Welcome to “The John Shore Show,” with Tonight’s Special Guest, Death.

(Last night, having fallen asleep while worrying about my wife having cancer, I dreamed I was a big deal television talk show host, and that my guest that night was Death.)

Me: Welcome to the show.

Death: Thanks! It’s great to be here.

Me: I hate you.

Death: Excuse me?

Me: I mean, I hate you haven’t made a movie in so long. I guess you’ve got one out now, though. What’s it called? “Annie Hell”? “Singing in the Pain”? “Guess Who’s Not Coming to Dinner”?

Death: I don’t have a movie out.

Me: “The Flim-Flam Man”?

Death: I don’t have a movie out.

Me: You don’t?

Death: No.

Me: Then why are you here? Don’t tell me you finally wrote a book of your own.

Death: Nope. The reason I’m here is because you invited me here.

Me: Whoa—whoa there, Reapster. I didn’t invite you here. I don’t like you. I don’t like your work. I never have.

Death: But this is your show. Why would I be here if you didn’t invite me?

Me: I have no idea.

Death: I guess your sponsors invited me.

Me: No. My sponsors don’t run this show. I run this show.

Death: Oh, come on. I think we both know better than that.

Me (standing): Get out. There’s been a terrible mistake. I want you off this show. This is a happy show. This is a show about making people feel good. It’s about having fun. You don’t belong here. Get out.

Death: But my segment isn’t over.

Me: Yes it is. Good-bye.

Death: I’m sorry, John. Really, I am. But I’m afraid I just haven’t done yet what I came here to do.

Me: Get out! Get off my stage! Leave this building! You’re not welcomed here! You have no business here! Go away!

(Death remains placidly gazing out toward the audience. My in-house band begins playing, softly at first, and then increasingly loud, until I can’t even hear myself screaming. Though I’m unaware of it, we cut to commercial.)

About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter. If you shop at Amazon, help support John by entering the site through this link right here--Amazon will then send John 3-4% of the cost of anything you buy before exiting the site again.

 

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    He may not have had a good movie in a while but Death absolutely killed in the Bill and Ted sequel.

  • http://megaloi.blogspot.com Redlefty (Michael)

    It's been a weird dream week for a lot of people I know. Hopefully it all means nothing.

  • http://www.aelc.edu.au/the-naked-ape-blog/index.html Nathan

    That is the saddest post I've ever read of yours John. And you touch my heart frequently.

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    To quote BOC; 'Dont fear the reaper…'

    ((((hugs))))

  • http://frommaryspen.blogspot.com/ Mary

    Geez John… I hope this dream is long forgotten (I see this is an old post)

    I suppose we do invite Death in, don't we? Praise God for his redemption.

    Rejoicing in the day,

    -Mary

    • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

      This is one of quite a few posts I did during a time when it looked like my wife might have pretty bad cancer. (Turns out she didn't. Yay!)


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