What do you think?

Carolyn Hax was sent this note.

How would you respond? I disagree with her substantively.

Dear Carolyn:

I just found out my husband of 12 years has been texting a female co-worker in and out of work. I found out quite by accident. They were joking about the football pool. When I told him I don’t think that’s appropriate, he said I’m being ridiculous and he would have no problem with me texting other guys. I’m not a prude by any stretch, and I don’t think I’ve ever been called ridiculous, so should I lighten up and get some texting buddies or what?

Her response:

If I’ve argued in a sufficient number of circles, then we’re ready for the advice: Don’t read his texts, read your own marriage. If he’s loving and present, then that’s the whole point. Don’t lose it amid texting forensics.

If he’s not loving and present, then don’t lose that point in the texting drama, either. Instead, figure out why you’re not the person he’s texting for grins. Presumably you used to be attentive to each other, playful, engaged in a way beyond diamonds. Where that has gone and what you can do to re-engage him are the questions you’ll need to face.