Like most Christians, I have a testimony of God’s miraculous grace in my life. When I struggle with doubt, I rehearse that testimony again and again, reminding myself not to “doubt in the darkness what God had shown [me] in the light.” (You can read my story here.)
Sometimes, though, the darkness overtakes me. The Biblical story is absurd, I deride myself while staring at the stars. The vindictive god of the flood is not worthy of a cup of coffee let alone my worship, I convince myself when I hear stories of heartbreak and despair.
That’s when I decide to dip my toe back in the cool waters of disbelief, where I waded comfortably for the first thirty years of my life. I read Dawkins & Friends and troll the internet for atheist bloggers, wondering if they’ve come up with new arguments. But the longer I spend with them, the quicker I pull my toe back into the Jordan. Because no matter how crazy my story sounds to me, theirs now sound crazier still. That’s no argument for the truth of my story; but it reminds me that all our stories require faith. And mine is still in Jesus.
This post is part of a Patheos “Why I am a…” Blogger Challenge. They invited all of the site’s contributors to respond to the challenge by writing a post on why they follow their particular faith in 200 words or less. This was my entry. Check back later and I’ll link to the rest.