Women in Bad Relationships: Eve’s Curse Isn’t Yours

(Update: All the posts of this series have been collected into one piece, Seven Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships, and How to Defeat Each One of Them.)

It’s now time to write about the third reason I listed for why women stay in bad relationships, which is that it can be so embarrassing to have a relationship to which you’ve been long committed go publicly down in flames.

Before getting to that, though, I want to address something that’s come up via some letters I’ve lately received from women in bad relationships.

Many of these letters communicated this: “I know I should get out of the bad relationship I’m in—but right now I’m just not strong enough to make the break. For reasons I’m helpless to understand, I’m still too emotionally tied to this man that I know is no good for me.”

So I want to say this: Bad men thrive on exactly that kind of muddled need. They willfully, purposefully, and methodically create it in their women. They do it by just often enough making sure to be just sweet enough—just thoughtful enough, just kind enough, just boyishly winning enough—to keep their women believing in the possibility that they’ll change.

When in the Bible God banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, he curses Eve by saying to her: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” The translation of The Message makes the meaning of this quote even clearer: “You’ll want to please your husband, but he’ll lord it over you.”

Whether you believe in the Bible or not, that line perfectly describes the curse under which so many women spend such wretched lives: for reasons they cannot comprehend or control, they continue, against all reason, trying to please their man.

And if such a woman’s man is bad, he will use this weakness against her, the way a farmer uses a dangling carrot on a stick to entice his beast of burden to service his will.

I’ve got to run just now, so more on this tomorrow. But if you’re a woman “stuck” in a bad relationship, remember: that may have been Eve’s curse, but it doesn’t need to be yours. Think about your man. He knows what he’s doing. He likes making you wriggle on the hook of the hope he teases you with. It gives him power. But do you really think your purpose on earth is to be nothing more than the means by which a weak man pumps himself up?

Please forward this to anyone you think it might help.

Related post o’ mine: Surprise (Or Not)! Men Are Spoiled!

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter. If you shop at Amazon, help support John by entering the site through this link right here--Amazon will then send John 3-4% of the cost of anything you buy before exiting the site again.

 

  • http://www.Casting-Nets.com Susie Shoman

    One of the first questions I will ask Eve when I get to heaven is "why?". "Why did you go and do such a thing?" Of course I know the answer. But perhaps you have a couple of questions you would ask God. Check out my blog at http://www.casting-nets.com. I look forward to reading your questions! Susie

  • Ame

    I see it as bad parenting.When female children are growing up,they constantly here “women need love!” Even though all humans both male and female need love equally,there is still this stupid myth that women need love more,which is not true.

    Religion doesn’t help any especially Christianity since in the Bible it’s only mentioned “husbands love your wives” This order sets women up to believe women need love more than men.

    Women NEED to have their own money and forget any relationship that is bad.

    Women have to stop believiing this nonsense and simply LEAVE bad relationships.Get help from a good friend.Family doesn’t always helped bcause they might be as brainwashed as the women fleeing a bad relationship is.A friend or non religious women’s shelter can help a woman get away from a situation that is abusive.

    Women need to be a full adult and know they can stand on their own.When they are independent,they will have an equal relationship but please work on self first.Stop thinking romantic nonsense and better yourself,

    Also women need to be their own HERO.Stop making men the hero to save you.STAND ON YOUR OWN and you will attract someone you can have an EQUAL relationship with.

  • Ame

    There is no curse.Women are free to think for themselves.Get out of the bondage of this mske believe curse and women will be able to LEAVE any jerk.


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