Top 10 Signs I Might Be Gay

1. If while talking I was ever forced to sit on my hands, it’s a certainty that within one minute I’d dislocate at least one of my shoulders.

2. I think Judy Garland is the greatest female singer in the history of women breaking the heart of the universe with the raw emotionalism and stunning animal prowess of their voice.

3. I am pro-interior decorating. “Want a New Life? Rearrange Your Furniture.” That’s my motto.

4. The only televised sport I watch with any avidity is tennis.

5. I love live theater.

6. I make my coffee with a French press.

7. I greatly enjoy the whole country-western dancing scene.

8. As a kid, I used to always cut my sister’s hair. Sure, she invariably ended up looking like she’d been mauled by Edward Scissorsspaz. Still. Doing people’s hair is not exactly Ramboish.

9. I love bonding with other men.

10. While just like anyone else I can delight in the over-the-top, super-gay portrayal of such characters as Jack from “Will & Grace” and Marc from “Ugly Betty,” I’m also sensitive to the media making it too easy to laugh at or make sport of an entire population whose members, just like anyone else, would prefer not to be known primarily for their entertainment value, and who instead most desire that their sexual orientation be understood as no more indicative of who they really are than is the cut of their hair or the color of their skin.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is co-founder of The NALT Christians Project and founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here). His blog is here. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com skerrib

    You present a compelling case. Very compelling.

  • http://www.1truebeliever.wordpress.com wickle

    Line dancing? I don't think that line dancing is a sign of gay-ness.

    Other than that, well, never mind.

  • http://megaloi.blogspot.com Redlefty

    Faaaaabulous!

  • http://anziulewicz.livejournal.com Chuck Anziulewicz

    Your honorary Gay Card is in the mail … but with caveats:

    Judy Garland? Maybe if you were a Gay man back in the 1960s!

    Rearranging the furniture? Puh-leeze. Get back to me when you can do a good window treatment.

    Watching tennis? Feh. The true test of Gayness is being a fan of professional wrestling. That and figure skating.

    Preferring French press to drip coffeemaking doesn't make you Gay. It makes you a fop.

    And country-western line dancing is most certainly NOT Gay. Now if you got together with seven male friends for SQUARE DANCING, that most certainly WOULD be.

    • soulmentor

      Judy Garland…well ok, but you’re dating yourself. Now Barbara Streisand would be a more contemporary choice, but even she’s passe. Now it’s Lady Gaga. Get with it, dude.

    • DR

      I sense the square dance might go something like this:

      "Grab your partner, dance him 'round the hall.
      Now sing a song from 'Guys and Dolls'.
      Blondes yell 'haw!'. Balds yell 'hee!"
      Now John Shore, dance like you're in Glee!"

  • http://www.mediocrity.us David Barach

    I always thought of you as more of a faux-mo, but wow. I mean, WOW!

  • http://www.germworks.net Jermayn

    We will pray for you :lol:

  • Nathan

    The sweet ringings of De Profundis!

  • Rich

    The true test is whether or not you enjoy rearranging your furniture to not only view the tennis match better, but to also allow room enough all your male friends from the local theatre group to join you in line dancing to Judy Garland's Greatest Hits during set breaks.

  • http://odgie.wordpress.com odgie

    The country-western line dancing may raise questions about your musical taste, but not your orientation.

  • tavdy

    "Watching tennis? Feh. The true test of Gayness is being a fan of professional wrestling. That and figure skating. – Chuck Anziulewicz

    In the UK, the real test of a gay man is being a rugby fan – why would any self-respecting gay guy want some 50% plastic

    barely-pubescent soccer princess when all the real men – the ones with the best ball-control, built physiques and sexiest "war-scars" – are playing rugby? You wouldn't worry about breaking Sean Lamont or Nick Youngquest; David Beckham or Freddie Ljungberg on the other hand…

    ;-)

  • Latoya

    DWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    These comments are all too funny. Extremely good stuff here.

  • http://suddenlyatheist.wordpress.com/ morsec0de

    I smell a SuddenlyHomosexual blog coming up…

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh. You. Must. Stop.

