Archives for June 2008

Why A Book Proposal Is Everything

If you’re just joining us, see How To Write A Book Proposal, Part 1. Even though this post should be called, “How To Write A Book Proposal, Part 2,” I changed it to, “Why A Book Proposal Is Everything,” because … well, because “why?” most naturally comes before “how”? Sorry for not thinking of that sooner. [Read More…]

A bit about book proposals

I just finished and sent to my agent a book proposal. So now I have book proposals on my mind. How fascinating, I know. Actually, because I am a very famous writer known far and wide throughout my apartment complex, people very often ask me why I’m staring into their window how to do a [Read More…]

To Sex and Power, Add Constancy

I believe the most consistantly compelling motivation, the most determining factor in the human experience, is the fear of death. The core, most primary thing we know about being alive is that somewhere along the line we won’t be anymore. Everything we are, do, think and feel is necessarily founded upon and grounded within the terrible, brutal fact that we [Read More…]

I’m Green Like Kermit

  My Hero I used to be a broke underachiever. Thank God those days are over. Now, instead, I’m green like Kermit. I drive an old Ford Focus that I never wash or change the oil in. Whereas before this meant I was monetarily challenged and adverse to effort, now it means I’m a dedicated environmentalist. I’ve always lived [Read More…]

I Just Made (At 50) My First Offer Ever On A House

I’ve never owned a home. I’ve never really had any money to speak of, and there seems to be some sort of connection between the two. Plus, I hate yard work. When I was a kid, my dad was forever making me do yard work. I hated it so much that I swore one day I’d [Read More…]

What McCain Supporters Look Like To Obama

Ineffectually threatening. Operates underground. Totally blind. Slings mud. Grabby. Extremely uncuddly. Probably the result of inbreeding. (This, by the way, is a star-nosed mole. They can smell underwater, are impervious to weather, and are the fastest-eating mammals on the planet. Be afraid. Photo [and article here] by the great Kenneth Catania.) Related posts: What Obama Supporters Look [Read More…]

First Germany. Then Korea. Now PAKISTAN!

Remember my New Year’s Resolution to finally take over the world? (If not, see New Year’s Resolution #1: Take Over World.) You may have scoffed at my ambitions. Well, scoff while you can, monkey-person! Because while you’ve been lolling about, eating pizza, surfing the web, and wondering what the word “loll” actually means, I’ve been [Read More…]

More Fun With Animals: What Obama’s Supporters Look Like To McCain

Moronically loyal. Dreadlocked. Blind. Prone to fleas. High maintenance. Hot. (Thanks, Jon Gilbert!) See also: And Finally: What McCain Supporters Look Like To Obama,  How John McCain Sees Barack Obama, How Barack Obama Sees John McCain, What Hillary Looks Like in Obama’s Dreams, What Obama Looks Like In Hillary’s Dreams. [Read more…]

How John McCain Sees Barack Obama

The above is a picture of: A. How John Mcain Sees Barack Obama: lightweight, disconcertingly cute, easily squashable, just a shade too pale B. The most adorable little thing ever to eat its way through your intestines C. An axolotl, the best-known of the Mexican neotenic mole salamanders D. Your brain on drugs Related (as in Just [Read More…]

Happy Father’s Day! Or Not.

I’m not anti-Father’s Day, or anything like that. And (of course — what with having been born of one and all), I’m hardly anti-fathers.  My own father isn’t a bad guy. He’s never meant anyone any harm (and that’s actually Saying Something, isn’t it?) He worked hard every day to keep his family clothed, sheltered, [Read More…]