Plants. Coma. Pretty Pots. Coma.

If on this Monday morning you are feeling particularly uninspired and listless, I can help! Namely, I can help you slip directly into a full-fledged coma. (If “fledge” a word? “Hey! I found my lost fledge!” “I don’t want to go out today; I’m feeling all fledgy.” “I fledge alliegence to the flag ….” So clearly it’s not a word. Good to know.)

But wouldn’t a coma right about now be nice? No more straining not to kill your co-workers. No more wondering what evil genius fixed all the clocks in your office so their second hands move but their minute hands don’t. No more pretending your boss is capable of having any idea at all, much less a good one.

Wanna escape it all? Then read on!

Yesterday my wife and I spent the day on the patio of our townhouse, potting plants. Isn’t that great?

Here’s one view of the fruits of our labors:

wallocacti

Aren’t the plants pretty? See how some of them are cactuses cacties cactii desertish? And aren’t the pots they’re in pretty? Some of them are quite colorful.

Here’s another view of our patio:

ac

Isn’t that nice? See how some of the plants are on stands? That makes them taller. And see the air conditioning unit behind the plants? It’s a pretty color, too. That’s nice.

Here is another view of our patio:

100_0853

The plant closest to you is a coffee plant. It doesn’t grow coffee beans, though. I guess it’s a … decaf coffee plant.

That plant will not help you wake up.

And now neither will anything else. Maybe ever.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://angelbearoh.wordpress.com angelbearoh

    I don't understand. How does this make for a good coma?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Well, see, the JOKE, see—the funny part—is that reading about and looking at pictures of plants on people's patios is so excruciatingly dull that it induces comas.

    Sort of like how it feels when you're listening to someone explain a joke. Or explaining one yoursssssssssssssssssssseeeeellfffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….zz.z..z.z…..

  • http://www.davisw.wordpress.com Davis

    I do believe a nice little coma would go a long way right now

  • http://emphaticasterisk.com Lindsey

    HEHEHE.

    I'm an avid gardener, so I actually find this sort of thing FASCINATING. Tell me how many cylinders a car has, on the other hand, and you'll need to inject adrenaline straight into my chest cavity to prevent permanent damage.

    • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

      You know, I'm actually MAD (um … as in joyously appreciative) about the plants we dealt with out there yesterday. I just ASSUMED anyone but … well, me and my wife would be bored by it. But I loved it. And it looks so great out there.

  • Judy

    Your patio and plants envigorate me. They are very beautiful. I'm not bored at all. Now that my senses have been stimulated, I'll need Unisom to get to sleep. I should have waited to read this in the morning. ;)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    So that's THREE votes—or two, for sure—for the idea that my/our plants AREN'T boring.

    Hey, man. Don't make me post a photoshoot of our whole home. Cuz I'll do it.

    Oh, I'll do it.

  • daughertymw

    I guess I am a terribly boring person because I LOVE this stuff! I will look at the plants on your patio any old time. In fact, I am about to post my garden on Facebook so I can bore all of my friends who care to look. (I am going to call the album "How My Garden Grows" – so cute, right?) And I plan to go on and on about Bee Balm and Bronze Fennel and, well zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

      Ha! I love this. Thank you.

  • Stuart

    My slight dyslexisness, (that should be a word), kicked in and I could not work out what plants had to do with punctuation!


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