trudging along

I can’t say I’ve made any great spiritual progress this week, but a leaky roof and squirrels in the attic have kept me out of bed. Sometimes focusing on putting one mundane foot in front of the other is all I can do… but sometimes it’s enough.

I need to re-read my own blog entries. I’m upset because I’m not having the religious experiences I want to have and because my beliefs aren’t strong enough to answer all my internal second-guessing. So the answer is what’s shown on my nice little diagram below (I say it’s mine – I honestly can’t remember whether I thought that up or whether I saw it somewhere and copied it). I need to keep reading, studying, praying, meditating, and practicing.

I also need to understand that becoming who and what I want to be will require change – and change is usually difficult and frequently painful. That’s the message of the Second Degree: go down to the place of wisdom; cast off what you do not need.

I’ve been through the Second Degree three times already (once in ritual and twice in the mundane world), but since I’m not where I need/want to be, perhaps I need to go through it again. Each time I came out changed, and I need to change and be changed once again.

Maybe I can’t create the opportunities I want. But I can put myself in a position where I’ll recognize opportunities when they present themselves, and where I’ll be able to respond appropriately when they do.