Think You Know Thanksgiving? You Don’t Know Squat, Squanto.

1. The Pilgrims were:

a.  an exceptionally boring rock band from Kidneypool, England.

b. a sure way to kill any party.

c. the least fashionable sailors ever.

d. Christians who fled England in rebellion against Henry VIII’s forbidding of pew cushions.

2. The first thing Indians thought upon meeting the Pilgrims was:

a. “Why are these people the color of our gums?”

b. “Sun. Black clothes. Cool! Human popovers!”

c. “Okay, these guys are turkeys.”

d. “Bummer. There goes the neighborhood.”

3. The Mayflower was:

a.. the name of the company that moved the Pilgrims from England to America.

b. the primary ingredient used by Pilgrims to make the May chocolate chip cookies.

c. a ship that got lost somewhere between the Thames river and Hawaii.

d. a pretty precious name for a boat.

4. The purpose of Thanksgiving is to commemorate:

a. the founding of the New World.

b. the losing of the New World.

c. the temporary misplacement of the New World.

d. the Pilgrims smoking their first peace-pipe with the Indians.

e. the Pilgrims discovering the Indians didn’t know tobacco from a lava lamp.

5. Plymouth Rock is significant because:

a. it’s the first organic musical form to give expression to the Pilgrim experience.

b. how many rocks get their own name?

c. it’s the first place on the North American continent where the Pilgrims ruined their shins.

d. it’s what the Chrysler company tethered to its last idea for a decent car before hurling it into the ocean.

6. “Maize” is the Algonquin Indian word for:

a. No way out.

b. Not belonging to February, March, or April.

c. “He who awesomely dominates the center of the field.”

d. tired, boring, cliche, trite: corny.

7. At first the Pilgrims had a hard time surviving in America because:

a. Their humongous belt buckles prevented effective arrow ducking.

b. They refused to pay taxes.

c. It’s so demoralizing when the native population won’t stop making fun of your hat.

d. All their gunpowder was wet.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • Tricia Blosser

    Hey John, thanks for the funny quiz. =} Humor is often an underrated God given gift. I've been praying for Cat, sounds like she's recouping pretty well if you guys can go home today. Blessings to you both!

  • textjunkie

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and Cat too!!

  • Jessica Turner via Facebook

    Bwa hah. I was. :)

  • Barbara Rice

    I’d give this quiz at Thanksgiving dinner (we’re having it on Saturday), but certain guests wouldn’t get it.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

      Was the Willy Maize joke too obscure, you think?

  • Valerie

    LOL

  • mike moore

    there goes the neighborhood, HA!

    • su child

      Mike Moore,

      please contact me, OK?


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