Okay, enough with the loosening up. (Um … that will make no sense if you haven’ read my last two posts, Pastors and Other Christian Leaders: Loosen Up, Before It’s Too Late! and Let Your Christian Leader LoosenUp–Before It’s Too Late! And even then.) After all, we don’t want everybody slipping and sliding out of their pews like so many sacks of glop.
What we’re supposed to do in church is sit up straight, and listen. Just like we were supposed to do back in school. But with a bulletin.
Wouldn’t it have been cool to have gotten a bulletin every day before school started? Walk in your classroom door, and one of the other kids, in a tie, hands you a bulletin, and as soon as you sit at your desk you start perusing it so you’ll be up on what’s happening that day in class.
“Mrs. Wright would appreciate it if during math lessons Kenneth and Muriel would stop pretending to flick boogers at each other. Mrs. Wright is not stupid, you know. She can see you.” Or, “Today during lunch recess the first meeting of the Junior Scientists will be held. Members (you know who you are!) still need to pick a place to meet where future Bullies of America (you don’t know who you are—which is part of the problem!) won’t be able to find them. Soft Morse-code tapping on desks will be allowed in class today from 10 to 11:30 a.m.”
While we never got bulletins in class, when I was a kid we did get mimeographed “dittos.” Does anybody remember dittos? With the fuzzy blue print? And sometimes you’d get them, and they’d be wet still, and the ink stuff on them would be emitting those waves of fumes that totally encouraged you to become a drug addict?
Ah, school. It sure did prepare us for … something or other, didn’t it?
Related post o’ mine: Life. Death. Pretending You’re a Crosswalk Guard.
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