As this morning I reflect back upon the Culture and Cuisine-a-thon to which, with such gleeful abandon, my wife and I last night gave ourselves over, I cannot help but be cognizant of the fact that herein and at this moment I have adapted as mine own the prose style of an 18th-century fop.
Why would that be? I’m drinking out of a four-gallon coffee cup I bought at a thrift-store that has a huge chip out of its lip, and is adorned with an illustration that only a spastic could have painted, of what appears to be a cat-pig wearing a toupee and getting crushed by a fence.
Who am I to suddenly become Robespierre?
Then again, last night I did go out to a mighty fancy dinner (at this place) and to see this production of “Working” by Studs “Nya-Nya, My Name’s Better Than Yours” Terkel. (Warning: both links lead to oddly boring web pages.) So perhaps I’m just feeling all culturey.
Ah, the meal. What gastronomical gas astronomy food! As I merrily masticated through the masterpieces set before me, I couldn’t help but think that our smiling, super-helpful waiter was continuously staring at my bald spot. The nerve! I showed him, though. When he was off daring to help someone else, I went to the hostess station, asked for a Sharpie, and then went in the bathroom and wrote “STOP STARING!” on my bald spot. The problem, I realized later, was that I’d written it while looking in the mirror, so that it came out “!GNIRATS POTS!” And I’m sure he was too stupid to realize that I would have written that in the bathroom mirror. Serves him right. I was glad to see that look of confusion on his face.
The play was fantastic. There was lots of singing in it. At first this confused me, but eventually I figured out that it was a musical. Sweet! I love to sing along with musicals. I didn’t know the words to all the songs in this one—in fact, I didn’t know any of them. But I sure didn’t let that stop me from robustly trying to sing along anyway. Actors in musicals love it when members of the audience do that. It helps them feel like the audience is really into the show. Awfully enough, last night’s audience wasn’t into the show at all, I guess. I was the only one at least trying to sing along. Everyone else just sat there like a lump. Losers. I sang all the louder for their silence—but, alas, there was only so much I could do.
Hey! Wife awakens! Good-bye for now!