Welcome to “The John Shore Show,” with Tonight’s Special Guest, Death.

(Last night, having fallen asleep while worrying about my wife having cancer, I dreamed I was a big deal television talk show host, and that my guest that night was Death.)

Me: Welcome to the show.

Death: Thanks! It’s great to be here.

Me: I hate you.

Death: Excuse me?

Me: I mean, I hate you haven’t made a movie in so long. I guess you’ve got one out now, though. What’s it called? “Annie Hell”? “Singing in the Pain”? “Guess Who’s Not Coming to Dinner”?

Death: I don’t have a movie out.

Me: “The Flim-Flam Man”?

Death: I don’t have a movie out.

Me: You don’t?

Death: No.

Me: Then why are you here? Don’t tell me you finally wrote a book of your own.

Death: Nope. The reason I’m here is because you invited me here.

Me: Whoa—whoa there, Reapster. I didn’t invite you here. I don’t like you. I don’t like your work. I never have.

Death: But this is your show. Why would I be here if you didn’t invite me?

Me: I have no idea.

Death: I guess your sponsors invited me.

Me: No. My sponsors don’t run this show. I run this show.

Death: Oh, come on. I think we both know better than that.

Me (standing): Get out. There’s been a terrible mistake. I want you off this show. This is a happy show. This is a show about making people feel good. It’s about having fun. You don’t belong here. Get out.

Death: But my segment isn’t over.

Me: Yes it is. Good-bye.

Death: I’m sorry, John. Really, I am. But I’m afraid I just haven’t done yet what I came here to do.

Me: Get out! Get off my stage! Leave this building! You’re not welcomed here! You have no business here! Go away!

(Death remains placidly gazing out toward the audience. My in-house band begins playing, softly at first, and then increasingly loud, until I can’t even hear myself screaming. Though I’m unaware of it, we cut to commercial.)

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is co-founder of The NALT Christians Project and founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here). His blog is here. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    He may not have had a good movie in a while but Death absolutely killed in the Bill and Ted sequel.

  • http://megaloi.blogspot.com Redlefty (Michael)

    It's been a weird dream week for a lot of people I know. Hopefully it all means nothing.

  • http://www.aelc.edu.au/the-naked-ape-blog/index.html Nathan

    That is the saddest post I've ever read of yours John. And you touch my heart frequently.

  • http://ramblingsofaspiritualidiot.blogspot.com/ Julia

    To quote BOC; 'Dont fear the reaper…'

    ((((hugs))))

  • http://frommaryspen.blogspot.com/ Mary

    Geez John… I hope this dream is long forgotten (I see this is an old post)

    I suppose we do invite Death in, don't we? Praise God for his redemption.

    Rejoicing in the day,

    -Mary

    • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

      This is one of quite a few posts I did during a time when it looked like my wife might have pretty bad cancer. (Turns out she didn't. Yay!)