  • http://angelbearoh.wordpress.com angelbearoh

    5. I love the theater. I simply can’t look away from people in costumes and make-up seriously pretending to be people they’re not.

    Then you, sir, would love a furry convention! I’ve seen a few of those and have been highly entertained by them.

  • http://www.retrodan2002@yahoo.com daniel

    john, it's good that you are doing well. Merry Christmas!! Tell your brother i said hello, and he better give me a call. Where is chris wecke and his brother at? i am glad you r writing because u have have so much to offer.

  • http://anziulewicz.livejournal.com Chuck Anziulewicz

    In the UK, the real test of a gay man is being a rugby fan. -AngelBearOH

    Oooohh, I forgot about rugby. Yes, you are absolutely right. In fact it seems that Gay men in the U.S. have more rugby teams than any other sport. You're right, it is VERY sexy sort of camraderie.

  • Robert Meek

    As a gay man, I say……..

    2. I think Judy Garland is the greatest female singer in the history of women breaking the heart of the universe with the raw emotionalism and stunning animal prowess of their voice.

    NOPE – That should be Julie Andrews, sir.

    3. I am pro-interior decorating. If you want a new life, rearrange your furniture. That’s my motto.

    NOPE – I always run into things in the dark then, going to the bathroom, and injure my legs, even get a broken toe from same.

    4. The only televised sport I watch with any avidity is tennis.

    NOPE – Any swimming contest. Enough said.

    6. When it comes to coffee, a drip or percolating machine is too crude for me. I prefer a French press, thank you very much.

    YES but, I like French press, but too lazy. Percolator is fine enough for me – reminds me of my childhood, and my late mama.

    7. I greatly enjoy the whole country-western dancing scene. The flashy boots. The tight tee-shirts. The outsized hats. The humongous, glowing, eight-pound belt buckles. Please.

    UGH, no! Tina Tuner, Aretha Franklin, George Michael.

    10. While just like anyone else I can delight in the over-the-top, super-gay portrayal of such characters as Jack from “Will & Grace” and Marc from “Ugly Betty,” I’m also wary of the media making it too easy to laugh at or make sport of an entire population whose members, just like anyone else, would prefer not to be known primarily for their entertainment value, and who instead most desire that their sexual orientation be understood as no more indicative of who they are than is the cut of their hair or the color of their skin.

    NOPE – Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and The Bird Cage, movies, come to mind as my choices to enjoy. True that "… most desire that their sexual orientation be understood as no more indicative of who they are than is the cut of their hair or the color of their skin," … but when you consider the alternative.

    Let's think about how long Blacks had to see only whites in TV commercials, and most programming, unless they were relegated to subservient roles as maids, etc. Let's think about how long gays saw nothing on TV about themselves at all. The fact that a major straight TV actor can play "Will" as a gay man and come out of it without damage to his career shows significant progress, indeed. So, there is much more to this latter issue than meets the eye.

  • Bill

    Hmmm…..you do seem to bring up the subject a lot. Just sayin.

    That said, it sure is nice that someone does. Your blog and its comments is ummm….fabulously enlightening!! Keep up the good work.

  • denver

    I think #1 makes you more Italian or New Yorker than it does gay! XD

    And country western dancing? No, honey, I live in frikkin' Denver, and I promise you, that is NOT where the gay guys (or gals) are at. Though we do have a gay bar called JR's, which sounds very country western…

  • DR

    These comments. No words.

  • Kim

    Eh, I'm not convinced. Like Coldplay? Got any FABULOUS window treatments? Do Cher or Celine float your boat?

  • Kim

    And…do you like movies about gladiators?

    • soulmentor

      I do. Especially STARZ "Blood and Sand". Very realistic and they weren't afraid to show em nude….frontal!!! My kinda movie. GRRRRRRRRRR.

  • John Ginn

    So I'm gay. I'm not a homosexual person.

  • http://www.modernfurniture4home.com/ Contemporary Furniture

    All information posted here are correct.

  • Dennis Dawson

    1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 9…geez, now you’re making me wonder about me…

    • Anonymous

      NOW you’re wondering about you? You must not have known anyone in high school who knew you. (Readers: I went to high school with DD.)

  • Emily

    i think im gay but im 10!