Are Singles in the Church Family?

From Claire Bonner, in Mutuality (Autumn, 2014): 15-17. Mutuality is a publication of the Christians for Biblical Equality. Follow @CBEInt and cbe.today/blog and facebook.com/christiansforbiblicalequality.

I became curious about how single adults were being cared for in the [complementarian] church and began studying the issue. My assumptions were immediately challenged. Because most people in my generation at church are married, I had thought single adults were a minority. I was surprised to learn that within Western populations, there is a steady increase in unmarried adults and one-person households. Many variables can account for this change, but the reality is that this is an expanding demographic. Yet, relatively few single adults are involved in churches. …

How is the church seeking to understand and respond to this reality? Do our teachings lead to practices that affirm singles in their lives and callings? Or do we isolate and exclude them, as my friend had experienced? …

Single adults are diverse, unique individuals, and the participants interviewed had differing ideas, opinions, and experiences. But their experiences have several features in common
, summarized below.

1. Single adults receive little pastoral care. …

2. Single adults’ needs are not understood….

3. Church demographic divisions leave single adults out….

4. Single adults find the church a challenging place to cultivate friendships across genders….

5. Single adults feel that their lives are not perceived to be as significant as married lives….

My overall observation is that single adults, like anyone else, need a nurturing family environment. Where traditional families have this support at home, singles often don’t. They may live alone or with other single adults, each with their own lives. Some live far from their biological families. This makes it all the more important for the church to affirm and include single adults as part of the church family.

Jesus knew his disciples were his true family (Matt. 12:47-50), and all Christians are part of this family. But single adults often don’t experience the church as the loving and caring spiritual family it should be….

The complementarian churches of the single adults I interviewed reflect complementarian theology, placing emphasis on fulfilling marriage-based gender roles in the Christian life, and not knowing what to do with single adults. But would the responses of single adults be different at egalitarian churches? …

So, I issue a challenge to egalitarian churches: ask your single adults for honest reflections on their experience in the church. And really listen to them.