Morcheeba’s Singer Sings to Me Over the Phone; Roving Gangs of Soon Sick Teens; Ghostly Me

Me, preparing for this week's work

Ah, Monday. It’s just like Friday or Saturday—if you strapped on a backpack full of rocks and put an anvil on your head.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about you.

Wait: let’s talk about you and me. Have you gotten your entrance into the Photoshop Gesturing John contest? Don’t forget the deadline is … well, it was noon today, but let’s make it at midnight tonight. That’s better. So. Midnight tonight it is. Voting begins tomorrow (assuming I can get the pictures up and sized right by then).

I was just thinking this morning what I might award the winner of the contest in addition to the indescribable inscribed, autographed copies of both my books. I was thinking maybe I’d find out what the winner’s interests are, and then choose a book out of my personal library that fits that interest. I also have a lot of music I love, so perhaps a CD. Or I could call the person, and sing to them a while. Because I don’t think anything says “I just won a contest!” like suddenly having reason to wish you were deaf. But we’ll see.

Hey, do you know that one time Skye Edwards, the lead singer of Morcheeba, sang me a song over the phone? I was in my office in San Diego, and she was in a crowded town bar somewhere in the UK, at around two in the morning her time. I can definitely say that she gave me a singularly stirring performance. I have no idea what compelled her to do it (besides whatever she’d been drinking). We’d been chatting right along for a while (I was then the editor of a local music magazine)—and then she said, “Wait just a moment, ‘k?” Next I heard all this sort of clunking of the phone—and then her voice again, saying, “I’ve climbed into a phone booth now; the phone in here is so high I’ve had to stand on a chair!” She asked me if I was interested in hearing a song that she’d lately been taken by. “Yes, yes, of course,” I said, not being a complete moron. And the next thing I know, she was softly regaling me in that mesmerizingly soft and smoky voice of hers.

Life. It’s so … wonderfully weird sometimes.

Let’s see … what else? Oh: I am right now ridiculously busy. For a book I’m ghostwriting, I need to write 4,000 publishable words every day for about the next ten days. That’s … insane, basically. So for my blog here, instead of writing new stuff, I might go back and pull forth some stuff I posted back when pretty much nobody was reading me here. I’ve got some material I completely like about animals that disappeared into obscurity; this might be just the excuse I’ve been looking for to repost that stuff. (The thing about reposting old stuff, though, really, is that I spend so much time revising and rewriting it that I might as well just write new stuff. But … we’ll see. Anyway, sorry if in the next week or so you end up seeing here stuff you’ve already read. If that happens, then … wow! Way to still be reading me after all this time!)

What else?

I cannot believe how middle-aged I am. But … that’s really a whole other post. If not a reason to completely reevaluate my entire life, and … maybe start taking vitamins, or something.

Worst Halloween ever last night. We had but four groups of kids come knocking—and three of them were basically roving gangs of teenagers who apparently have no life whatsoever. I was, like, “Dudes. Really? You’re doing this?” And they were, like, “Shut-up, old man. Feed us.” But, whatever. I’m just glad I licked all my candy before rewrapping it and handing it out. See how smart-alecky those guys are when they all come down with tonsillitis in about … well, today.

I had my tonsils out when I was a little kid. I was, like, “What? I’ve barely started in life, and already you want to lop parts right out of my head? What the heck’s going on here? What next? Are my toes safe?” But did anyone listen? No. They were too busy yanking out parts of my neck.

Gotta go now. Driving wife to work. I can hear she’s almost ready to go. I’m so not.

Later! Love! Have a great Monday! Or at least try not to kill anyone with a stapler!

****

You know the routine.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • Ace

    So are you going to post them up with ticky boxes so we can vote? Also I wouldn’t attach names on them until after the voting is done, or some people might be… biased. LOL

    • Anonymous

      right: no names. but not sure how to do voting yet.

      • Ace

        Does wordpress have an in-built poll system like Livejournal? Or Disqus?

  • http://allegro63.blogspot.com/ allegro63

    I have the photoshopping skills of the average pocket calculator. Ok I just used the first thing on my desk that I saw. I just am no good at that stuff. But I do want to try. Despite the fact that I have a column to write, page after page of mind-numbing college based text to read, two exams to study for, and cat hair to vacuum up.

    Ok, I’ll just settle for laughing at what I am sure are the hilarious results

  • Kara K

    I hope you get better acknowledgment than “thanks for the assistance” at the back of the book. :)

  • http://luwandi.wordpress.com Beth Luwandi

    I love you John. You are a hoot! And we all need a hoot once in a while– or daily as it sometimes is. So, thank you. For being that.

  • Don Whitt

    We had a record of about 40 trick-or-treaters last night. Our ‘hood is off the beaten tract (sic) and our house not always easy to see, so I put a jack-o-lantern facing the street as a “come ‘n get it” beacon.

    We kept telling the kids, “Take a fistful, don’t be shy”, but I’m pretty sure the “we’re all gonna die of diabetes and obesity” killjoys have gotten to these kids. They carefully plucked-out single helpings and scurried-off like we were drug dealers offering free smack.

    Anyone want some free Lemon Heads?

    • Anonymous

      this is awesome, Don.

    • http://luwandi.wordpress.com Beth Luwandi

      They didn’t take a fistful because you were giving them Lemon Heads…

      • Don Whitt

        There were Kit Kats and tootsie rolls, bit o’honey’s – all sorts of stuff. I’m the one that insists on the straight sugar offerings like Lemon heads, sweet tarts and pixie sticks. I don’t like to confuse my pancreas by mixing butter fat into my sugar. Just artificial flavor and coloring.

    • http://allegro63.blogspot.com/ allegro63

      I like lemon heads

  • http://rdmlorisgoretownhorrycoscusaearth.blogspot.com/ Robert Meek

    “Later! Love! Have a great Monday! Or at least try not to kill anyone with a stapler!”

    You just stole my fun. (Can’t say you stole my candy, because I’m diabetic.) If I can’t kill someone with a stapler I’m taking mine home and not gonna play any more! (Sniff!)
    ;)

  • Bunny

    Wow….it’s so great to be able to laugh heartily and loudly to very funny stuff!! Thanks for the laugh .. (licking and rewrapping the candy..?!!) HILARIOUS!

  • Thom

    So what did Skye Edwards sing? Curious minds want to know.

  • Thom

    So what did Skye Edwards sing? Curious minds want to know.

    • Anonymous

      You know, I don’t know what song it was. It was … slow, and beautiful. So. That narrows it right down. You know: it was that one song that’s really good that’s kind of slow, and really beautiful.


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