No Glop Sacks in Church; Classroom Bulletins; Remember Dittos?

Okay, enough with the loosening up. (Um … that will make no sense if you haven’ read my last two posts, Pastors and Other Christian Leaders: Loosen Up, Before It’s Too Late! and Let Your Christian Leader LoosenUp–Before It’s Too Late! And even then.) After all, we don’t want everybody slipping and sliding out of their pews like so many sacks of glop.

What we’re supposed to do in church is sit up straight, and listen. Just like we were supposed to do back in school. But with a bulletin.

Wouldn’t it have been cool to have gotten a bulletin every day before school started? Walk in your classroom door, and one of the other kids, in a tie, hands you a bulletin, and as soon as you sit at your desk you start perusing it so you’ll be up on what’s happening that day in class.

“Mrs. Wright would appreciate it if during math lessons Kenneth and Muriel would stop pretending to flick boogers at each other. Mrs. Wright is not stupid, you know. She can see you.” Or, “Today during lunch recess the first meeting of the Junior Scientists will be held. Members (you know who you are!) still need to pick a place to meet where future Bullies of America (you don’t know who you are—which is part of the problem!) won’t be able to find them. Soft Morse-code tapping on desks will be allowed in class today from 10 to 11:30 a.m.”

While we never got bulletins in class, when I was a kid we did get mimeographed “dittos.” Does anybody remember dittos? With the fuzzy blue print? And sometimes you’d get them, and they’d be wet still, and the ink stuff on them would be emitting those waves of fumes that totally encouraged you to become a drug addict?

Ah, school. It sure did prepare us for … something or other, didn’t it?

 

Related post o’ mine: Life. Death. Pretending You’re a Crosswalk Guard.

 

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com skerrib

    Dittos! I miss that calming purple-blue (periwinkle??). One time in 4th grade the teacher had everyone teach a social studies chapter, and for my chapter I got to make a ditto worksheet myself. Carbon paper's tricky stuff. Only one shot to get it right, or you have to start over! I'm glad we have backspace & spell-check now.

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com skerrib

    Oh and if I ever get back into teaching I'm TOTALLY going to do bulletins. Maybe not daily, but man what a fantastic idea.

  • Mark Lattimore

    Copiers…all of the function of mimeograph machines, none of the character.

  • Latoya

    Ok..now I'm gonna go google wat ditto is, cuz I really dont know (Maybe I'm too young to know)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Latoya: You are.

  • Arnette

    I remember I got to actually RUN the mimeograph machine once…talk about a REAL high! That's prolly why I have no need to do drugs now. I got enough in my system for a lifetime back then. Oh boy, and that carbon paper…our church still HAS some carbon paper so don't talk too loud. They'll make me go back to using it until I use it up.

  • http://angelbearoh.wordpress.com angelbearoh

    Naw! I won't ever miss dittoes. I like the day and age in which we're living now, where every man has a printing press in the form of his Internet service. Including such niceties as Personal Webspace, which I use for general farting around. It's where I do my freewriting to see what kind of stuff finally gets into my blog.

  • http://mrhackman.blogspot.com Andrew

    I can't remember what the ditto sheets smelled like!!! I think if I smelled it, all of my suppressed Elementary memories would come flooding back.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    It's too bad. But, clearly, you were one of the kids who ate paste.

  • Judy

    I KNEW you were a rapscallion! Because, you still are. Of the nicest kind, of course.

  • Lynn

    Ah yes…dittos (so that's what they were called?); carbon paper-what a hassle that was; eating paste-nada-but it sure smelled good; flipping burgers, I mean flicking boogers-you only "pretended" to do that? You got sent to another school? No way.

  • http://wineymomma.wordpress.com wineymomma

    I was a student aid for the social studies department for 2 years…man I miss the smell of a good old ditto…if churches printed bulletins on dittos people might just slide out of the pews like so much glop…

    on the subject of a bulletin I wish I could get one of those at the start of every day…it might make things flow a bit more smoothly!

  • Judy

    “Mrs. Wright would appreciate it if during math lessons Kenneth and Muriel would stop pretending to flick boogers at each other.”

    Tell me if I’m wrong, but Kenneth is really John. :)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    You honestly ARE wrong. About all I cared about in school was … well, not being so bored I wanted to jam my nose into the pencil sharpener. But mostly my whole thing (and of course they’re connected) was being funny. Pretending to flick boogers just … wouldn’t be funny enough, frankly. Too crude, man. Too amatuer. I was into … well, maybe I should blog about THAT sometime. Looking back, I’m … well, not surprised that I got sent to another school, frankly.

  • http://anziulewicz.livejournal.com Chuck Anziulewicz

    I love the smell of mimeograph fluid in the morning.


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