do group activities. Science etc. Plus it was a Christian group. Also they tested way above the public school kids. So that is a positive. If you don't kill them first.

  • Andrea Cohn

    When I called Zach last night and asked how his first day of homeschool was he replied, "Grrrrrreat! We did science and math and we go 15 minutes longer than Amigos." Or something like that. When I asked Ezra he said, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Typical.

  • Tiffany Lynette Ande

    no anguish, no anguish : )

  • Kristen

    Okay, so I'm supposed to leave a witty or funny remark, one that gives you a bit of fuel to keep going, right? Hmmm….so not my forte!

    Let me say instead that this post is sooooooo one of the reasons I love you Tara. You've been excited about this homeschooling thing for months. As usual, you've planned meticulously and put hours of thought into every aspect from supplies to curriculum.

    And then – when things all run amok – without any hesitation whatsoever, you call a spade a spade and say you hate it and think its going badly. Your bare honesty is lovely, and funny, and so refreshing. Even more so, because I know you'll rock this eventually!


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