Woody Woodpecker Turns Manic Attack Bird, Pt. 3

One of the things I learned from sitting around in the forest sucking on beef jerky and “racing” banana slugs (I’d pair them up, say “Go!”, and then watch them act like the under-motivated slabs of yellow, antenna-sporting goo they were), was that little birds protect other little birds from big birds.

Here, I learned, is how it works. Most birds are about the same size: jays, mockingbirds, starlings, blackbirds, rockin’ robins. And then you have littler ones–sparrows, finches bushtits (what was somebody thinking?), and the like. All of these sorts of birds are in the same … birdy class. They’re just … birds.

And then, in an uneasy cohabitation with those birds, are Big Birds: Hawks, ravens … various raptor-types. But mostly hawks, in the daytime. (And then at night the fat, amazingly deft predators that are owls.)

What I learned in my many days as Paul Bunions the Orphan Boy is that all the little and medium sized birds help each other defend against the bigger birds. How it works is this: a big bird–a red-tailed hawk, for instance–will start taking some sort of interest in, say, the nest, or nesting tree, of a smaller bird. And that (I found) will usually happen when the owner of that nest is off doing whatever it is birds do when they’re not at home protecting their nests.

So you’ll see a hawk kind of cruise by a tree–and hey, something catches his attention. So he’ll wheel back around, and start eyeballing his Point of Potential Interest. And if that hawk in any way signals that he really is interested in whatever’s he’s seen in that tree, and there’s any chance that that interest might ultimately prove detrimental to the life of a normal, smaller-type bird, then this whole amazing, interspecies, instantly-miles-covering Bird Alarm System totally kicks in.

Does everyone in the world already know this? Is this boring? I found it Beyond Fascinating–but I was basically a high-school dropout (well, sort of: more on that later, maybe, sadly enough for you) who barely knew a tree from a tetherball pole.

If everyone already does know about the whole Bird Alarm System, someone write me and tell me so. Either way, though, I guess, I’ll continue on tomorrow.

Because believe me, that alarm system doesn’t just work to tell birds when another bird is messing with their nest.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://www.johnshorebooks.com johnshore

    So people DO know about the BAS. Well, you do, anyway. I wonder if it's Common Knowledge, or what? Well, I'll continue with the story anyway. It was so … weird.

    I have no idea if humor's taught, or what. I know everyone thinks they're funny–which is really interesting. I feel really lucky in the humor department, insofar as a LOT of stuff cracks me up, all the time. So for me it makes life really good that way. It makes life extremely entertaining. Which is such a rich blessing.

  • April

    I know about the Bird Alarm System!!! (And you thought you were all alone.) But please continue anyway!

    I just finished ‘Manic Attack, pt 3′.

    Your humor reminds me of someone.

    Hmmm… maybe it’s cuz I’m a former non-Christian myself? Yep, and I love it!

    Do you think that humor is in our bones or is it taught? ;)

    Sitting on my seat,

    April

  • cat rennolds

    I know about the Bird Alarm System. I also know how to say “cat” in mockingbird, cardinal, chipmunk, and squirrel. But it isn’t polite.

    Just havin’ some fun reading this great book, “The Whole John Shore Blog.” I figured maybe it would make more sense sequentially.:)

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

      About #5 on my list right now is coming back here and rewriting this whole series. It actually means a lot to me, but i wrote it much too quickly—and some four years ago, at least; I’m a MUCH better writer now than I was four years ago. So it actually kind of makes me cringe that you or anyone else is reading this, since I haven’t FIXED it yet. But … anyway. There it is. Thanks!


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